Unhappy at my university, parents. I want to transfer.

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hello, parents. I would like to hear what you have to say.</p>

<p>I'm a Freshman (with sophomore standing) student at Creighton University and I've just finished my first semester. Right now, it's Winter Break, and I'm absolutely dreading going back to my school for Spring Semester.</p>

<p>Creighton was not my first college choice. My first choice was Santa Clara University, which was not economically feasible at the time (the recession hurt my family terribly) because the amount of aid was small. Creighton was the clear victor in terms of financial aid. They offered generous sums, had a great academic reputation, and the descriptions of students seemed to click with my values.</p>

<p>I went to Creighton positive, initially. I was determined to succeed, willing to work my fingers to the bone, and energized for college. My High School was a pushover in terms of academics, so I was really ready for some intellectually stimulating classes.</p>

<p>Trouble arrived the first week in the form of my roommate, who drank herself into a coma the first week, got sick in our room, and injured herself. She was outright cold to me and spoke about me behind her back.</p>

<p>I started to spend more time out of our room to remedy this problem. I left in the morning, went to work (I DO work 12 hours a week in addition to school), came back only for textbook pick up, and studied till the libraries closed, came back to the dorm, and slept. This worked for me, and I was happy.</p>

<p>I don't drink, so I don't make that many friends, but I did connect with one or two students at the university. Other time is spent studying or with my nose shoved in a book. Alcohol is pervasive at Creighton, and I've had to endure my floormates destroying floor property (the RA will NOT do a thing about it, she stays holed up in her room), as well as teasing at my expense. I've tried being open and friendly with everyone--I leave my door open, I stop by other rooms to talk, and I've even cooked for the floor. But I still eat alone, study alone, and spent most of my time in isolation.</p>

<p>My classes were only slightly harder than high school classes (honestly, I did not feel like I was intellectually challenged at all over the semester), and some of my professors were slightly cold toward me. One professor insinuated that I was poor at writing and he didn't understand how my essay writing had gotten me into college (despite the fact I aced my writing, history, and psych writing assignments, and eventually received an A from said professor).</p>

<p>Homesickness became almost debilitating during the semester. I missed the sunshine, warmth, my family (everyone in my family is extremely close), my friends, the foods I loved, the diversity (Nebraska is not NEARLY as diverse as California is), the places I loved, the museums I loved, and I missed everything being in walking distance from where I lived (at Creighton, I have no transportation--no car, or any friends with a car. I don't want to spend money on a Taxi every time I go out, my work money helps take some of the financial burden of my parents).</p>

<p>I think I just missed California in general.</p>

<p>I went to see my counselor--dropping mid-semester was not an option, I knew this. I wrote weekly logs about my emotions, and we sat down to discuss everything. Tests were done to see if I had depression--they came back negative. I went weekly, but I felt no improvement.</p>

<p>I hoped that by joining groups, I would feel a little bit more involved--I joined pep band, attended every game, went to every floor bonding meeting, and got into community service... I still didn't feel any different.</p>

<p>I kept everything up till the end of Fall semester. Grades came in and I did not suffer academically (All A's and B's).</p>

<p>Going back to Creighton for Spring scares me. I don't feel like the university is a 'fit' for me, nor is the state of Nebraska.</p>

<p>I'm honestly considering withdrawing from Creighton before Spring Semester starts, attending community college and working, then reapplying in the fall and transferring to a school in California. I miss California and I wish there was less distance between me and my family (a plane ride away rather than an all day series of plane rides through several states). My parents reassured me that they are behind me, whichever decision I choose, and that they would not be disappointed either way.</p>

<p>I think going out of state might be good for some people, but it might not have necessarily been a good decision for me. Community college might give me the chance to think things over a little bit more and build up enough finances to transfer to a California school.</p>

<p>I've already spoken with Creighton about the possibility, and they've assured me that I would be let loose debt free (I've already paid Fall semester). All that remains is to sign on the dotted line.</p>

<p>I'm trying to think rationally and say 'stick it out' for Spring Semester... Stick it out for the rest of the year, but I just feel so low about returning. I don't know if I, emotionally, I can handle returning.</p>

<p>What do I do? Would my plan be feasible? Please help me.</p>

2

<p>SilentStudent, usually I would suggest trying to stick it out. But in your case, you’ve approached this very rationally and tried a lot of things, including counseling. You’ve been proactive in speaking with your parents and the school. You have a reasonable backup plan.</p>

<p>Have you tried making lists of pros and cons? What would be the upside to going back to your current school? What would be your regrets if you stopped mid-year? Would you miss anything about the school if you stopped now? Is there emotional “business” there that you need to finish, in terms of friendships or something you want to do there that would be difficult to get elsewhere? Would a room or dorm change make a difference?</p>

<p>If you can’t find sufficient valid reason to go back, you have a good plan, I think, by staying in CA and going to a cc and re-evaluating.</p>

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<p>You chose poorly. You made the right financial choice, but missed on “fit.” Us Midwesterner’s are notoriously icy to outsiders :frowning: Not the end of the world though - this situation plays out a million times every school year. Follow your instincts, “right the ship” and sail on.</p>

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<p>My own daughter could have written this last year, she did great academically, but emotionally was devastated. My straight a perfect daughter who never asked for anything, really did not adjust well to being away. She missed her friends and family and life too much. she did the responsible thing and went to the school where she had a full ride, instead of her dream school. She chose to stick it out second semester, but in her case, she was in driving distance and arranged her schedule so that she could go back on Mondays, and leave on Thursdays. She applied to transfer and was accepted to her dream school. As a mom, it’s worth every penny to see her happy. for her, she is so happy at her new school, and even though she is more academically challenged than she has ever been, her stress level is the lowest! I think because she was sooo unhappy at her old school, that she appreciates her new school even more. If I were you, I’d stay home with your family, go to your cc, and regroup. Then make your dreams come true next year! Im so happy your parents are being supportive, that’s crucial. Good luck!</p>

