UMich essays in dire need of a makeover!!

College Essays
1

<p>hi folks ;)</p>

<p>is anyone here willing to be really really nice and patient to help me vet through my umich essays? their atrocious length indicates they need a diet program too :P and especially, what do you think of the hooking power of my first sentences? and the conclusive power of my, erm, conclusion too?</p>

<p>Part 1 (Approximately 250 words)</p>

<p>[A] "We know that diversity makes us a better university—better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research." (U-M President Mary Sue Coleman) </p>

<p>Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.</p>

<p>Part 2 (Approximately 250 words)</p>

<p>** College of Engineering: </p>

<p>Please describe your interests and aspirations in engineering. What experiences have influenced you? </p>

<p>ESSAY (Approximately 500 words)</p>

<p>[C] Tell us about a book you have read that you found especially challenging, stimulating, or provocative. Explain why it made an impact on you.</p>

<p>Thanks to all who drop by!! =D I WANNA GO UMICH RAWR.</p>

2

<p>BUMP ;)</p>

<p>desperate for help ahhhhhhh</p>

<p>think my first two essays are quite unique. the third one though is kinda hard to personalize x.x</p>

3

<p>hey, want to trade UMich essays? I would love to help you out.</p>

4

<p>Sure!! =) pm me your e-mail add please, i'll send it over. and will gladly take a look at your essay too. thank you so much! Cheers ;)</p>

5

<p>i could help.. u can pm them.</p>

6

<p>I was formerly at U-M though not in Admissions. I'll look at them...</p>

7

<p>I'll try to look at them...</p>

8

<p>illl help...</p>

9

<p>Hi drange17!</p>

<p>I have checked 2 of your essays so far and you should be getting the third one later tonight. Have you recieved my critiques so far? (Please e-mail me so that I know!)</p>

<p>Thanks!
-ab2013</p>