<p>You have some good ideas, but it still needs work. For starters, The essay needs to be broken up into more than one paragraph.
Also, the part about your trip to brazil kind of came out of nowhere, so I would add a sentence or two explaining why you went there, and how you got there. By the sound of it, you went without your parents, if so, you should find a place for that, it sounds interesting.
I would also put more of an emphasis on how you this inspired you to be an engineer. Similarly, You might want to cut a bit out of the first part of the essay, where you talk about being a solitary kid. It isn’t really relevant to your main point (My time in Brazil inspired me to become an engineer so I can help people).</p>
<p>It sounds like you have some solid experiences, and ideas to build your essay off. You just need a little help with organization.
This website is helping me out a lot with my UC app
<a href=“http://www.■■■■■■■■■■■■■/2014/11/uc-college-application-essay-boot-camp.html”>http://www.■■■■■■■■■■■■■/2014/11/uc-college-application-essay-boot-camp.html</a></p>
<p>good luck</p>
<p>P.S. If you don’t mind me asking, what UCs are you applying to?</p>