Urgent -- Is it ok to contact the Dean??

Parents Forum
1

In general, I try to be a “hands off” mom and encourage my daughter to be a strong self-advocate. However, is this a time for me to make an exception?

DD is a strong student, a sophomore at a top liberal arts college. First year was academically successful, but she experienced depression and anxiety, which are being treated with meds and counseling and are kinda sorta under control.

She had a great summer internship, and had her first serious romantic relationship this summer. She headed back to school and was facing some mild/moderate back-to-school anxiety. She found a consortium class that she was super excited about and she received the professor’s permission to add it. She spoke to her advisor about the class and the advisor was very supportive of it, but DD needed to totally rejigger her schedule in order to accommodate that class. Then, less than one week back at school, her now long distance BF suddenly broke up with her by phone. She was devastated and was barely holding herself together, but managed to attend numerous classes plus another meeting or two with her advisor in order to find a schedule that worked. I was proud of her persistence and strength. On a positive note, she told me that she was very excited about her final course load. She’s slightly behind in some of the classes that she added (having missed the first couple classes while she was going through the add/drop process, petitioning professors to put her on a wait list, etc.), and it’s been a lot of work and a lot of stress, but she ended up very pleased with the results. (And I agree that it’s a great mix of classes.)

Problem is, she just learned on the last day of add/drop that the registrar needed to approve the consortium class (wasn’t blatantly obvious on the website and the advisor made no mention of that requirement). Further, the registrar denied approval because the class was too “pre-professional” and not fully “liberal arts” (although the registrar conceded that it looked like an amazing class.) Although it may be true that it is more pre-professional than it is liberal arts (it’s a hybrid) there are also numerous courses offered for credit at DD’s school that are at least as “pre-professional” as this. DD was told she could still take the class, and it would appear on her transcript, but the grade and credit will not count. BUT she was told that she cannot take only 3 credits and still be considered in good standing. Her options are (a) to drop this fantastic course that she loves and replace it with something else from her school (knowing that her choices will be extremely limited at this last minute and really frustrating after she revised her entire schedule to accommodate the consortium class), or (b) seek approval from “disability” to take 3 credits instead of 4 in light of her depression/anxiety (although she would actually take the 4th course, not for credit … and I have no idea as to whether they would actually approve this), or © add a half course (music lessons) this semester and one next semester, which they allow, but they require the student to take 4.5 credits the first semester and 3.5 credits the second semester and we would need them to make an exception to switch that order (which DD was told they would be reticent to do), or (d) add a fifth course that she’s not excited about and possibly take it pass/fail, while still holding on to the course that she loves. She doesn’t like option (d) because she already feels like she is taking a very demanding course load and she is slightly behind already due to the add/drop changes; she is afraid that that the additional class hours would be literally overwhelming.

DD is near at wits end. She has been meeting with the registrar and her advisor and an alternate class dean (because hers is unavailable) and so far she is getting no support for any accommodations whatsoever. It looks like they will either require her to drop the consortium class (which DD feels is untenable and she is extremely reluctant to do this) or take 5 courses (which DD feels will doom her). Do I let her continue this fight on her own, or call the Dean or somebody to try to get some reasonable accommodation for her? It doesn’t seem unreasonable to me for them to (a) give credit for the “pre-professional class” that is similarly pre-professional to a fair number of their courses, or (b) allow an exception for her to take only 3 credits this semester (but 4 courses), or © allow her to take 3.5 credits this semester (incl. half credit of music) and 4.5 credits next semester (incl. half credit music).

Thoughts?

2

“Thoughts ?” Yes. Drop the consortium class. Problem solved.

Curious as to which class could lead to such a stressful situation. Are you willing to share which class ?

3

I think it is appropriate for you to call. It is good for them to have a heads up anyway that your daughter is depressed/anxious, Does she have current documentation of that? Did she sign a release? (If not, you can talk to them but they can’t talk to you.)

The break-up seems relevant in that she needs the consortium class to stay up enough in mood to recover. That’s what I get from your post. Ordinarily I would suggest just proceeding in whatever way is possible, consortium or not, but it seems she needs that more than usual due to the boyfriend.

I would absolutely get involved with your daughter’s permission.

4

Was she put on a 504 when she was diagnosed? That would make it easier to get accommodations, actually they would legally have to provide it for her. Maybe the director or dean of the student services program or office would be better to engage than the academic dean.

5

@BlueBerryHill: Why elevate your daughter’s stress level ? Let it go.

6

I think you should call. I tried to let my kids handle things but often I found one call and I could cut through the red tape. My daughter was missing a high school final transcript and we’d had it sent 3 times but it still wasn’t there. She stood in line to talk to the registrar, talked to her coach, talked to her dept, and yet no one would let her register. One call from me (to of all places financial aid) and we found the problem - she had two files. The transcripts were there all along, just in the wrong file. So she registered late, was closed out of a section of a required lab. Wouldn’t you know, a miracle occurred and a space opened up in that section. Within an hour.

Now the answer might be that she does have to pick one of your options, but that the 3.5/4.5 flip isn’t a problem or that she can go back to her original schedule, but I think you’ll get a direct answer. Seems like the adviser should also be more helpful if he/she suggested the consortium course or indicated it would be approved for credit and now it isn’t.

