UC Personal statement critique

<p>Hey guys I'm in need of some constructive criticism for my second UC prompt. I recently revised the essay (although this ex-Cal admissions officer said it was great and complete) so I'm afraid my change might have done more harm than good. Anyways, I'll send a pm to whoever's interested. Thanks guys.</p>

<p>I"ll be up for it if you wouldn’t mind helping my critique mine as well :)</p>

<p>I’d be happy to read it. Just pm me.</p>

<p>i’d love to read it</p>

<p>i can read it :)</p>