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<p>SilentStudent, I absolutely echo what calla and all have written. You are not being impulsive. You made a very good effort and were willing to do what you could to make it work. The only question I can think of is why would you stay at Creighton? It does not sound in any way like the fit you need it to be. You don’t have to suffer; there is nothing to be gained that you have described and there are risks in staying it seems. You have been thoughtful, not impulsive, and you have thought through options. Be kind to yourself and change direction so that you are on the path of your choosing. The world will not end if you make a change. Not at all.</p>

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<p>Two of Happykid’s HS pals who had gone off to colleges with great intentions, were back home and in class with her at the local CC second semester. One had changed majors, lost spirit and flunked out. The other realized what a bad fit the former “dream college” had proved to be. Both thrived at the CC and are in the process of transferring after finishing up their AAs.</p>

<p>Creighton (or at least the folks in your dorm) turned out to be the wrong place for you to be right now. Sad, but not the end of the world. Call the RA and ask her to ship the things that you left behind that are important to you, and to donate the unimportant stuff. Enroll at your local CC. Enjoy your fresh start.</p>

<p>Wishing you all the best!</p>

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<p>I’m not a parent, but I second all the advice given here… But the main reason I’m replying is to say that moonpie’s post was touching.</p>

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<p>I also have a daughter in California that will transfer next fall. She wanted to stay home and go to the local CC spring semester. Unfortunately, when trying to register for classes, she found the ones that she needed in order to transfer to be full and have waiting lists. The UC campuses she already applied to will automatically reject her without a certain english and social science class. Staying home spring semester would have meant waiting another whole year and reapplying. She returned to her college this weekend ready to do well in her classes and relieved that she has made the decision to transfer and that the semester will go by fast.</p>

<p>So my only advice is to figure out if you can get the classes you need at the CC before you withdraw from your current university.</p>

9

<p>You are doing very well to get input and think everything through. I don’t have any advice: I just want to say that I admire you and the good job you are doing in school and with this decision.</p>

<p>:)</p>

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<p>SilentStudent - I am impressed with the maturity and thoughtfulness with which you have approached your dilemma. You have done everything right and covered all the bases to insure you are not being impulsive. Why should you stay at a place that makes you unhappy? Life is too short. Clearly Creighton is just not the place for you. It happens, and probably more often than you think. I would start to make alternate arrangements. So happy to hear your parents are behind you. I can tell you will be just fine once back in sunny California! Best of luck to you with your transition.</p>

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<p>Homesickness is the worst.</p>

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<p>Have you tried to move to a different dorm/floor and get a different roommate? What games did you attend with the pep band? Have you joined any clubs where you would interact with people face to face vs sitting in the bleachers next to one or two people? </p>

<p>Creighton has a very high out of state population. Have you tried to find someone from California that maybe is more like you?</p>

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<p>kellebeff has made an excellent point about finding out about the availability of classes at a California CC before withdrawing. If the classes aren’t available at a CC, then I would go with SteveMa’s suggestion and try to switch dorms. I understand that many people do this second semester. </p>

<p>Taking a semester off entirely to regroup and perhaps just work somewhere and look for another college should also be an option. Were there other colleges in California that might still work besides the overcrowded public ones?</p>

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<p>There ARE classes open at the local cc for me to take, and I’ve already taken the initiative to register early (classes at CC are not even CLOSE to starting yet). Prior to attending Creighton, I took all APs my Junior and Senior year of High School, and received 4’s and 5’s on all my APs, so many of the things I need to transfer are already in my files.</p>

<p>And yes, there are several schools I applied to before and was accepted to IN California that will still work as a replacement for public Universities. Those schools, however, were not feasible options for me at the time due to financial troubles. I was not offered much of a financial reward (I didn’t want my father to pull 40,000 dollars worth in loans each year for my first choice, and I didn’t want to have the thought of that sort of debt weighing on all our minds).</p>

<p>My plan now: take classes at cc, get a job, start to apply for a transfer, and start to see a a therapist weekly to talk to about future plans.</p>

<p>I just wanted to thank you all for your advice and for easing the worries on my mind. I think I can look forward now without any regrets.</p>

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<p>Silent Student, you have received some great feedback. </p>

<p>I can see you going places because of the wonderful attitude you have. There are many students and parents around that can learn a lot from you.</p>

<p>Go knock out those classes at your CC. Good wishes and much success to you!</p>

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<p>Silent Student - You are so fortunate to have options, I am glad your family is backing you up. Sometimes, the best place is home. It really does seem you have thought this through and are being an adult. This is what makes parents proud, the way you have approached this situation is lovely to see. I hope you find your right place, I have a feeling you will.</p>

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<p>You are a gem. :)</p>

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<p>I agree with everyone who says you seem to have thought through your decision. The one caveat I’ll add is that I did your reverse commute – from the Midwest to CA. At the end of the first quarter (Thanksgiving, actually) I was miserable. Everyone was going home, I hadn’t made good friends to spend the holiday with. I called my parents and cried and cried. My father remembers this call as one of his darkest moments to this day. </p>

<p>In my case, i got over it. Spring came around. I did make friends. Coming home (to a less rigorous college) would have been the wrong option for me. But, the school I was leaving was a good fit for me, just far way fom home.</p>

<p>Your school might be wrong on both counts, but it might be hard to tell in this instant., But pursuing something better isn’t giving up, and you should be comfortable with your choice.</p>

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<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>Either way, you’ll do great.</p>