Oop dunno why no one responded to this
Don’t worry too much about the personalities of each dorm, they’re highly overrated and highly variable. What you hear might just apply to one specific house in that dorm and may not be generally true. Houses vary and you can’t choose your house so you might as well choose based on things that aren’t going to change from year to year and house to house:
North: big and blindingly white. New. 8 Houses, each about 100 people. Large lounges going through the middle of the house (which take up the entirety of three floors), with their own study rooms and two TVs. Lots of singles (though unlikely to get as a first year - you are unlikely to have to be in a double second year) and large apartments with singles. Close to the 55 bus and the center of Hyde Park, probably the best location for upperclassmen (though you won’t appreciate the proximity to, say, Jimmy’s, as a first year). Very close to a dining hall and not very far from campus.
Max: big and blindingly…orange? Newish. 8 houses, which range from like 70-130 people, but average about 100. Lounges also vary, some are big and square, some are not so big and very long. None of the lounges are centrally located. Houses are not set off from each other as much - houses are more clumps of rooms than distinct floors. Very few singles, but all doubles are in suites with bathrooms shared between 4 people. Close to Ratner and Crown and the Reg and pretty much anything on campus you could want, but a bit farther from the rest of Hyde Park
Snitchcock: You’ve probably heard the stereotypes - actually two houses, Snell (small) and Hitchcock (big). Snell is all singles, Hitchcock is almost all doubles (with very, very big rooms). Literally in the quad so pretty close to everything…on campus. Has a weird vertical layout where you might have to go downstairs to the basement and then go up to your room (no elevators - this is a pain on move in). Very into Scav. Ye olde vibe and subsequently not air-conditioned.
BJ: Smallest houses on campus, averages about 50 people (which, fair warning, is VERY small). Most castle-like. Also doesn’t have air conditioning (except in communal lounges). Has some very pretty private courtyards. Interior kinda janky where people live but really fancy in the study rooms and library (prospies always go “omg, looks like Harry Potter” and upperclassmen roll their eyes). South of the midway so not really close to anything in Hyde Park but very close to campus. Has okay transit access and a dining hall nearby. Also very into Scav. Pretty big rooms and a ton of singles.
South: big and blindingly…gentrification chic? Idk how else to describe it. Honestly I get lost in here all the time, surprisingly complicated layout surrounding two courtyards and a ton of elevators, not all of which go to all floors. Houses blend into each other. Probably the most “average” UChicago dorm in that it gets all types - not that it’s an average dorm. Closest dorm to a dining hall (measuring between front doors). Mix of singles and doubles and apartments but apartments sometimes have doubles which kinda stinks. Very good choice if you are intimidated by all the other choices, especially by the stereotypes. Right behind BJ and you get to watch what they’re doing in their courtyards. Infuriatingly, none of the bathrooms have paper towels.
I-House: Also has ye olde vibe and no air conditioning. All singles and gets the reputation of being where people who deposited late get thrown in against their will but that’s doing it a disservice. Super nice fancy study rooms and a cafe on the first floor, but far from the dining hall. Excellent transit access (6 bus literally a block away) and surprisingly not so far from other things in Hyde Park. Really can’t go wrong, if you want a single and a house that is maybe a little less small and intense than BJ or Snitchcock it’s an excellent choice.
Stony: all apartments so you get your own bathroom and kitchen! Really great location, kinda far from campus and dining halls but the 6 stops right by and you’re really nicely located in Hyde Park (LITERALLY you’re right next to Powells idk why anyone complains about the location). The last of the satellites (rip)