<p>Can you guys please help me critique my personal statement? I really need help. Any feedback is okay D:</p>
<p>Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>
<p>I have always been a curious person, observing everything and wondering about it. I would go outside, look at the trees, and wonder to myself how can those trees grow so high? What animals live in those trees and how do they live? It is those questions that sparked my interest in nature. Everyday in elementary school, I would pick out books about animals and plants, reading every animal book I could find, learning about it, studying it. I would just know any random fact about an animal that no one else would know. I was also involved in many extracurricular activities, such as music and video production. Being in video production, I learned how to communicate and collaborate with others as well as taking responsibility of my actions. It also gave me experience, learning how to think independently and creatively. My family has been a source for support and guidance. I have always been challenged by my parents to achieve my best. From an early age, my parents have taught me morals, such as honesty, compassion, and benevolence. These virtues were strengthened by my church that I attend Sundays. Over the years, these teachings were embedded in my mind, and now become an instinct nature to help and show compassion for others.
Being so tightly knit in my community, I decided that I want to give back. I would start by offering to tutor elementary students or volunteer to pick up trash from a local park. Living in my town has greatly benefited me. During my high school years, I revisit my old elementary school, saying hello to my previous teachers, and reminiscing the great experiences I had. My elementary school was the place where my life first took shape. Many great values have been instilled to me from attending school. I have learned to be determined, hardworking and honest. My dream is to help people but I also have a passion for nature. I figure that I should change my passion for helping animals and others into my profession. By pursuing a field of environmental science, I can help provide a better place for people to live by preserving the environment we live in. </p>
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<p>Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>
<p>Lights beating down on me on stage, nervous, with my hands shaking, I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. Getting ready, I checked the valves on my trumpet, making sure that they were working properly. Reading the sheet music in front of me, I started playing the song in my head, picturing what the whole symphony would sound like. When the red curtain came up hundreds of people are looking down at me waiting anxiously for the concert to get started. My eyes are kept at the conductor, and as her hand went up, all instruments rose up, ready to be played. “Here we go!” I thought to myself as the hand went down and the music started to play.
“Look at your sister! See how she can play the flute so beautifully,” My parents said as my older sister started pouring out beautiful melodies out of her silver flute. It made me wonder if I could play an instrument as well. My parents were very supportive, being that my dad was a music enthusiast himself, and wants his children to experience music as well. When I was in the fourth grade, I took up learning the trumpet, thinking to myself that it would be easy, seeing as it only had three buttons. After buying a trumpet with my parents from a local music store, I picked up my trumpet for the first time, mesmerized by its golden glow and shine. I took a deep breath and blew in the horn. However, nothing came out. After numerous attempts, I couldn't even get one sound out of it. "Learning takes patience," my father said as he patted me on the back, “You’ll get it eventually.” I realized that playing the trumpet was more difficult than I thought. It wasn't about the buttons, but it was all in the lips, learning to control your lips movements in order to change the pitch or the note. Playing the trumpet was extremely hard work, playing until my lips went numb. There were times when I thought to myself that I should quit. However, I just can’t throw everything away. I chose to play the trumpet and I am going to stick to it. Years of practicing and self-determination paid off as I was now fluent in my music playing. Continuing my music practice from elementary to middle school, I also took a new extracurricular on top of normal band, Jazz band. Performing higher level arts of music, and creating a new music style for me, I found myself in many music band competitions, the biggest one being the 2009 Heritage Music Festival Presidential Inauguration in Washington D.C., and taking home trophies.
Playing the trumpet has taught me to work hard and determined to complete my tasks. After overcoming so many obstacles, I am finally able to pick up a trumpet, take a breath, and create beautiful music for all to hear. It shows that dedication and hard work really pays off, as I was able to have a skill that is unique to me. It taught me to be productive, as everybody has to contribute in order to make a symphony. If one doesn't do their part, then the music wouldn't sound good. It boosted up my self-esteem and confidence, and helped me to make new friends, and providing me with a new perspective on life.</p>