<p>My ds has a great GPA /ACT score, rigorous schedule, the ec's etc.. He just doesnt seem that interested in checking out schools. What is going on? I asked him if he was scared about attending college, he said no... Any parents in a similar situation?
At what point do I just sit back and let him figure it out or do I drag him around to schools??</p>
<p>He’s a boy, you’ll find plenty of posts here about boys not being interested in looking at schools until later and even then, they find one or two they like, apply, are admitted, and are done. Check out some of the earlier posts of “High School Class of 2012” and I’m sure you’ll fine similar concerns.</p>
<p>I’m assuming he’s a junior in high school and just not interested yet, check with his friends, are they interested yet? How about a group visit to a local (within 2 hours) school? Mostly, don’t worry, it’s still a bit early for most people.</p>
<p>Well, I have girls… but I will say that a college visit served as an excellent motivator for both of my kids, but in different ways. For D1, we visited a local college that would have been a definite safety for her. She enjoyed her visit, but told me afterward that she was motivated because she thought she could “do better” in the college admissions process. So she worked harder, and did succeed in getting into an excellent school with good merit aid.</p>
<p>D2 was motivated when she set foot on a highly academic/highly ranked LAC this spring. She has definitely picked up her game in school this semester to try to position herself for admission to that particular school. I figure even if she doesn’t get in there, she is improving her chances at her other choices and positioning herself well for merit aid.</p>
<p>Fall semester of senior year is SO busy, it is hard to squeeze visiting with everything else going on. At least make sure he has done all of his standardized testing this spring. I personally would be pushing some visits, too. You as a parent will probably be making a big financial investment in his schooling (or looking for good aid). So it isn’t just his decision, IMHO. I would probably put it to him that way, and say it is time to start “shopping” for schools. Get a copy of Fiske and go over some choices with him. My D2 asked me to flag schools in Fiske I thought she would like (I picked about 40), then we went over them together and narrowed the list down. Then do some visiting this spring/summer/fall.</p>
<p>Thanks , that’s helpful. I recd. no help so I wrestle with really pushing him… then with letting it be HIS decision. 
A visit to a dream school may be a good motivator.
He is a HS Jr. so I was hoping to get this done before summer but at this stage,
Fall is when it’s happening. He has one friend who has visited about 10 schools ( Mom’s idea) , all of his other friends… nothing.
Not much pt. in visiting in the summer, right?</p>
<p>Another thing to remember…while you may have dreams about sending S to an elite university or LAC since he has great grades and scores; your S may have no desire to pursue said dreams. He may be perfectly happy with the state flagship or very good but not top 20 LAC.</p>
<p>Take him to your state flagship and a nearby LAC with a good reputation. See what he thinks.</p>
<p>It may be that he has so much on his mind that he can’t even focus on the reality of visits. For the past 2 months, DD2 has been acting totally uninterested in her upcoming trip with DH to visit 7 schools. </p>
<p>She told DH in the car late last night that she is really excited to go on this trip. He asked her why she was only now getting excited, and she said she couldn’t spare the energy to think about the trip until now. Teachers have been piling on the work in her classes and all her energy was going into that. As it is, she will be taking over 20 hours of homework with her on the trip.</p>
<p>Today, she started checking out the school websites on her own and has been peppering me with questions. Mind you , they are leaving on Saturday and this is the first time she’s sat down to do her own research (having the day off school probably helps!).</p>
<p>just back from college visits. D agreed to go but put in zero suggestions for schools and I just planned it all. We had been to a couple of info sessions nearby but she had not pushed about the trips and would have preferred a spring break at the beach. I felt like such the pushy mom but decided we would do it as a family and treat it as a strange vacation of sight seeing campuses. I planned to stay in nice places and eat well…splurge rather than our usual cheap-as-possible road trips. Even planned to be at UNC for the final NCAA game on the chance they would be in the final.</p>
<p>In the car, asked her to read the description of first school on our ititnerary in the big book of schools (don’t know what brand…but you know)…much moaning and sighs of bored resignation…but a grudging read. After that first visit, a pretty spirited analysis of what was good and bad…wow! …second one, I read but she was paying attention. By the time we had visited 3 we were able to discuss what criteria were important and which were trivial aspects but fun. She volunteered to read out loud about each one…then happily read out ones we were interested in hearing about. College ******* on the iphone gave us rankings of food/dorms/boys/girls…so we would decide if they were off base or spot on…we tried to eat at most of the campuses and check out the towns. In the end, she spent lots of time looking through the book for schools that seemed to meet her sudden interests and clear hierarchy of criteria. Now, after trip motivated to improve the scores as much as possible and will probably not visit anywhere else until she is admitted. MOst importantly, she thanked us for the trip…said it made her feel both motivated but also sure she will be happy at any of the schools we visited. College trip…some significant dollars spent but priceless.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That really depends on the school. A lot of schools have summer sessions and can be quite hopping while that’s in session. Also, most profs and administrators work for at least part of the summer so you might be able to setup appointments to meet with them.</p>
