<p>My son and I had a big blow out yesterday about college and I am so frustrated and ready to pull the plug before I write the first check for tuition. We are an upper middle class family and do not qualify for any financial aid. We've saved hard over the years and have enough to pay his tuition and room and board. The problem is that he feels it is our obligation to pay for his education and we should be doing more because his friend's parents are making sure their kids are all "set". We told him last summer that he needed to start planning for college and working more and saving money. We asked that he be responsible for his books and personal expenses during the school year such as haircuts, cell phone bill, clothing, school supplies, etc. We paid $500 towards his college laptop last year because he wore us down begging for it. Of course, he's broken the laptop just recently and no longer has one for school. We warned him last year that there would not be another laptop from us. He plans to spend his savings on a Macbook Pro because that's the only laptop that is good enough for him and he wants me to co-sign on a loan for him so that he can pay for his books. I really don't want to be on the hook for loans at some point in the future when I've worked hard to save my portion for his education. Am I being unreasonable about the loan situation? I feel so hurt that what we've done isn't enough for him. Sorry for rambling, but I really needed to vent!</p>
<p>Good time to draw a line and get him used to the idea of limits and self-reliance. He’ll appreciate it when he grows up which may be another decade or so. It’s not YOUR problem.</p>
<p>Just calmly tell him what amount you are contributing to his college costs…and include the room/board/tuition and whatever else. Tell him that he IS responsible for the rest and you will NOT cosign a loan for him. Was a FAFSA completed for this kiddo? If not…do it ASAP and he can have an unsubsidized Stafford loan in HIS name.</p>
<p>EVERY college freshman goes through this one way or another. Good for you for hanging tough. You have done the right thing and he will thank you later.</p>
<p>thumper beat me to it. Unsub Stafford.</p>
<p>Sunny, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s hardly a consolation, but this sounds like “fouling the nest” syndrome. A time when kids subconciously make the home life so tense that the college separation becomes easier, almost welcome. (Or it could just be immature irresponsibility.) Good luck.</p>
<p>Unless his school requires a Macbook Pro (which my kids school doesnt, even for design and engineering kids) I would tell him to get a cheaper one. Also, btw, anyone with an edu email account should be able to get the 2007 (PC)/ 2008 (Mac) versions of windows for less than $70. He should contact his school IT dept for details. </p>
<p>Not that he seems interested, but I told my D the two people she needs to get on the good side from day one (after roommiee, if any) are her RA and her help desk. Be polite. Smile.</p>
<p>I agree that he needs to be responsible, but it doesn’t sound like he is totally irresponsible. He does need a computer for college and it sounds like he is funding that which will take up all his earnings, and then asking you to co-sign the loan for books. He probably can’t get the loan without a co-signer, right?</p>
<p>I don’t know much about Macbook…maybe he can get a cheaper one than the Pro, but how much cheaper would it be? I know Dells are a lot cheaper than Macs in general, but it does appear that the kids all use Macs now.</p>
<p>He should be able to pick up his textbooks used at a large savings. I can’t believe anyone would need a loan for the books. He can get a campus job and buy one a week. Don’t college libraries keep some on reserve that he could use for doing homework? It may be inconvenient but that is the price he may have to pay. Then he can save up for the next semester’s books.</p>
<p>You are not being unreasonable to not wish to cosign on a loan for him, which would make you responsible if he does not repay it.</p>
<p>Leave the laptop choice up to him along with his being responsible for providing its funding, which may mean that he needs to work another job or settle for a laptop he can afford now without any additional help from you. </p>
<p>Handle this calmly. This is not about him being ungrateful. It’s about him wanting more than he can afford. He also probably doesn’t understand why you would not want to cosign a loan with him. His learning this lesson is an important part of growing up.</p>
<p>he can get a loan w/o your co-sign. That’s a natural consequence for his not saving. He is testing to see what he can get away with and like a previous poster said it’s time for a line in the sand.</p>
