Hi, I’m new to this website and I was hoping some people could look over both my essay answers and please give me some feedback. Please keep in mind that this only a rough draft and not a full-length essay so I am attempting to at least get a good start.
Prompt1:
I not only got my habits and looks from my parents, but I also inherited their sense of curiosity, insatiable appetite for solving problems, and their enduring strive for achievement. Both my parents are software engineers, sadly my dad had to drop out of the game due to a medical disability, but then started his own company from home. As for my mom, she is the anchor of our family, she works in a manner that amazes me every day. She not only always has two contracts at once, but also takes care of cooking, teaching me and my younger brother, and keeping the house clean (a bit obsessive with the last one). I strive in hopes to adopt her work unattainable work ethic but always find myself left in the dust. My dad once told me that the point of life was to leave an everlasting footstep in the world that would be remembered for centuries to come and would be studied in history books. I set out to achieve this goal by engrossing myself in an evolving field of study: robotics. The curiosity I inherited led to making a mess in my room after ripping apart several household items to see how they worked, regardless of whether or not they were necessary. After joining my high school robotics team and having a summer internship my interests were furthered strengthened. My parents helped me study and maintain an above 4.0 GPA which has allowed me to apply to colleges like this one and given me a wider knowledge of the world in general.
Prompt2:
When I was eleven, my dad bought me something that changed the direction of my life: a Lego Mindstorms NXT kit. Some of my best memories originate from me created various contraptions from that kit and watching my work come to life. Since then, I have wanted to become a robotics engineer. Once I entered the advanced field of high school, I had to split my focus between my schoolwork and my endearing after-school robotics team. After my first year of learning the ropes on the team, I applied to get an internship at several cutting-edge companies and landed my first summer internship at Knightscope, an up-and-coming robotics company that created autonomous data machines. This internship opened my eyes to how a company operates as well as educated me in state-of-the-art technology such as LIDAR and ROS(Robot Operating System). After my short but enlightening experience, I was prepared to take on a larger role in my robotics team and became the VP of Engineering. Ever since I took the post our team has increased in number by threefold and has progressed consistently from placing 45th in our first regional and making it to quarter-finals in the last one. In accordance with my interests, I have taken classes in college-level Java programming, a PLTW engineering pathway, and advanced math classes like Calculus.(Last sentence reserved for particular college)
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should or shouldn’t? and if i should remove it could you please give me some feedback before i delete it please
shouldn’t. both are solid. maybe take a bit out of your parents for number 1. for number 3, maybe add your plans for future (more concrete more ambitious?). oh and I’m not sure about that 4.0 drop. kinda out of place. maybe check with other. that and uc are all the same. no possible way to change last sentence for fit so use for somethin by else