<p>Can anyone give me some advice on how to revise my UC personal statement? it is just a rough first dratt and I want to hear opinion by people who are not familiar, i think that's better to show it to my teachers or friends that already know what kind of person I am. So please write down any comment for me, that will be helpful and thank you. </p>
<p>Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>
<p>Personal Statement
Looking at the picture of Annie’s smiling face on the caller identification of my phone, I hesitated for a few seconds to think that should I put down my pen and answer her phone call. The shining of green indicator light and the ring tone “Be Free” seems to urge me to stop writing on the math textbook. Finger slided across the screen and I tried to use to a relax voice to talk. “Hi, Annie. How’s your trip going? It must be fun.”
The description of Beijing by her excited and sweet voice seems to gain myself more emptiness about my current situation. Staying at home for the whole 5-day holiday, textbooks and homework assignments built a wall of isolation between me and the gorgeous world. By gripping the pen that still remained my temperature and sweet, I had comprehended that studying in China means I have to start a competition contending with more than 1 billion people once I was born. The only standard decides the winner, who standing on the podium and receives others envious glances, was the bright red letters of your grades on the transcript. The competition has started, and I got no way to stop it.
At the night of receiving the acceptance letter from the most popular and prestigious high school in our city, I shut the door of my room and sat silently on the ground, did not say a word. I hid myself in the darkness and felt like I was submerged by fear and confusion, tears slipped from my canthus and wet the letter. Spending 9 years on study aimlessly, I am the second hand of the clock, kept turning and turning, watching the time rush to leave, but could do nothing to my own life. I never consider that my life was just worth for tedious and boring school life such as reading the books and writing for my teachers, I am not a study machine but a living person with fresh and soul. Gazing on the stars, I deeply aware that I needed to open my heart for the live I want, for the world I desire.<br>
Two months later, I didn’t across the erogenous gate of the high school that accepted me but immigrated and studied in an ordinary school in San Francisco. I was determined to give up the life between only paper and pen then shape it into a brand new world.
It was the first time that I didn’t go back home immediately right after school but rush to a park for two weeks: shooting a trailer with my classmates. I was in charge of this significant project and it attracted all of my attention. Instead of writing paper work for more than 5 hours, I discussed each character’s setting and the scene design based on the book All Always Running with my partners. Adjusting each point of view with my camera by bending legs gave me a feeling as a professional director, yet moving the time axis and editing a section of classical clips even motivated my passion more. It is a totally different sensibility compare to working with monochromatic paper work. By starting a beginning of new world outside of studying, I began to explore it such as joining more clubs and participating volunteer activities besides of studying. My life finally developed into a vivid world with diversities and I finally my own.
Throughout my journey from being bounded by the shackles of education system in China to a optimistic girl who had self-awakening to find value of own life, I understand that test score was never the only factor to decide a student’s world but passion is always above everything else. Although there may be a moment of collapse that twist my mind in the future, but just be conscious of my own life and always have self-believing, it will be shine and free. </p>