<p>I am not sure where to go and hope that you all might know or at the very least, point me in the right direction.</p>
<p>My child is a sophomore at a SLAC about 350miles from home. The past few weeks have been the weeks from hell. We had a death in the family, as well of lots of low key bad luck situations --including my child coming down with a bad cold. On top of this she has recently received a few grades that are uncharacteristically low as compared to her usual marks.</p>
<p>She has an appointment with the health center tomorrow and will be home for break on Monday, but she is so unhappy. </p>
<p>Her freshman year had a couple of ups and downs, as one would expect, but right now she is questioning EVERYTHING and feels so overwhelmed and somewhat abandoned. </p>
<p>Anyone been here?? Anyone know of a thread to bump for this?? I have no idea what I can do from this distance to help her.</p>
<p>Is she passes her classes? Does she like her major? Does she have friends? Did she take too many classes? Does she push herself and get upset if she isn’t perfectz.</p>
<p>She is passing all of her classes. 3 she is doing quite well in. 2 (her major) are causing her pain. She is working very hard and topping out at a C+, one being an upper level course that I am not sure she was ready for. This is causing her to truly question her major (which I am fine with).</p>
<p>Personally, I thought this was too soon to commit to a major anyway. I was thinking she would seal that deal in January, but… </p>
<p>I am just concerned because she is so unhappy and is not feeling supported in any way at school.</p>
<p>This is what the student counseling center is for. Have her make an appointment to talk with a professional who is used to seeing students. A good counselor will review how things are going not just academically, but socially, emotionally and health-wise, and help her to identify ways that she can retake control of her situation. </p>
<p>And if she doesn’t feel like her conversation with this person was helpful, urge her to set up an appointment with someone else at the center. She should return until she finds someone there she connects with and with whom she is comfortable sharing.</p>
<p>D1 had a similar story–freshman year went fine and sophomore year was brutal. She thought of changing majors and went in to talk with a professor in the department because she wasn’t sure she had what it would take to finish the major. </p>
<p>They huddled together, took inventory of her talents and interests, and were able to craft a schedule of classes that would satisfy the major requirements and that she would be able to pass. </p>
<p>Definitely talk with someone in her major department…they’ll have seen it all before.</p>
<p>carasmom – so sorry for the death in your family. Was D especially close to this family member? Or are her troubles more school-centered?</p>
<p>Does she get a “J-term” (long break from Xmas through end of January)? If so, can she come home and see someone local (i.e., therapist)? Sometimes I think our kids, even if they go to the college counseling center, feel like they need to keep their game face on and don’t really open up like they would if they were home. </p>
<p>If she’s questioning everything, maybe find out from the school what the ramifications are for her to take a semester off. Maybe she just needs to be home for a while and regroup. I don’t think they’d kick her out if she took a semester off.</p>
<p>Let her voice her dissatisfaction. Let her voice her questions and concerns. It sounds like she is going through a period of change, and she needs the stability of your love and support (which I know you are giving) in order to figure out her next step.</p>
<p>When people say to go to the college’s counseling center, what does that mean?
Is it like the wellness/health center, or something more serious, like a psychiatrist? Is it put on the medical record?</p>
<p>Counseling referred to is likely academic although centers can handle just about any type of problem. If something is serious referrals can be made. Consider it a place to get plugged into the system appropriately for any problems- however minor they may seem. This is NOT a health/medical center. Students need a place on campus to go to when they don’t know what to do- this is it. Going to a college’s counseling center doesn’t mean a student has a psychological problem, it just means they need guidance. The exact way things are run will depend on the school.</p>
<p>I think folks are referring to a counselor in mental heath services, at least in some posts. The majority of students use such services at some point in their college years. It does not go on a regular medical record and there are special documents to sign for release of anything pertaining to mental health, if that is ever needed.</p>
<p>Seeking help from the department, from a dean, and from counseling services (mental health) can all be tremendously helpful.</p>
<p>A leave of absence is also no big deal but watch out for deadlines to cancel housing. Any of the resources just mentioned can help facilitate a leave. That may not be necessary, but many students do take leaves for all kinds of reasons, often for positive ones.</p>
<p>Thank you for the kind words. She will not be getting a long break, her breaks are very short, there are many good things about her school, but if I can get my time and thoughts together I have a LOT to share with the “how can we help your out of state student” thread I saw a couple of days ago.</p>
<p>Thanks to all of you. I appreciate al of the recommendations and suggestions. She is doing better, spoke to health center and briefly (too briefly IMO) spoke to advisor. She still has issues, but will be home on Monday and I am hoping we can come up with a resolution or at the very least a temporary plan while she is home for Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>Not sure if I am in a position to provide any guidance as my child is also in crisis, but I think they “hit a wall” at certain times and everything that once mattered to them no longer does. I know many students transfer and withdraw but sometimes it’s more than this and we/parents are caught in the storm with them.</p>
<p>Counseling, as others said, is a good path to consider yet I’m going to throw out another. I decided to step back and tell my child that I’m fine with whatever decisions he makes even if it is to withdraw <em>as long as</em> the decision has a plan attached to it. I will not support a knee-jerk decision (what I’m dealing with now) but want to see thought behind the decision and a plan for what comes next. Sometimes all we need is for the rubber band of life to stretch a bit so we can get out of whatever we’re dealing with and having a parent – the closest person to the child – giving that flexibility might help. </p>
<p>Easy? Absolutely not. Yet I read something about self-reflection being important during a crisis (and believe me, I’ve been doing plenty of it recently). And since we are the parents/adults, sometimes it our change of perspective that may bring them to some clarity.</p>
<p>I have a d in her second year of college. It’s not the same situation as OP’s, but I agree with Pianomom that this is time when “what matters” can change significantly. The newness and associated excitement are gone, but they do not yet have the mindset of the third and fourth years. My own child has started giving up or thinking aobut giving up things (a college sport, an EC) that I thought she was wild about. Even thinking about giving them up is unsettling for her. Part of it is just the normal process of becoming an independant adult. If nothing seems to be going well, however, there may be something bigger in play.</p>
<p>Yes, on my d’s campus the counseling center is staffed by therapists who would do talk therapy. Students can go in short term, for academic issues, or longer term, if they’re dealing with something like anxiety. The office certainly does not put anything on a medical record. If necessary, as in the case of someone needing meds, the office will refer to a psychiatrist, but could not provide that level of care. I would say many, many students make use of the office and its services.</p>