OP’s initial post of this thread indicates a realistic expectation of schools in the UCSB to UCSC range (UCD and UCI are probably similar in selectivity to UCSB, though there may be some differences based on division or major). Of course, the OP could look at some significantly less selective private or out-of-state public schools for merit money to bring the cost down to UC levels.
and to any CC parents trying to “lecture” a 17 yr old about the “choices” her parents made regarding where to buy a home- really?? what is that going to change? that choice was made and the horse has left the barn…
SV IS incredibly expensive, AND desirable to many highly educated people because of the wealth of opportunities here. And because of prop 13, passed decades ago, funding for public schools via property taxes is very hit and miss, and how much is spent on public schools depends very much on the city/ county one resides in. In addition- we dont have subways, train service or high speed rail service to the SF peninsula, where SV and Menlo are located, which IF they were available ,would allow parents or kids to easily commute from the east bay or other "less "expensive cities. So if one goes to Menlo or Harker, or Castilleja, you have to live on the Peninsula.
I’m not surprised that her parents are sending her to Menlo- she getting a great education, at relatively low cost [because of the generosity of their scholarship program], and a good shot at the UC’s.
My reaction was more to this comment, “My parents are always short on money and they spend a lot of time balancing their books, paying bills strategically and counting up all their change.
I myself am a little confused on why things are so bad (people everywhere in the U.S. have just as much debt as us with a smaller salary)” combined with the embarrassment about turning down schools bc of FA. It strikes me that @ucbalumnus 's post about expensive tastes is incredibly insightful. I do not think the OP is aware that $700-800k in debt is not the norm for people in their mid-40s. (Or ever, in probably most people’s reality.)
Fwiw, my comments were not meant to disparage her parents who are obviously struggling. The OP posted that they are even counting their change, far from an enviable situation. My comments were directed toward the disconnect between their financial circumstances and its relation to the debt and the OP’s dismissal of that reality. This is not a financial situation centered around frugality. Her parents are in significant debt and that debt is controlling their budget.
The parents have offered a generous college budget in a state filled with excellent public universities. That is nothing to be ashamed of.
@angiepie Hopefully you will get into your first choice UC! Wait and see, there will be alot of kids going to UCs once the year is done and there are tons of kids from all over the country that would LOVE to go to a UC. You are lucky your parents have provided you with a great education and have committed to helping you pay for college. Please keep us posted on what you decide.
Parents: agree with other posters - the situation with the parents ‘is what it is’ lets focus on giving the OP good advice and not on judging the parents (who are not asking for advice on what they should have done).
700-800K debt, especially when most of that is mortgage, is not out of whack for people who are making 250-300K a year. As I have calculated, $6000/mon debt payment on 250K annual income is only 28%, and that’s on the low end when qualifying for a mortgage (many people pay 30-35% of their income for housing).
@oldfort Are most people doing that starting in their mid-40s and when that level of income is new?
Colleges take into account debt and assets. If you’re parents are making 250k they have to pay roughly 35% in taxes so available money is closer to 180-200k a year. That puts your monthly adjusted income at 15-16k. If your parents are on a 10 year mortgage they are paying 6k a month to pay off their house and interest. this leaves you with 8-9k a month for everything else. Take out another 3000(high side) for insurance and other neccessaties, they are left with 6k a month. another 2k for retirement. you have 4k a month to pay for everything else, if your parents can pay 3k a month that will give you 36k a year before having to go into debt. If you go to a private school they will take all this into account and offer you 10-15k in aid, merit aid can also bridge the gap. Goodluck, but i dont see any issues with debt and college in your future. Congrats!
edit: i didnt realize student loans, then maybe a better contribution really is closer to 24k. colleges will understand this thouggh. I think your parents and I came up with very similar figures haha
The family debt doesn’t matter. The issue is that this student will not be eligible for a nickel of need based aid at any college in this country. And he or she has been receiving need based aid at Menlo, apparently.
The family has given the student a budget for college. That is the issue. The OP wants that budget to include aid from the colleges in addition. IF the OP does garner merit aid, it is possible for the OP to get the costs of college reduced. But I’m not hearing that in her OP. I heard that she hoped that colleges will consider the family debt. That won’t happen.