<p>Thumper and DougBetsy BOTH beat me to it … unsubsidized Stafford. I think this is one of those situations best resolved with “I don’t want to talk about it.” Leave the loan application on his dresser, and whenever the topic comes up you can simply say “I’m tired of talking about this. The solution is sitting on your dresser.”</p>
<p>"We’ve discussed before what we can afford and what we are willing to do. You were responsible for your laptop and you are responsible for paying for it. We will not cosign loans for you. We have X dollars for your education; you are responsible for the rest.</p>
<p>“And by the way, your friends may tell you that their parents are making sure they’re ‘all set’. But you have no idea what that means, or what conversations they had around the kitchen table. As I told you when you were younger, I don’t care what ‘all the other parents do.’ We’re your parents and this is what we will do.”</p>
<p>Repeat as necessary.</p>
<p>And fill out the FAFSA so the kid can get a unsubsidized Stafford Loan in HIS name. Actually even if he comes around…that can be his “skin in the game” for college costs. It’s not unreasonable.</p>
<p>All kids don’t have Macs. Mine don’t. S1’s ThinkPad took him all the way through college and still going strong. S2’s ThinkPad has made it through the first year and heading into soph. yr. w/ no problems. They have a reputation for being “tough”, something to think about for a young man who got a new laptop last year and has already broken it.</p>
<p>DH and I recently purchased a laptop. We looked at Macs but with the basic price being $1500 (the Pro was over $2000) we settled on a Dell for $599 and have been happy with it. </p>
<p>If he bought a less expensive computer, he should have plenty of money for books, esp. if he buys online.</p>
<p>No matter how much you give them, there will always be kids with more. Stick to your guns and let him work it out fr. there.</p>
<p>+1 to “All kids don’t have Macs”. Let him shop with his OWN cash and see what he chooses.</p>
<p>Macbook pro is the only laptop good enough for him?</p>
<p>Tell him he’s an idiot and Alienware is clearly the only way to go. CLEARLY.</p>
<p>I think you’ve done enough and your son SHOULD be grateful. Sure, there are families that do more, and many that do a lot less. But the one thing you DID do for him was give him plenty of notice that he’d be expected to pay for his incidentals, and that there wouldn’t be another laptop. It sounds like he has a history of wearing you down, so now it’s time to stick to your guns and let him grow up and become more responsible. Unless his college is requring the MacBook Pro, he should either get a less expensive computer or do without one until he earns enough to afford it. It is possible to do without a laptop for a semester - it’ll definitely be less convenient, but it’s certainly possible. As for books, he should be able to buy them used without breaking the bank. Definitely look into the unsubsidized Stafford if he doesn’t already have one. But if you give in now, he’s not going to believe you next time you tell him he’s on his own for something.</p>
<p>Our kid went to college his freshman and sophomore year with a cobbled together USED computer made of spare parts we had hanging around the house. DH put it all together. The only “new” thing was a small flatscreen monitor and he wouldn’t have had THAT if one of the ones we had fit on his tiny desk. He was grateful that he had a computer to use as buying him a new one was NOT part of the deal. </p>
<p>At the end of his sophomore year (he was doing a study abroad JR year), we bought him a laptop but it was his birthday/christmas present combination…and then some. For our kid (a music major) a Mac was a good choice and he researched this extensively and gave us the data to support his decision. He also offered to pay for part of the cost…good kid.</p>
<p>DD has a Dell. She had no reason to get a Mac and actually didn’t care. Hers came from the Dell Outlet online. DH haunted that site all summer. He got a GREAT deal on a high end NEW (either returned or not ever delivered) Dell Latitude with every bell and whistle imaginable for $900 INCLUDING the in home three year warranty. A deal. She needed a laptop because sending a desktop across the the country wasn’t going to be a happening. </p>
<p>We told both kids…we’lll buy you ONE computer. After that…you’re on your own. Ditto the cell phones.</p>
<p>Relying on the library for basic textbooks is not a good strategy. You NEED to have your own set. I’d rather rely on using school computers than textbooks.</p>
<p>I think this kid can easily afford a good new computer and used books, without resorting to loan.</p>