UC Prompt #1, Can anyone read and send me criticism?

<p>Hello everyone! If you guys can please read my personal statement for prompt 1 and tell me what you guys think please! I was told to make it basic so I am not so sure how my personal statement sounds so far. Please tell me how you would fix anything I did wrong. Thanks in advance!</p>

<p>Prompt: Describe the world you come from – for example, your family, community or school – and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>

<p>Have you ever provided opportunities for people even though you were never given opportunities like that before? Like any parents, my parents wanted to give me the things they never had as a child. They wanted to spoil my brother and I as much as they possibly could regardless of how much it cost or how hard they had to work. As a young boy, I always followed the direction of my older brother. I always wanted everything my parents always gave him. When my brother would give me his toys when we were young, I was the happiest kid in the world not knowing the only reason he’s giving it to me was because he’s tired of it and was getting new toys. I realized one day that I was getting the old stuff which angered me and made me think it was unfair that my brother constantly got new things where as I’m taking all the used and beaten up things. This experience allowed me to open my eyes and see that my parents cannot always give me everything and that I needed to thrive in order for to get what I desire. I was never humble as I was growing up. My parents spoiled my brother and I to the point where we would be unhappy if we didn’t get it our way.
When I turned 16 and received my license, my parents gave me our old 95 E-320 that was originally my brothers. I was so embarrassed to drive it because it was older than me. However once my friends found out my parents gave me a car, they were shocked. That moment I realized that not everyone has the same opportunities that my parents gave me. I thought about how many backbreaking hours my parents had to work just to provide better doors for their children.
I remember how my parents always told me to get good grades and they will do everything for me. The reason I took honors courses and challenged myself was because my parents would get me the things I wanted. Then I realized that my parents didn’t have anything to gain from it. I discovered that they couldn’t do everything for me, that one day I need to part from them, become independent, and prove that they raised their son right. In order for me to make them even more proud than they already are is to show them that I’m responsible enough to take on life. I took responsibilities I thought I wasn’t capable of doing such as becoming a Youth Leader, Sabbath School Director of my church, and an Ambassador for Health Academy.
This experience let me to find the person I want to be. I want to be a good son to my parents. They’re dream is to see me walk down that aisle, receive my college diploma, and to be independent. My second goal is to be a good father/husband to my future family. Like my parents, I want to give the best to my family and raise my kids in the right direction. Third, I want to have a career that allows me to help people and spend time with my family. My career goal is to be a pharmacist. I am able to help people with medications as well as spend time with my mom, dad, brother, wife, and kids.</p>