But again…this student should have some good options if the application list was a broad one. I’m guessing Menlo has excellent college advising…most elite private schools do. I hope the OP used this advising…and then considered the costs as well…when crafting her college application list.
And lastly,mthere are kids from elsewhere who would be beyond thrilled to be acceoted to the schools this student seems to think are “lesser”.
Housing debt is not a permanent one. As long as they are not in a bad market, i,e, bought it high and currently low, they can get out of the housing debt at any given time.
The student debt on the other hand stays with you until you it off.
OP - have your parents tried any calculators for financial aid on the college websites to see whether they get qualify for zero aid?
No they don’t consider consumer debt like college loans, and mortgages. They just don’t.
Need based financial aid is primarily based on income…INCOME.
This student isn’t paying full freight for private school, says they receive 85% aid. Colleges won’t consider that either.
@texaspg Yes, we’ve tried financial aid calculators and for most schools, we receive zero.
@thumper1 I wasn’t hoping colleges consider my debt, I was trying to reason out why my parents are frugal with their money. I am really not trying to get more money from colleges. With my family’s income, that isn’t going to happen. I was just looking for some advice on how to handle with my parents’ rationale, something I have recently come to terms with since I started this discussion.
@SeniorStruggling Wow! Thanks so much for your comment. I really appreciate you breaking it down. I think I’ve been having a hard time actually understanding where all the money goes to but I never really though about all the extra things like life insurance.
I’m not judging OP or her parents. She posted wondering if schools would give her need based aid because of the high cost of living and their large amount of debt. The short answer is no and I merely explained why. The parents seem to have positioned themselves to provide her with a 4-year education at some very good schools, they’re just not the schools on the top of her list. She only has a few months to explore other options. If her safety schools are her best options, we should be encouraging her to learn more and find something to love about them. If not, we should come up with some backups while she still has time to apply.
@angiepie, Are you happy with the schools that seem affordable after running the NPCs or do you want suggestions for others? I think the options you have are very good schools, but it’s important that you’re happy. If you can graduate with little or no debt, that is a huge gift. I wish you lots of luck. 
@angiepie - spending 60-70k per year on a private school is a choice irrespective of the income. There are many parents out there who are in a lot better financial position than yours who choose not to spend. There are also many kids from high schools with tuitions of 35k who do end up in State schools even if their parents want to pay for a well known college simply because they don’t make the cut. Going to a private college for the sake of going to one does not make any sense if it is ranked 100 while you have several publics available in top 50 like California does.
@angiepie, would your parents be willing to sit down with you and show you how their budget works? You’d be amazed at how many non-obvious costs there are. Besides the mortgage, there are taxes, utilities, insurance, food costs, house and car maintenance, commuting expenses, retirement savings and others that don’t come immediately to mind. There may be health costs that have affected them as well. I think you’d have a great deal of respect for them if the three of you could sit down and review this together. It would also be eye opening for you.
FWIW, my own parents did not counsel me at all about their state of finances. I had no idea that there was a financial restriction of any sort and I learned about it only after I received my college acceptances. I would have applied very differently if I’d known in advance that I had a budget to consider.
My kids were stunned once they graduated from college to make a dentist appointment and get handed a bill as they walked out. They were equally stunned by their first paychecks to see how much of their gross went to taxes, medical, etc. It takes a while for financial literacy to kick in- that first year after graduation off the family payroll sure got my kids smart about money in a hurry!!!
@thumper1 some colleges do… they take into account cost of living in your area. if you live in a poor zipcode you will get more aid. some schools are like that. I know, i have gone over things with my financial aid counselors and my cost is looking like 17k a year even though my mom makes 130k a year.
@texaspg it has a lot to do with the student as well, what if she wants to have smaller class sizes and open door policies with her professors? I did not apply to UT Austin at all because I don’t want to go to a large auditorium or be in a caste system of students. 28k a year instate for me, but who wants to feel lesser than their classmates because they can’t afford to go out to concerts and live at callaway house?
I don’t fit in at a public school, maybe neither does the op.