URGENT: Can someone please critique my essay for the supplement?

<p>Let me just preface this by saying that I am a terrible, terrible writer. This is by far the worst part of every one of my applications. From what I’ve read and what people have told me, with my stats, BU is a low match. I just don’t want an essay to ruin my chances, so do you mind just telling me what you think of it and pointing out any gramatical errors you see? Your help is greatly, greatly appreciated. Here it is…</p>

<p>I put on that white coat each morning with a great sense of pride. Pride in that I spend everyday genuinely making the lives of others happier. There is nothing better in life then seeing that smile on someone’s face when they are first told that their parent, their spouse, or their sibling is going to be alright. What I do is not a job; no job can make someone this happy as it does for me. As the son of a policeman and a nurse, I was taught at a very early age to love my fellow man. For me, there was no better field that incorporated both service to my fellow man and my own personal interests than the field of medicine.</p>

<p>This is my future, and the education I receive from Boston University will be the foundation for this future… The main reason I am applying to Boston University is because this school will reinforce and contribute to both parts of becoming a doctor- the factual aspect and the compassionate aspect. Being a medical doctor requires this perfect harmony because they need to be intelligent enough to know how to treat a condition and compassionate enough to give up so much of their time to give hope to others. Intellectually, BU is undoubtedly one of the best schools in the world, and it will provide the foundation for future education. Just as important however, BU provides a bevy of opportunities to help the less-fortunate in the community. While attending this university, I will take advantage of the many programs offered, especially the ones that seem to incorporate healthcare like BU’s “Project Hope.” I feel that community-outreach programs like these will reinforce me with compassion in knowing that not everybody is as lucky as I am, and as a doctor, I need to try to help them. As a small child, I was enamored with BU simply because I used to always see a “Boston University” sign while driving next to the Charles River on our way to see our beloved Sox. I am now enamored with BU because of the opportunities in provides both educationally and spiritually.</p>

<p>I think this is a great essay.
EDIT- 3rd sentence "than"</p>

<p>Well done. :)</p>

<p>some grammer mistakes</p>

<p>Second Paragraph, "someone's face". The noun you than used to address someone is THEY.
Should be he or she. To fix it without adding the awkward wierd he or she to it, you can simply say "People's face".</p>

<p>And the BU sigh part I don't think is that unique.Yes it tells them that Boston is a perfect fit for you since you live close to it or in the city. However,there are about 60+ colleges in and out of Boston. I am sure the BU sign hasn't been the only one you have been seeing.</p>

<p>Just my 2 cents. Don't take it seriously.</p>

<p>last sentence: should be "opportunities IT provides"
and i think its an excellent essay, well-worded and gives a sense to your true passion and your character. as a fellow future doctor, i am always thrilled when others share the same passion for the profession: not for the respect you receive but for the reward of knowing that someone's life was made better because of you :-D
good luck with BU! you'll love it!</p>

<p>Hi!</p>

<p>"This is my future, and the education I receive from Boston University will be the foundation for this future."</p>

<p>I think it might sound better if you eliminate the use of 'future' again at the end. Maybe: "This is my future, and the education I receive from BU will be its foundation".</p>

<p>You also used 'compassion' or 'compassionate' a couple of times, maybe you can swap one of the words for something of the same meaning?</p>

<p>I really liked your first paragraph. It was catchy. =]</p>

<p>I just realized it's past the deadline. Haha, sorry. Silly me.</p>

<p>^What do you mean it's past the deadline??! Isn't the deadline tonight @ 11:59?</p>

<p>^ Yep, lol, it is.</p>

<p>I just hope he figures that out...</p>

<p>Oh crap, I made 2 mistakes:</p>

<p>1) The deadline is 1st of Jan, not 31st of Dec.
2) I'm 13 hours ahead (time difference)</p>

<p>Sorry, haha, hope I didn't panic anyone.</p>