<p>At school I'm a part of several different groups of friends. One of them consists of friend E, a girl I met freshman year, and N, a guy I met in sophomore history with E. Well, E and I are pretty good friends and have been friends on facebook for awhile. She decided to add N a while back although neither of us had really talked to him since sophomore history. Well, this caused me to add him as a friend too. The three of us became close again. E and I both see N as a sweet, awesome guy, but in a "adorable little brother" way instead of anything more than friends. Come to find out, N, has a pretty bad "crush" on me. I'm not suppose to know this, but E told me anyways because it's just one of those complicating situations. Now we're in a dilemma. I don't like N that way. He's horribly head over heels. He keeps trying to ask me out but just as friends, but from what he says to E, it really is an attempt to be out with me. I've been trying to drop hints that I've gotten pretty close to another guy and I'm interested in him, but N isn't picking up on it. Both E and I are petrified we'd hurt N. He's a pretty shy guy and has come really far in the last few months. Neither of us have ever seen him so social ever. How do we gently let him down without hurting him and make everything right? </p>
<p>Makes plenty of sense. Even though he’s a shy, sensitive guy, you have to let him know outright that you don’t like him like that. Be gentle in your language, but don’t beat around the bush. Basically, stress that even though YOU don’t like him that way, there will be other girls who do, and that you do still want to be his friend.</p>
<p>That is, unless you want to give him a chance with just one or two dates.</p>
<p>I’ve been in the same situation multiple times and it’s never fun. Anyway, here’s what I think you should do to handle the situation.</p>
<p>You should invite N out for coffee or some other place where it’s a friendly atmosphere but has no romantic connotation but make sure he knows that it’s just as friends and that you have something important to say to him. Then, just tell him how you don’t feel the same way and that you just want to be friends and nothing more. Say it in a nice tone and let him say something to. If you say that you don’t like him as more than a friend in a kind voice and with absolutely no rude comments, then he’s bound to understand.</p>
<p>^ I feel like you’re definitely going to give him the wrong idea when you ask him out for coffee. He’s not going to think “Oh, it’s just coffee, she doesn’t mean anything serious,” probably something like “Oh my God she just asked me out for coffee could this mean something?”</p>
<p>OP: You never specified, are you a girl or a boy?</p>
<p>Oh! I’m a girl. But here’s the catch with telling him I don’t feel the same way: He doesn’t know I know. He has no clue I know. And I don’t want to get E in trouble for telling me, y’know? She was just freaking out because she knows I’m completely gone on a guy S and have no romantic feelings for N. She’s tried dropping that I’m a bit serious over S. And so have I for that matter. But hypothetically I know nothing of N’s emotions. </p>
<p>Tonight we’re going to grab a burger and catch a movie at the local theater. We’ve been to the movies before so this doesn’t actually have romantic connotations. I wanted to say no to this just in case, but it’s one of those things where I have turned down TONS of his offers to hang out and I had to say yes one of the times so I’d stop feeling like a jerk. </p>
<p>I think I’d even fine being able to say, “Goodness, I’m sorry, but everything is going really well with S and he knows me intentions and that’s who I have feelings for right now” kind of a thing if he were to tell me how he feels but right now I’m kind of locked in because he has no clue I know and he’s freaking out to E all the time about me and hanging out… and just ugh.</p>
<p>You could do the ol’ “Drop Subtle Hints About How Much You Like Guy S Method.” But it really depends. Is he the kind of kid that would be embarrassed about you knowing? If so, then ask him how he feels about Guy S, etc. If not, then you might as well talk to him straight up, guys don’t tend to like to be manipulated (sort of).</p>
<p>He’s be super embarrassed if I knew. N doesn’t know S… That’s one of the weird things too. I know S from some activities I’m in and N from school. Their paths have never, and probably will never end up crossing… So the “then ask him how he feels about Guy S,” might be a little weird. I tried dropping a big hint about S last night. I’m still not sure if he got it or not. E has been dropping hints on S, but I’m not sure it’s working.</p>
<p>You know, you don’t actually have to say no if “guy N” doesn’t ask you out. But having a boyfriend should send the message. There isn’t much you can say but that you like him as a friend and you don’t want to be put into an awkward position.</p>
<p>
If he ended up being your boyfriend, then he would meet your friends, no?</p>
<p>It all makes me so frustrated, because N really is a great guy, it was just bad timing on his part. He’s really smart. A total nerd (but not by CC standards… He’s not into getting into getting into getting into a good college, just learning). He is hilarious once you get to know him. I just don’t feel that way. I could see potential to feel that way, but I don’t. Even before I knew for sure N felt that way about me, just to double check with myself I did a pro con list in my head of N and S (not that is the proper way to chose by any means, but just making sure I knew where I stood in case this issue came up), S won on just about every front. I really don’t want to hurt N and well, this is so odd.</p>
<p>Ha ha. I’ve already thought of setting him up with someone else but there are three people at school who he talks to; me, E, and some guy. E isn’t an option for setting him up with obviously, and it’s hard for him to get to know new people, so alas, no one who would date him. I mean, if girls got to know him I’m sure at least one would be after him, but he’s just so shy that that’s not quite an option. </p>
<p>But you were close, but not completely correct. :D</p>
<p>In response to the question, I think you should just continue on dropping hints, and maybe have E(mily?) tell him directly that you’re interested in S(ean?). You, however, should make no mention that you’re aware of this unless he makes you aware. He’ll be terribly embarrassed if he finds out you knew (and I would know because I’m pretty shy).</p>
<p>^ That one seems to be the plan thus far. N and I are going on a non-date as I’m calling it tonight. It wasn’t officially called a date, so therefore it’s not. So I’m trying to invite another friend along under the guise that she has to be out of the house tonight. I’m seeing if it’ll work for her. This way it’s officially not a date and he doesn’t think I think it’s a date.</p>
<p>Yeah. I mean I feel for the guy because I know what he’s going through, but for your purposes you’ll definitely want to have a third party present. It’ll be terribly uncomfortable for him, but will prevent the night from turning into something it’s not. </p>
<p>Also, you should be really aware of the connotations of everything you do and don’t do ANYTHING that could make him think you’re interested in him for more. Your plan for tonight sounds like a design to start something (once again I would know because I stumbled into a relationship this way before, but I was happy about it).</p>
<p>Ha ha. Oh golly. Tonight was a blast until the ride home. We got lost. N doesn’t do well when he gets lost. Very long and quiet drive. My poor friend that I had tag along. I owe her drastically for this, but on another note, a good brain mushing movie is that Gnome movie. We were busting up. But ya, I’m afraid I’m leading N on, and it’s in no way intentional but I’m generally a pretty bubbly, happy and laughing person and when someone freaks out I like to help out, but I’m afraid he’ll misread it all now.</p>