<p>im in my second semester of my freshman year and i still do not feel comfortable...first semester i thought it was okay to not feel like i fit in with a group and have a best friend but now its happening again and i feel really lonely. i joined a sorority to help, but it didnt really, people came in cliques and i just became friendly with people but not good friends. i sometimes hang out with these 4 or 5 girls but they rarely call me and it feels like i am always putting in the effort and i feel like im on a burden on them. last night my roommate, who i thought i was good friends with, set up a birthday dinner for her good friend who im not really that close with, and didnt invite me, nor did she tell me about it untill she was leaving, later i found out there were like 30 people there and it really offended me. last semester my grades were fair so im afraid that if i do want to transfer i wont even get in. also my parents think i am happy cause i cant bear to tell them how i am unhappy and i just dont know if i should give it more time or think about alternate schools for next year.</p>
<p>Sunshine, I was in your shoes many years ago. It can be difficult to find your niche in a new place. While nothing I can say will make you feel better right now, I hope my experience will help you to keep things in perspective. For pretty much the first year, I felt like I didn't really "belong" at my school. I guess I expected to feel a better connection right away, or to find best friends more quickly. I hung in there, talked to people in class, went to meetings, joined study groups, got more involved in my sorority. Eventually, I felt very much a part of things. Now, not everyone reaches the point where they feel like it's the greatest place they have ever been ... or even a place they will look back on fondly. It would be nice if everyone loved the social aspect of their school. Really, though, it just doesn't always happen. Many people just kind of float through. That's how it was for me in high school. Maybe you were pretty much in the thick of things in high school & you wish it was like that in college? It sometimes is, sometimes isn't. You can increase the odds by getting involved with different groups. Your roommate seems to have her own circle of friends. That does NOT mean that she isn't your friend. It just means that she has a group of friends she sees as separate from you. That is your cue that you need to reach out to form some other friendships, too, if possible. </p>
<p>What I do NOT see in your post is that you don't like your school itself. It's more that you just don't feel a part of things yet. If you transfer, you may very well find yourself right back at square one (and it might even be lonelier). Just based on what you have said so far, I would encourage you to give it time. I feel for you, and I know it's tough. I just don't know that a transfer is necessarily going to solve anything.</p>
<p>And for what it's worth, I am a mom & I would hope my kids would talk to me about their feelings. I would listen to them and tell them all the wonderful things they have to offer the world. I would not tell them what to do one way or the other ... I would just be there to lift them up. Don't hesitate to share you feelings with your parents.</p>
<p>Are you happy with the school itself? How about the academics? The location? If everything else is going well then I suggest giving it some more time. Try getting involved on campus in things that interest you whether it be clubs or organizations or volunteer work. You may still find others who could become your close friends. If by the first semster of your sophomore year you are still feeling like you haven't connected, then you might want to look elsewhere.</p>
<p>I agree that sharing your feelings with your parents is a good idea.</p>
<p>I agree with the above posts. I will share with you what my son went through and ultimately decided. He felt much like you at his school as a freshman--didn't really have a social group, superficially friendly with some guys--but no close connections. He did though really like the academics, the physical set-up of the school, his professors and the general location of the school. He felt that maybe he got off on the wrong foot the first year, got in a funk, and really didn't give it his best shot. He returned for his soph. year and ended up still feeling like an outsider.</p>
<p>He transferred after his soph year. and is much more comfortable and social at his new school. No school (in my opinion) is perfect and he has found this to be so. However, the positives at his new school outweigh the negatives.</p>
<p>Unlike you, he is VERY verbal. He shared his feelings with us throughout this somewhat painful process. I can't say that I, as the parent, enjoyed it--but I am so glad that he confided all this in us. Though, the decision was totally his, I think it helped him to bounce things off of us.</p>
<p>Good luck with your decision process.</p>
<p>mkm56, I feel like I'm in a similar situation as your son was. The academics at my school are decent and the financial aid's okay, but I feel like it's still not the right place for me (I'm a sophomore). May I ask what about your son's new school made him feel more comfortable socially; better location, more students interested in learning, etc? I'm also worried about giving up Junior Year Abroad but the thought of returning to my school for senior year is disconcerting.</p>
<p>sunshine, i'm in the exact same position right now. from the roommate, to the burden, to the parents, and i too am unsure whether or not i should transfer or try to stick it out. all my best friends from home LOVE their schools and can't stop talking about them and it makes me want to cry cause i'm just so unhappy and lonely here sometimes.</p>
<p>i'm getting involved in more clubs and stuff this semester, so i hope things will get better. the academics are very good as is my financial aid which is another problem. even with financial aid covering half my tuition, my parents are still struggling to pay it, and if i transferred i doubt i'd get as generous a scholarship as i have now...</p>
<p>the school and academics here are great, so it is only my social life holding me back. but also that my school is very far from home, i have to fly, so i dont have the chance to see my friends near home or my parents that often. my roommate has been being nice though because i think she realizes my situation but i feel like i am just tagging alone with her and hanging out with her friends, who are nice, but just not my group of people.</p>
<p>The difference between my son's "old" school and "new" one was/is for him a matter of "feel". At his first school, most of the students were very academically motivated (which is good), professors engaged (also good), but most of the population seemed to be pretty homogeneous with a heavy emphasis on Greek. The town was not a college town. Class sizes were great (another thing he liked).</p>
<p>At "new" school, though a state school--the population is much more varied with all economic backgrounds represented, more racial diversity and more just different people with different tastes and views. The location is in a "college town" where the town exists for the school--everything is student friendly, good public transportation (1st school did not have this).</p>
<p>Surprisingly, he was pretty anti-Greek at first school and then ended up pledging at the 2nd school. He said he just found the fraternities to be much more laid-back and less pretentious where he is now.</p>
<p>Now he is involved with his fraternity (which did give him a large group of ready friends, which was good coming in as a junior). He is playing 3 intramural sports this semester. He loves biking around town (not able to do that at previous school). And he has a local gym opened 24/7 where he enjoys working out.</p>
<p>He also feels less guilty as the 2nd school is much more affordable, but is actually ranked a little higher (if that really means anything). The only negatives he has encounter so far are the larger classes and less personal involvement from professors.</p>