Uc prompt #1 essay advice? Thoughts?

<p>UC PROMT #1</p>

<p>Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>

<p>The American dream is what immigrated my grandparents and parents to America in the early 1960’s in hope of financially supporting their families. But being migrant workers, the idea of climbing up the social and financial ladder seemed impossible for my grandparents who made a minimum wage of $1.00 for a family of 8 on both my dad and moms side. Knowing the sacrifice my grandparents have made on both of my families has allowed myself as a first generation Mexican American to acknowledge not only what they have provided myself in the 21st century, but also what they brought to my parents along with myself. The dedication, perseverance, and diligence seen in my grandparents, along with my parents, have naturally been integrated in my life ever since I was young. But the crown achievement, the jewel of my accomplishments with these characteristics, was the acceptance as a member of Foothill Technology’s Cohort 7 in the Bioscience Academy.
It was my dream to be accepted into the exclusive science academy of only 34 students, like it was my grandparents and parents dream to thrive in America. But like my family’s struggle, I too was to face the same challenges that awaited me as a young freshman at the time. Having to write several application prompts and essays, along with a 15-minute interview, determined whether I was to be a fit into Cohort 7. I was competing against 75 other students wanting a seat in the 4 year program with a class of 34 students interested in the future of becoming a medical professional. I diligently worked weekly on my several application papers and practiced mundanely in front of my family reenacting the upcoming interview that haunted the date of March 11 2010 like a dark cloud over the bright light of the sun. The day of March 11th arrived, and quickly ended. I was accepted. The malevolent cloud had passed, and the rays of light shined. Reserved the spot as a cohort 7 member allowed myself to become greatly closer to my aspiration of becoming part of the medical profession in the near future. 3 years later and the completion of Bioscience Academy’s Bioscience Survey, Medical Technology, and the soon to be completed Biotechnology has provided insight to my dreams as a medical professional, but more specifically as an Anesthesiologist or Pediatrician. Shadowing surgery, hospital pharmacy, and physical therapy gave myself hands on and visual experience of the various medical fields. The dedication, perseverance, and diligence provided by my parents have reflected towards my ambition even more by the acceptance into Foothill’s Bioscience Academy. The catalyst effect in the interest of science and medicine was easily influenced by both the characteristics taught to me by my family and the rigorous learning’s in Foothill's Bioscience Academy. </p>

<p>Let me know what you guys think and what I should change/ work on! Thank you!</p>