UC Personal Statement Prompt #2 HELP

<p>Ok so here is my Personal Statement for prompt two SO FAR. Really need to know if i'm going in the right direction. Thanks for any feedback!</p>

<p>Prompt 2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>

<p>Growing up south of the Mason Dixon line I was taught the importance of my Southern Heritage. For almost twenty years I became accustomed to the same simpleminded ideas of those that surrounded me, and believed that this was the way my life should continue to be. This lifestyle proved to be specifically important when choosing where I wanted to attend college, and when the decision was made I packed up my old life in Texas and moved to Mississippi with high hopes of starting anew. Ole Miss was the pinnacle of southern schools, and I looked forward to my life as a student there, but the transition into my new life made me realize that I have developed different values despite my cultural heritage.
Transition?
As I gazed around the streets of campus all I could hear were the racial slurs being projected loudly from students’ mouths, and although I was there my voice wasn’t. I did not want to partake in the things being said, but the continue to conform to social standards sat on my shoulders like weights. Suddenly the notion of southern hospitality became more of a myth to me, and I questioned the person that I had become. I seemed to have lost myself to the social norm, and no longer expressed my valued opinions. My silence over what I chose to believe in had seemed to follow me for the past two years, but after the riots I realized that I refused to compromise these values even in the face of overwhelming odds. I began to flourish my own independent thoughts, and to form my own opinions. I decided to no longer be prisoner of the south, and found a new source of individuality. Slowly, I began to find myself.
Through my experience at Ole Miss I have realized the importance of being a unique individual. Although I was raised one way, I am continuing to grow in another way. My new found individuality has allowed me to express myself without the barrier of others opinions. Through my self-examination I gained an insight into what the saying “be yourself” means. To me it means to be yourself despite the odds and obstacles that are made to conform you. My individually is what makes me unique from……</p>

<p>I generally can tell which essays are the better ones by if the first sentence or two don’t make me skim through the entire text in their boringness. And yours caught my attention :slight_smile: I particularly enjoyed the transition into a more anecdotal story (physically being on campus) and your silent questioning of your values. Sometimes people just drone on and on about how their lives sucked or how difficult thing were without concrete examples or delving into how they felt.
I must admit, going into the “be yourself” territory could put you at risk of being cliche, but it seems to work here.
I feel you are definitely on the right track with your essay. You may not want to keep it up for long, as many around here seem to be concerned about plagiarism, and for good reason.
Best of luck to you! :)</p>