UC Personal Statement Help!

<p>Hi, I need help getting started on UC PS #1. I've heard different things from different people. For example, from a friend I heard that it's better to talk about 1 class. From others, I heard talking about summer school is the way to go. I know that when the UCs say "academic oppotunities," they mean it in a general sense. But is it better to write about APs and honors in general or a specific class that meant a lot to you? Thanks for the help! I hope other people will receive and give help! Good luck everyone.</p>

<p>can you use internships, community service, etc... for #1 (and explain how those opportunities were educational for you)?</p>

<p>Anyone else?? I'm sure that there are many people who have gone through the admissions promise. Can anyone please give us some input!?</p>

<p>well I wrote about how one area (chemistry) was really important to me, and I talked about placing first in ACS local</p>

<p>any ideas for the third (open ended) question? it will be one of my short ones</p>

<p>moldau: Yeah I was thinking that being specific is the way to go...but I think I'll go with comunity college during the summer...</p>

<p>Help Plz!!~~</p>

<p>Can anyone help??</p>

<p>for the first question I just wrote about summer programs, rigorous coureload, and clubs.</p>

<p>does anyone know what to write for the 3rd one? i don't exactly have any "personal circumstances"</p>

<p>I was kind of at a loss for the third one too. I ended up writing about my interest in my intended major of choice...that's probably ok (I hope).</p>

<p>This may help. This is from the presentation at last summer's UC Counselor session concerning the essays. For the academic opportunities prompt: "The university seeks to enroll students who take iniative in pursuing their education (for example, developing a special interest in science, languages, or the arts or becomming involved in special educational programs such as Cosmos). This question seeks to understand a student's motivation and dedication to learning."</p>

<p>What I usually advise is that you should focus in on one academic area of interest that you have made a special effort to develop by taking advanced classes in school, seeking out other classes/lessons outside of school, getting involved in a related internship, done a special research project on, or even done a lot of independent reading on. Present how you have developed this special interest or talent in straight forward detail.</p>

<p>Examples of two good essays for this prompt from students I recently counseled:
A student with an interest in computers who started by talking about how computers have always fascinated him, then described the AP, community college classes and ROP class related to computers that he'd taken. He ended by talking about how these classes and his own experimentation allowed him to fix his family computer and reinforced his desire to major in computer science.</p>

<p>The second example was a girl who talked about her passion for dance, how she has taken dance classes at school, lessons since she was 8 years old, and participated on her school's dance team which requires her to constantly learn new techniques and teach them to others. She is not planning on majoring in dance but she tied it back to her academics overall in her last paragraph by talking about how her dance classes/lessons/team participation have helped her become more disciplined and self-motivated in other academic subjects.</p>

<p>Both were under 250 words, by the way.</p>

<p>By the way, you can find an excellent tutorial that explains exactly how the UC's want the essays written and what they want from each prompt at <a href="http://www.ucgateway.org%5B/url%5D"&gt;www.ucgateway.org&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>wow, i just finished my essay and
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<p>What I usually advise is that you should focus in on one academic area of interest that you have made a special effort to develop by taking advanced classes in school, seeking out other classes/lessons outside of school, getting involved in a related internship, done a special research project on, or even done a lot of independent reading on. Present how you have developed this special interest or talent in straight forward detail.

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<p>that was what i talked about, my love for computers, all my programming classes, independent reading and internships.. wow. </p>

<p>yay im doing something right! ^<em>^ alas, it's 100 words too long T</em>__T</p>

<p>Perfect. Sounds like a great essay! </p>

<p>Here's what I suggest to kids I'm working with who need to shorten their essays:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>start with the first paragraph. This is usually the place I find is wordiest. Find the one sentence in that paragraph that best introduces your topic, then find the second sentence that supports it. Cut out everything else that isn't absolutely necessary.</p></li>
<li><p>Look through your essay and cut out anything that doesn't directly support the MOST important thing you want to get across. Also look for places where you've added extra detail that doesn't really add important information to support your point. </p></li>
<li><p>Use the Word grammar check tool --- be sure to go under options and check passive voice and wordiness functions. Edit ruthlessly.</p></li>
<li><p>For the UC essays, they don't want a lot of flowerly adjectives. Use sparingly. (it is ok to use more adjectives in other college essays, just make sure each one serves a purpose and don't use two when one will do.)</p></li>
<li><p>Read your essay out loud. If a sentence feels like it is making you breathless, it can be shortened. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>I've read several hundred essays and have yet to find one that couldn't be at least 100 words shorter (and often several hundred words shorter) and read better in the process. Good luck!</p>

<p>Wow, thanks for all the comments, especially carolyn. I will keep in mind what you have shared and see how things go. Thanks!!! I hope other people can benefit from this too!</p>

<p>Any other help!? Thx!</p>