UIUC Prompt #1 Help please

College Essays
1

<p>Prompt: Explain your interest in the major you selected. You may describe a related experience you’ve had to that area of study and/or your future career goals.</p>

<p>My story starts on a lazy afternoon browsing the Internet, not having any idea that the next link I clicked would change my life forever. The website was a forum on modifying gaming consoles; the page detailed various projects including a home gaming console converted into a portable system. The challenge that stood before me was incredible; at that moment, I lifted the GameCube from my bedside and vowed to create the world’s smallest portable GameCube.
I set out to work, slowly realizing the task before me was not simple whatsoever. I extensively researched topics I never encountered, like what resistance is and why it was needed, which gauge wire is best suited for each amperage application, operation of various switches, and how electrical continuity is maintained throughout a circuit board. I learned how to solder the tiniest joints, feeling like I won the lottery when the liquid metal finally bonded the wires after 4 hours of burns. I went through motherboard after motherboard, accidentally crossing wires, blowing sound amps, and breaking traces, but after months of dedication to the project, I saw my custom-built regulation system read 1.19V. The system slowly sparked to life. With what seem like a permanent smile on my face, my passion was solidified.
I consider myself extremely lucky to have stumbled upon something that now fuels my passion. Pursuing my portable GameCube project is credited with all of the excitement and determination I have towards the theory and hardware aspects of electrical engineering. My dream is to attain a degree in electrical engineering and find a career that uses and expands my skill set. As I look back at the past few years, it is incredible how a stumbled-upon website changed my life forever.</p>

<p>I just need help writing a better introduction</p>

2

<p>I like it. This sentence could be improved. “Pursuing my portable GameCube project is credited with all of the excitement and determination I have towards the theory and hardware aspects of electrical engineering.” Pursuing is credited? Awkward. Fix this and add perhaps another sentence or two about your general interests in EE. Good luck.</p>

3

<p>Don’t post essays online, ask for readers. Read the warnings and suggestions pinned to the top of forums.</p>

4

<p>@CheddarcheeseMN do you have any suggestions to make my introduction better?</p>

<p>@BrownParent ah didn’t see that, I will remove the post after but I am in urgent need of editors as of now.</p>

5

<p>I personally really like this topic because I like soldering and working with electronics but a lot of people might not be able to relate. In other words you need to add an overarching theme that makes the story more general. </p>

<p>Furthermore you should talk less about what you actually did and more about how your school work or professors have helped you, outside research you have done, like eevblog for instance, and how much more you have to learn. </p>