UCF admissions essay help!!!

<p>the statements that i chose are... How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are? and ... What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community
They give you 500 words for both combined so i decided to combine and tie in the two statements please any constructive criticism is appreciated.... btw i feel like my second paragraph for the second statement is not done but for now im just looking to see if I'm on the right track</p>

<p>When I think back on who I am right now I think of what my family and I have been through. At the age of 9 I came to the US with my mom my father and my sister. My mother and my father were both doctors in my country, my mother an anesthesiologist and my father a surgeon. When we came to the US we lived in Passaic, NJ and my mother and father worked in warehouses, or as housekeepers to support us here in this land of opportunity. I applaud their strong work ethic, the long night shifts while trying to study English during the day, cook for my sister and I, and then trying to get some sleep. Then, when I moved to Florida an important, tragic, moment in my life happened when my dad after so many years of work decided to leave, but my mother a strong, independent, persistent woman took on the reigns of both mother and father. My mother has progressed in learning English, climbing her way up working in a hospital, and giving my sister and I a good life here in the US. The person in my family who identify with most is my mother, because of her persistence, her need to always do better, her confidence, and strong character. I have held these characteristics to heart and have applied them to important things in my life, like working hard to earn a varsity letter my first year of high school wrestling and my on-going battle to make it to the state tournament. Through my parents efforts I have seen the fruits of hard work, which is also something else that I believe in firmly. I have come to value these characteristics and try to apply them every day, and although at times I have slipped in my academics, I always take steps to better myself and do better the next day.Like my coach always says “You only get what you put in”.
The qualities that I have picked up from my parents and from life experiences, I try to use in everything that I do. I know, that I will bring these characteristics to UCF,;I will work hard, be persistent, confident, and will always strive to be better or do better in what I do. I know these characteristics will be beneficial to the UCF community because I will not only work hard on myself but also on any task give to me at UCF, I will always try to do better in anything that I do at or for the UCF community and will be persistent until I have done the best that I can.</p>