UC Transfer Prompts- electrical engineer, ucsd

I would like to transfer from community college to UCSD for electrical engineer and am unsure of how to begin the essay prompt regarding the experiences I have had. My experience would be the large amounts of exposure to the field of study I have experienced from my father, who is an electrical engineer.

I thin I maybe be getting sidetracked in my essay and am not sure if I am beginning to answer the prompt. This is only the few first words of my essay and I will spend the next couple of months working on it, but can you please give me some advice for if I am on the right track?

I think I have completed the first prompt. I will try to edit this one more, but I think that for the most part, this one is close to being ready.

A thousand Tiny Aliens
My father laid out a thousand tiny aliens on our kitchen table- or at least that’s what my 9 year old mind told me. He lifted them slowly, carefully inspecting each alien before moving on to the next specimen. It wasn’t until many years later that I realized these “tiny aliens” were actually power supplies. As an electrical engineer, my father was accustomed to dissecting the simple machines that broke in our household, but never without his “students”. He took every opportunity to teach my siblings and I how and why machines, objects, or forces work the way that they do. Whether he was opening a computer or connecting the basic telephone wires, my father taught me how to identify a problem and then go along the process of finding an effective and efficient solution.

Many of my relatives and family friends are electrical engineers, so I was always raised exposed to the field of study.

Unanswered Doorbells
I sprinted down the stairs and announced my new plans for the school year to my friend, but instead of the encouraging words I anticipated, she nonchalantly uttered: “How can you help someone when you’re so screwed up yourself?” Those eleven words resonated in my ears until each new echo drove away the feelings of worthlessness and inferiority to awaken a new bright passionate mindset of perseverance and courage. Those eleven words left me heartbroken, but I knew I had one life to live and that I was not going to waste it.

It occurred to me that if I passionately wanted to reach a goal with all of the energy in my heart, I needed to keep pushing myself forward. For me, that goal was organizing three Leadership Workshops with the Hugh O’Brian Youth Leadership and California Association of Student Councils, nonprofit organizations providing leadership training to students. This new goal seemed easy to reach, but as unexpected problems arose, I realized that I had volunteered myself for a greater responsibility than I was prepared for. I learned how to manage a team, organize a program schedule, and develop a fundraising plan, but there were three unexpected things I learned about myself: I enjoy the adventures of solving unanticipated problems, making mistakes is okay because they give me the potential to improve, and that I can do anything and everything I set my mind to. I remember spending all of my lunch periods emailing and calling schools when we only had fifty ambassadors registered to attend the event; baking dozens of cupcakes by myself on the weekends and organizing bake sales when we lacked financial resources; but more than the others, I remember the agonizing moments where each mistake left those eleven words engraved in my mind once more.

By facing each challenge one step at a time and reminding myself that I was capable of more than what others thought of me, I was able to organize three workshops reaching more than two hundred freshman students from twenty schools throughout San Diego and Los Angeles County. Those eleven words were unanswered doorbells echoing in my ears creating an anxiousness and anticipation that could only be relieved once I proved myself successful. I used to think that those words were my motivation and inspiration for challenging myself when in reality, my motivation was my unanswered potential. I am not inferior to the person sitting next to me and I too can accomplish great things because there’s no reason that it shouldn’t be me who organizes the next volunteer effort. Had I been asked last year, I would never have dreamt of organizing six leadership workshops this year, but here I am pushing myself to a new goal again. I will undoubtedly face new challenges and struggles, but it won’t be those eleven words urging me on. It will be the unanswered echoes of my potential reminding me that any limits truly do not exist .

**It’s always recommended that you don’t post your essays directly on the thread where they can be plagiarized. You should private message people you trust instead.

I already responded to your other post / essay, but here’s what I think about this one:**

Unanswered Doorbells

I sprinted down the stairs and announced my new plans for the school year to my friend, but instead of the encouraging words I anticipated, she nonchalantly uttered: “How can you help someone when you’re so screwed up yourself?” [A. Immediately, I’m confused about what your “new plans” are. You should take what you wrote at the beginning of your second paragraph and put it first. B. I’m curious about why your “friend” made that comment at all, and what she means by “screwed up.” You don’t really elaborate…]. Those eleven words resonated in my ears until each new echo drove away the feelings of worthlessness and inferiority to awaken a new bright passionate mindset of perseverance and courage [You should elaborate on this too. How did you get from inferiority to courage, and how long did it take?]. Those eleven words left me heartbroken, but I knew that I had one life to live and that I was not going to waste it.

It occurred to me that if I passionately wanted to reach a goal with all of the energy in my heart, I needed to keep pushing myself forward. For me, that goal was organizing three Leadership Workshops with the Hugh O’Brian Youth Leadership and California Association of Student Councils, nonprofit organizations providing leadership training to students. [Why was that your goal in the first place?] This new goal seemed easy to reach, but as unexpected problems arose, I realized that I had volunteered myself for a greater responsibility than I was prepared for. I learned how to manage a team, organize a program schedule, and develop a fundraising plan, but there were three unexpected things I learned about myself: I enjoy the adventures of solving unanticipated problems, making mistakes is okay because they give me the potential to improve, and that I can do anything and everything I set my mind to. I remember spending all of my lunch periods emailing and calling schools when we only had fifty ambassadors registered to attend the event; baking dozens of cupcakes by myself on the weekends and organizing bake sales when we lacked financial resources; but more than the others, I remember the agonizing moments where each mistake left those eleven words engraved in my mind once more.

[This paragraph might be a little clearer if you don’t skip around while you’re telling your story. You say that you realized that the project you took on was more work than you thought it would be. Then you jump to all the things you learned from your experience. Then you go back to what the “experience” actually was, and then you talk about how you made mistakes and didn’t think it was okay (even though you already said you learned that making mistakes is okay).]

By facing each challenge one step at a time and reminding myself that I was capable of more than what others thought of me [By “others,” are you only referring to one person (your “friend”)?], I was able to organize three workshops reaching more than two hundred freshman students from twenty schools throughout San Diego and Los Angeles County. Those eleven words were unanswered doorbells echoing in my ears**,** creating an anxiousness and anticipation that could only be relieved once I proved myself successful. I used to think that those words were my motivation and inspiration for challenging myself when in reality, my motivation was my unanswered potential [This is confusing… What unanswered potential are you talking about?]. I am not inferior to the person sitting next to me**,** and I too can accomplish great things because there’s no reason that it shouldn’t be me who organizes the next volunteer effort. Had I been asked last year, I would never have dreamt of organizing six leadership workshops this year, but here I am pushing myself to a new goal again [Which is…]. I will undoubtedly face new challenges and struggles, but it won’t be those eleven words urging me on. It will be the unanswered echoes of my potential reminding me that there are no limits to what I can do.

Yeah, don’t ever post your essay here.

Thank you so much for all of your advice and suggestions. They definitely will help me a lot!

Is there anything that I can do to delete this post or edit it maybe? I’m new to this website an not sure if that is possible.

For future UC Transfer questions: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/uc-transfers/

Maybe you can ask moderator to delete. Usually you post to ask anyone who wants to read your essay, if someone agrees to help you PM that person the essay.