<p>Sometimes colleges run later into springtime or start earlier in the fall than HS. So another alternative might be to visit at the very end or very start of your kid’s summer break.</p>
<p>Schools all have their calendars on their websites. Check there to see what might work. A quick email to a school’s admissions office might yield some alternatives, too.</p>
<p>We made a summer road trip out east after sophomore year to get D thinking about college and show her another part of the country. Went to Niagara Falls, visited a friend in upstate NY and then schools in several cities including Boston, where grandparents went to well-known schools. To me, it was just a fun and informative road trip. Unfortunately, she came back saying “we wanted her to go to school in Boston so that’s the last place she’s going.” Honestly, not our intention! The following summer we visited the west coast, where she is now happily attending the school of her choice. If you do “drag” him to visit (and I know sometimes that’s necessary), just be sure he’s clear on the intention of the trip. Good luck!</p>
<p>Kids are different! My D set up a bunch of college visits, and son tagged along to all of them. When it was time for son to visit, he had no interest, he said he already made up his mind where he wanted to go - where his big sister went - and Highly Selective</p>
<p>However, he did admit that sometimes it is best to have a back up - just in case - so we did visit some schools that he thought he would be interested in. So, we spent summer between Jr-Sr year visiting, and having fun, no pressure since he KNEW where he wanted to go. He came to enjoy the attention as AdComs and Honors Colleges fawned over him. And who doesn’t like that?! :)</p>
<p>So, I suggest to get your son to give you specifics of what he is looking for in a school, put the wish list through the CC search engine, then go over the list with him, and ask him which 4-5 he would like to go see?</p>
<p>And BTW - my son was right, and he did get in where he wanted to go, BUT I know he thinks he did the right thing by checking out the other schools.</p>
<p>Good luck to you and your son in the Big Search. AND HAVE SOME FUN!!!</p>
<p>I agree, taking that first visit is the hardest. Pick a day, let him miss school if you think that will be a motivator and just go. Take him to a school you think he will like. Do the tour, eat in the dining hall and go home. He will have something to think about at least, then suggest a few more schools based on his likes/dislikes of the first school and go from there. If he is like our kids, they are REALLY busy right now with getting ready for ACT/SAT/AP tests and just doing ONE more thing is too much.</p>
<p>I would pick out a dozen or so colleges and introduce your son to them. You know your kid pretty well. Take him to one you like or maybe the safety. This will get the fire going. Senior year is way to busy to try to figure out a game plan. He needs to narrow them down to about 4 to 12 colleges. He should try to start all his college applications in the summer so that the mad rush does not overwhelm him in the fall. Make sure you have a very good safety for him. </p>
<p>We went with 4 colleges that we knew dd would more than likely get into for sure. They were all affordable state colleges. She got into all of them. None were reach schools so it was more likely she would not get shut out. I wish she had applied to more of them but in the end she is very happy with the college she is attending.</p>
<p>My daughter (now a college freshman) was totally apathetic about the process; my son (HS '14) is somewhat interested. I’m taking him on his first college visit this weekend. He’s only a sophomore, but I found it incredibly difficult to fit in all the visits especially when they do a sport. There are no free weekends.</p>
<p>I realize now how much of a “good” visit depends on some basics – get a good night’s sleep, don’t tour hungry, leave yourself enough time to get to the school so you’re not cursing because you can’t find the Admissions office (all of which I’ve done).</p>
<p>Re: visiting in the summer – many colleges have kids on campus in mid to late August, so if your child’s high school doesn’t start til after Labor Day, you may be able to visit in late August and get the feel of the student body.</p>
<p>Good luck :)</p>
<p>My son is similar (though no great SAT yet). He does everything expected of him re school – demanding classes, volunteers, etc) but zero interest in visiting or even picking schools. I have a list only bc our GC made one. We are thinking of a visit this summer that we will combine with something else but his enthusiasm level is abysmal. I am hoping it will click for him later. In the meantime I am in total preparation mode so I can be ready when he is. In my son’s case, I think things are complicated by him not knowing what he really wants to study…so the whole thing feels too abstract. I am offering him a gap year to sort things out but he just does not want to commit to anything! Frustrating!</p>
<p>I would definitely a suggest doing a visit to a college close to home for the first visit to break the ice. Ask a friend or perhaps a friend and parent to go with you. We did first round visits in June and July. The campuses all had classes going just a slower pace but it was easier to find our way around. We always had large groups for the summer visits we went on. The following year after narrowing down the list, we went back and did department visits and another look at the dorms.</p>
<p>Drag him, push him, nag him, threaten him - do whatever you have to do. Your S sounds so much like my S. In fact, when I read your post, I swear it sounded exactly like the one I posted a year ago. I had to check the name to be sure it wasn’t mine! LOL!</p>
