<p>I read the prompt wrong?? PLEAAASE!! I covered the entire prompt in my Why Penn essay in addition to discussing why I would be a good match for the university and how I would fit in on campus. The unique courses of study at Penn are the dual degree/joint degree programs by the way and as long as you mention your realization of their existence and specific interests there, you've got that part of the prompt covered. Now regarding the more important part of the prompt, WHY ARE YOU A GOOD MATCH FOR PENN, one would actually need to RESEARCH the school in order to state why one is a PERFECT FIT for Penn.</p>
<p>What you did in your essay is you talked almost entirely about yourself with regards to your unique international background and experience setting up a table tennis tournament which supposedly exhibited "entrepreneurship". I admit it was a rather creative writing piece like other posters on this thread have commented but YOU NEVER CONNECTED ALL YOUR INTEREST BACK TO HOW THEY RELATE TO PENN. Even if admissions officers gleaned from your essay that you're a very worldly and goal-oriented individual, they would still never know how you would fit into the Penn scence and whether you're genuinely interested in going to the school. All you talked about is Huntsman. You never mentioned Locust Walk, the Econ Scream, Penn Athletics, Penn student activities, the Button, the "Love" Sign, and even ****** Philadelphia lol.</p>
<p>I agree with you that your essay was much more creative and unique than mine. I was straightforward and just listed out why I want to be at Penn and how my specific academic and extracurricular interests relate to the school. There was no ingenuity or originality, but guess what?? That's what I showed in my other two essays which were focused COMPLETELY ABOUT ME. I never viewed the Why Penn essay as a chance to go in-depth into my personal qualities because that's what the autobiography essay, hobbies short answer, and Common Application Personal Statement are for.</p>
<p>Yeah, many CC users said my essay seemed right out of a Penn brochure and THAT'S EXACTLY THE RESPONSE I WANTED. It showed that I did research about the history of the school and its academic/social opportunities and showed why I belong there.</p>
<p>Whatever, only Willis J. Stetson's opinion on both our essays really matter so we'll find out his verdict late March.</p>
<p>like i said, i covered the prompt. "why do you think THESE INTERESTS make you a good match for penn." why does huntsman make me a good match for penn? covered. the point of brochures is so that you glean interest for the school. if you say "oh i want to go to penn because of locust walk." they know that's bs if you've never visited (in my case). my friend who got into wharton wrote nothing about penn, only about himself and wharton. not to say i'll get in, or that my essay is that big of a part, but see? you don't need to write about the magic of philly to get in.</p>
<p>As I'm no longer deluding myself into believing that I will actually work on my English essay (Screw it, I'm tacking a mental health day onto the vacation), I did finally read the essay and for the most part agree with Venkater.
The essay does convey a great deal about the way you think and your values and discusses a very concrete accomplishment. I disagree with EAD; you address the manner in which Penn matches you by portraying your entrepreneurial spirit as a manifestation of and counterpart to elements of Penn's program (and vice versa). However, i think you tend to reduce many of those elements to vague abstraction without giving concrete illustration. For instance, it's all well and good to say such and such embody's Ben spirit and that said spirit connotes for you versatility, multidimensionality, etc, but it doesn't address specifically how these are traits are manifested outside of reiterating the type of program (single-degree/joint).
Additionally, I think some of the creative elements could potentially work against you. The dialogue seems more than a bit contrived, sometimes silly.
Don't get me wrong, I do think it is strong overall and when I say it may work against you, I mean in the sense that it detracts from the essay's impact, possibly nullifying it or at least making it less likely to act as a tip factor in your favor, not in the sense that it is so egregious it would really hurt you admissions chances. Also, I'm sure I'm guilty of similar vagueness in my own essay, which probably comes off as very utilitarian.</p>
<p>That said, EAD, do you mind if I also see yours?
I more or less agree with rs that mentioning features of the campus or the surrounding environment can appear somewhat superficial or suggest the applicant lacks a clear idea of what the university truly has to offer, especially if its just of the "I writhe in ecstacy at the mere mention of 'insert quirky subject of undergraduate superstition/hub of activity'" variety, but the same can be said for just about any other choice of subject matter, facets of the Huntsman program included.</p>
<p>thanks for the criticism, that was truly constructive. i agree with a lot of what you said (that was negative about me), but I hope the readers get the part about combining business/IR to fit well. As long as my essay conveys that I=Huntsman=Ben Franklin = Business/IR, then all is well :-D</p>
