<p>I finished the first prompt of my personal statement for UC (University of California) applications and I was hoping for some critique and help on it. I would really appreciate your opinions on both the good things, and the bad things that could use modification:</p>
<p>Prompt #1: Describe the world you come from for example, your family, community or school and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
As a child, I was private, quiet, and shy as could be. I preferred the peace of solitude and all that came with it. This was not much of a problem until my family decided to move from our home in New Hampshire to come live across the country, here in California. With so much distance between the two places, I lost almost all communication with my friends and neighbors, as well as all my distant relatives. As one can imagine, it isnt exactly easy meeting new people when youre as shy as I was; it was a struggle. So, I was forced to grow, forced to branch out of my comfort zone. I soon realized that the more I did so, the happier I was, and the happier the people around me were. To this day, I am still continuing to grow and push myself out of my comfort zone to be able to experience the world around me, and to help others.
This increased interaction with the world around me has established within me an absolute love of people, and the desire to do all I can to help them. I have been extremely fortunate thus far in my life, without any deaths or tragedies, or great poverty to speak of. I have my parents to thank for this, as I know that they suffered much worse childhoods than mine, growing up in poverty; they worked hard through their struggles to get my family to where we are today. Having grown up realizing how fortunate I am has made me empathize with those that have not been as lucky, and has motivated me to want to do more. Very recently, I discovered that my grandfather is currently suffering from stage-four cancer, and has less than a few months to live. Being so far from him, across the country, has proved difficult for my family. However, it has also provided further motivation for me to do even more to try to increase the quality of life of those around me.<br>
For me, the best way of doing this is by getting through to peoples hearts and minds. The study of people, and how their minds work, has always fascinated me, especially because it is so pertinent to life. The more I learn about people and what drives the human population to act the way that they do, the better I know how to motivate and help people. After taking AP Psychology my junior year, I knew that psychology was, and is, the path for me to continue on. The class taught me more than any other course, and opened up to me a whole new world and way to help improve the lives of the people around me. My passion for people has stemmed from many different aspects of my life, but has ultimately led me to my goal to pursue a career in psychology to make my positive mark on the world.</p>