<p>S NEVER really took any initiative throughout the entire process. There were times we went to look at colleges without a formal tour, and he refused to get out of the car! And it never got any better. I spent 2 years of my life doing all the research, making spreadsheets, listing important information for the colleges he liked. He never even read most of it. And doing applications was torturous!! I finally had to ground him and FORCE him to sit down and do them. Plus I’d have the college counselor stalk him in school, hoping he’d at least listen to her. He didn’t. He even went to Ivy League interviews without preparing. I begged, I pleaded, I ranted and raved. It didn’t matter.</p>
<p>I’m hoping that your S gets excited about college like some of these other posters’ kids did. But if he doesn’t, know that you are not alone. I TOTALLY feel your pain!!</p>
<p>It is too bad that he is not even a little excited. I guess in a kids mind it could seem like it is so far away that he doesn’t even want to bother with it yet. You could use his lack of opinion to you advantage. Why not do some research on schools that you think are a good fit for him. Look over some that you think would be a good possibility and let him know that you are doing this.</p>
<p>You might spark some interest or he could be happy that you are checking things out for him. Consider the alternative-he could be dead set on going someplace that you are totally against or cannot afford. If you are doing some checking then you can find out a lot before he has an interest.</p>
<p>Make sure to look into a variety of options. Find something that is close by so he can stay at home if he wants to. Look at some prestigious schools too if you think that is a possibility(ivies). At some point he is going to get tired of you making all the decisions, i would imagine and take a stand. He also might be grateful for the info gathering and pick one of the schools that you checked out.</p>
<p>I would not force or threaten, if he is like my S. I haven’t been able to force my S to do anything he didn’t want to do since he was about 12 years old. He had a very specific major in mind, we visited one school in the spring of his sophomore year, and that is where he is attending. I took him that early because I wanted him to be motivated to work hard enough in high school so he could get in. I did convince him to apply to a couple of other schools just in case (one rolling admission) but he never visited any after the first one. He was only interested in whether a school had his major, not what it looked like, location, etc. I do think in general boys are very different than girls in the interest in visiting, planning early, etc.</p>
<p>We did a week-long summer road trip because that was the only option with S’s spring sports. Visited 1, sometimes 2 (if they were close) colleges a day, ranging in size from huge to tiny. He figured out pretty quickly he didn’t want tiny (got to one and he didn’t even want to get out of the car–too small). Even the “don’t want to get out of the car” stop was useful information. We planned a day at Hersheypark in the middle (always plan a “fun” day in the middle if you’re doing a week trip). In the end he applied to 6 schools, got into 4, waitlisted at 1 and rejected at 1. One of the other benefits of the tour was that he realized that he didn’t want to be too far from home. He ended up at the state flagship, about 2 hours from home, and is very happy there and doing well.</p>
<p>If your S doesn’t want to do the week long trip, try a couple of day visits to nearby colleges of varying sizes. If he’s still apathetic about the process, my personal take would be to not wage an all-out campaign to get him to focus on lots of schools. Make him apply early action to the state flagship and at least other one safety. The buzz about college application at school in the fall of senior year may make him finally wake up and take notice and he can do some applciations to other schools for regular decision. If not, well at least you know he’s going somewhere.</p>
<p>The degree of effort and initial iterest shown in the college search and discussion between my two older kids was completely different, but also much matched their personalities. It didn’t take me very long to adjust my style of assistance My older D, who really focused on school independently and takes huge pride in achievement was conversational and helpful. She had her own opinions and feelings, sometimes to my frustration because she nixed many schools without being willing to look at them.</p>
<p>My son, on the other hand, is very laid back. He does as well in any given class as he puts his mind to. He doesn’t lose a minute of sleep if he get a “B” rather than an “A”. He was very ambivilant about the process and didn’t want to talk about it. If we brought it up we’d often get an 'eye-roll" and he’d change the subject.</p>
<p>We started in late Spring of his jr year (which is very late for many) and took him to the most “exciting” prospective U (which I had found for him) It involved a plane ride and 2 nights in a hotel. We arranged for a friend’s daughter, who was a student there, to meet with him and walk him around a bit in addition to the tour. He came home a bit more willing to at least have the discussions.</p>
<p>He never did exhibit a LOT of enthusiasm. We wound up eventually taking him to look at 5 or 6 more over Summer and early Fall of his sr year. He happily went, but sometimes acted like it was kind of a personal inconvenience. We got our parental satisfaction of a job well done, when he toured the last school that he had put on the list himself. He asked to go to the book store to buy a sweatshirt. Our search and discussion was over…he’d found his match.</p>
<p>I received absolutely no help from my folks “way back when” and it was hard for me. I was only 17 when I went to college and really NEEDED help. I could have gone to a much better U than I did, but my parents were silent on the process, selection, funding … everything. </p>
<p>My feeling is to get your kids the information, show them the possibilities and their choices -even if they appear ambivalent. Discuss with them as early as possible what they need to do to get where they want to go. Disucss the $ aspect so there are no surprises. Then let them make their choice. It rarely works or produces happy results to strong-arm a child or conversely, to let them struggle or meander with no guidance.</p>