UCF essay! Please critique.

<p>How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are? </p>

<p>My family has been an integral part of my academic and social development. They have promoted dedication to educationial development, and have supported me throughout my educational career. My families culture is similar to the Puritan work ethic in that hard work leads to personal fullfillment. We are independent, and self-sustaining when needed. This influence has been crucial to my successful development because of their guidance in the benefits of independence, and the importance of education.</p>

<p>*My grandpa and mother are very influential in terms of independence. This characteristic was developed from their involvement in programs such as Scouts, in which I have actively been involved with. They started my Scouting career to teach me vital skills and magnanimous characteristics that create a successful individual and leader. I have achieved the rank of Eagle Scout, and it has provided me with the skills to be self dependent. Another influence of independence is their self reliance in terms of finance. My grandpa was an orphan who managed to create a successful career in the navy, and my mom paid her way through nursing school. These positive influences and relentless stories have developed my independent nature. On the other hand, they stress the importance of academic development.</p>

<p>*Educational prosperity has always been a key factor in my family. My family is ruthless in describing the benefits of education, in which I am grateful for. They have instilled educational values through incentives such as money for good grades. This technqiue made me realize how grades really pay off. They have also enforced the benefit of job security, which in the current economy is a crucial neccessity. The work experience stories of people getting fired, and family friends being fired has doubled my will upon furthering my education. Another, benefit that they have expounded upon me is that education creates an active citizen. Knowledge of the world around me helps develop skills that can contribute to society, such as knowledge of politics will make me a more informed voter, in which I will vote for a more appropriate candidate.</p>

<p>*Considering these influential actions, and the overall magnanimous nature of my family, it can be seen that they have had an exponential influence upon who I am. They have taught me to strive to be my best and that hard work is the conduit through which that can be achieved. This goal is one that I will follow with passion in which I plan to begin the college portion of this dream at the University of Central Florida.</p>

<p>I'm up for any suggestions. Thanks for your time.</p>

<p>it’s good, but watch for grammatical errors and it being too wordy.</p>

<p>I agree with ufuc, its really good but some parts sound a little wordy.</p>