UC Personal Statement (question)

Transfer Students UC Transfers
1

<p>I'm a transfer student and am having a tinge of difficulty really picking a topic for and just generally writing my personal statement, so I'm hoping if I post the prompts, and the just of what I'm writing about that I could get any constructive feedback!</p>

<p>--TRANSFER PROMPT--
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field — such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities — and what you have gained from your involvement.</p>

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<p>--GENERAL PROMPT--
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>

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<p>My biggest worry with my general prompt is that it is my chance to talk about anything and to show my personality in a different facet and I am, once again, talking about school.</p>

<p>ANY feedback would be greatly appreciated.</p>

2

<p>Don’t mention suddenly because it might make you seem wishy-washy. Talk about your trip to mexico and use your classroom stuff to further back up your love of anthro. </p>

<p>i don’t think talking about being terrible at school is a good thing. I put one sentence in your personal statement about how I used to be. I said “I dropped out of pre-calc in HS but after studying went directly into calc 1.” Furthermore I don’t think talking about 4.0s is a good idea. Usually what they want for this prompt is humility instead of pride. If someone from school falls into that category use it, else find something else.</p>

3

<p>Thanks for your feedback @bomerr.</p>

<p>That’s an intriguing take on how an admittance officer might view my sudden interest, which I will take into account; personally, I like telling stories how they happened, and that was how it happened for me. I knew I wanted to study something that, looking back now, is anthro, but I didn’t even know what anthro was. An instructor mentioned it and it was like BAM! this is what I’ve been looking for. But I will emphasis on my trip and my educational experiences. </p>

<p>That’s also an interesting take, whilst naturally, I would side with you in valuing humility over pride just about every person I’ve spoken to about personal statements say that you need to find a way to brag about yourself, to highlight a quality that will make admissions officers or scholarship committees think that you are a good investment as a student. </p>

<p>As for school, I guess I was thinking along the same lines as my professor because going from being an average C student to an all A student was a journey for me. It wasn’t just “well, I guess I’m in college now, so I should get my act together.” For me, it was a genuine evolution from being apathetic about everything outside of myself, to becoming a person who loves to learn and is driven by curiosity. My entire life’s outlook and philosophy has changed drastically in the short amount of time I’ve been at community college.</p>

4

<p>[url=&lt;a href=“http://webapp01.orangecoastcollege.edu/video/atovar/3.html]3[/url”&gt;http://webapp01.orangecoastcollege.edu/video/atovar/3.html]3[/url</a>]</p>

<p>Watch this video. You want a purposeful statement. If you say that " knew I wanted to study something that, looking back now, is anthro, but I didn’t even know what anthro was. An instructor mentioned it and it was like BAM! this is what I’ve been looking for. " It sounds very weak. So what, if someone said something else you would suddenly want to do that instead? Write your statement see how it turns out. It’ll be a lot more powerful if instead you talk about how your interest in anthropology occurred organically. </p>

<p>Saying something like I got 4.0s is just bragging. It’s just not that good. Instead if you say that you were a leader on your Mexico trip and you escorted some people into a Mayan tomb… blah blah blah leadership. That would work. </p>

<p>I also got my act together in college. I just put that into the additional comments section. I mean, like ya, from OUR POVs it means something, but on the whole, we are just doing what good students are supposed to do. That’s why it is not really a good personal accomplishment. It just says you study hard, which is something all people who have a shot at UCLA or UCB have in common. Basically it’s not really personal enough.</p>

5

<p>Great commentary!! ^^^</p>

6

<p>Thanks @bomerr for the video link! I’m currently listening to it whilst brainstorming. </p>

<p>Well, the way I wrote it online is a rather crude version of what ACTUALLY happened; however, I don’t know if fabricating how I discovered my major is something I’m comfortable with. </p>

<p>I understand why it might seem wishy-washy, but I discovered it during my second semester, this is my 3rd and final year at my CC, I’ve taken a variety of courses and I’ve only declared one major, anthro, and haven’t changed it, nor have I found myself wanting to major in anything else.</p>

<p>As for saying “I get 4.0s,” that isn’t something I would include in my personal statement because they see it on my application, I’m not going to waste my space writing that. I actually said that getting better grades in college was NOT just a “oh I guess I’m in college now, I better get my act together.” </p>

<p>My 2nd personal statement would essentially have nothing to do with my grades, thats not my goal, again it was a crude portrayal of what I wanted to say. </p>

<p>I planned on talking about a personal evolution, and growth that occurred for me when in college. My personal statement wouldn’t focus on me doing what a good student is supposed to do, its going to focus on WHY, what the shift was, how I’ve changed, why I’ve changed, how, in the sense of my personal philosophies and outlook, education has changed me drastically. </p>

<p>I hope I didn’t sound too pushy or defensive, I just see that I didn’t really portray what I wanted to say in my personal statements initially and was trying to clear that up. But its also good because I know my entire personal story, but the admissions officer that is going to read my personal statement doesn’t, and this situation really exemplified that for me. Granted, I’m not going to post my essays online, but still.</p>

7

<p>Write your essays and see how they sound, but I can tell you right now. Talking about being a student is weak sauce, they want to know stuff about you besides just school work.</p>

<p>Then again as a transfer applicant only UCLA,UCB,UCI and UCM will even read your personal statement.</p>

8

<p>@bomerr
Thanks, I took everything you said as constructive criticism (:
I’m writing and trying to see where it leads me, nothing is set in stone.</p>

<p>Well, I don’t have a “dream school” but I am applying to, and hoping to get into, both UCB and UCLA.</p>

9

<p>Rephrase. There are basically three sections on the UC App. Statement 1, 2 and the grades / additional comment section for talking about grades. By filling out all three, you are giving a 3-demensional view of yourself. But by talking about school and grades in the 2nd, it downgrades that into a 2d image. Furthermore talking about negative stuff “like hating school in k-12” is not very good. Statements need to focus on your best qualities not worst.</p>

<p>For the record my 2nd statement involved taking russian class at smc. But I tied it into my heritage and identity, etc.</p>

10

<p>Hi, </p>

<p>I can see a path going with the first personal statement. Your trip to Mexico really gave you an insight and exposure of your own culture; this pushed you to study more about your cultural upbringings and as well how you want to expand your knowledge to an understanding of other cultural customs and traditions. Correct? </p>

<p>Really emphasize WHY this experience was the transition that made you declare Anthropology. Also, it doesn’t hurt to talk about your overall goals and why this experience gave you the motivation to accomplish such paths.</p>

11

<p>that sounds good , Im also an cultural anthro major and I talked about an ethnography I did on day laborers in my neighborhood and for the second my story is almost the same, only i dropped out, got my ged and then have had straights As at CC. I talked about how Im proud of doing good in school</p>

12

<p>@lamelcriada
Wow, that is such a great story! If you are applying right now, best of luck getting into your choice UC, and if you’re already at a UC, hope your doing well (: </p>

<p>Thanks for your input @ocnative!</p>