But I’d suggest she drop the class that she ‘loves.’ It’s been two weeks and it’s already causing trouble. No class is worth all that work without getting the credit.

7

So it seems that her advisor approved the course and then the registrar rejected it?
And now her advisor is not supporting her?
How many weeks into this is she?

8

Ouch, @Publisher, you’re missing the entire point. I’m seeking to alleviate my daughter’s stress, not add to it. Trying to help my DD get to a solution that is tolerable to her, not trying to impose my own views.

9

Sorry, but my point is that the way she is handling this matter is creating a much more stressful situation than called for under the circumstances.

Life has disappointments. Sometimes we just need to learn to accept them & move on. This course is not important with respect to her degree & with respect to remaining in good standing at her current school.

10

Something is missing here. Who does the registrar approve for this “preprofessional” course, if not your daughter? Did she need a prereq, or instructor permission, or to have a different major? She is behind in picking up any other class now, so I guess getting permission for a lighter course load is the way to go. And she can continue to audit the great course if she really wants to.

11

And of course, it would be good for her to double check her courses for the spring semester

12

To answer some questions:

DD got official documentation of her disability (depression/anxiety) last year.

It’s hard for me to think of the consortium class as the problem class, because it is a “dream” class for her (which she had been hoping for since senior year of high school) and she has already built a rapport with the professor. If she drops it she would still have to find a replacement class which would not be easy at this point (small LAC with limited offerings and it’s already the end of add/drop period), so the problem would not be immediately solved.

I am disinclined to name the course for DD’s privacy, but I have to admit I’ve seen the syllabus and agree that it is fascinating and right up her alley. It might be structured in a fairly “pre-professional” way, but it’s under a major that is often offered in liberal arts schools. It’s not part of DD’s major.

Dropping it might be what she has to do in the end, but it feels like a shame and a “problem” that could / should be resolved in any number of other ways.

Yes, I’m concerned that dropping this class that she is passionate about and adding a totally new alternative that is not exciting but is merely “available”(and where she would be a couple weeks behind) would add to her stress and depression.

I am coaching her to press her case to the extent she can and, at the same time, think about her second best alternative (dropping consortium class versus adding a 5th class).

Yes, her experience with her advisor is frustrating. The advisor is not terribly helpful and not willing to go to bat for her. Don’t know for sure, but suspect the advisor might be very new. DD doesn’t want to make waves with the advisor (sees no upside there).

Since DD is considering her alternatives as “lose / lose” I’m inclined to try contacting the Dean with the thought that if DD can’t get a solution that is satisfactory to her, and it sends her into depression, I may not forgive myself for not giving it a try. I’m thinking that the downside of getting involved is not that horrible.

13

Call the school yourself with her consent of course. Your amazing daughter in the midst of her on struggles has done all she can. If she loves the course, why drop it?
I like the idea of the music class that way she is still getting all the credits she needs but ask for clarification why they can’t approve the class. Alternatively, could she add an independent study course, use most of the material from the pre-professional class and write a final paper that is more liberal arts

14

If she has a rapport with the professor, he can call the registrar and likely get it waived. I have to agree with publisher-life is full of broken relationships, dying pets, difficult roommates, etc. One of the best gifts to our children is empowering them to handle it themselves, particularly the ordinary ups and downs of life. If this starts a spiral-well, frankly, then she would likely have spiralled anyway. You won’t always be around to smooth every bump, and it is easier on her to learn that earlier rather than later. For a major crisis, of course you will be there. This is the first of likely many heart breaks

15

Make certain she goes to the registrar’s office or enrollment center first and waives her FERPA rights so you can talk with them.

16

@Publisher, I hear you, and perhaps you didn’t mean your initial post as harsh as I read it. As a parent, I might agree with you and say that in the end it really won’t matter what course she takes this semester, it will all work out in the end. Easier said than implemented by a DD who is battling anxiety and depression and took consolation in finding a dream class that she was extremely excited about.

@Roycroftmom, as far as I understand it, this class would not be approved by DD’s school for anyone under any circumstances. I have to ask myself why they even call it a consortium class and why it’s listed in the course offerings. The answer, I guess, is that it’s easier to evaluate the classes after a student requests a class than to pre-evaluate all of the many, many “consortium” classes that are advertised. Grrrr. And I see no excuse for the advisor to not know this. And again, the class is no more “pre-professional” than a good number of acceptable courses at DD’s school.

And yes, in light of how helpful DD’s advisor has NOT been, I’ll be assisting DD well in advance in finding an acceptable course schedule for next semester.

If DD can get permission for a lighter course load this semester, and still audit the consortium class, she will consider that a definite win. That’s her best case scenario.

I myself went to a larger university undergrad. I had thought that one of the benefits of a small LAC would be the ability to have higher quality, more personalized advising and reasonable administrative decision-making. But truth is, my larger university was more flexible and accommodating. (So far.)

17

Many elite schools have little to no advising; they expect the kids to handle It themselves. It doesn’t sound like the Registrar will budge in this case, so it might be best to switch the focus to plan B-if you have documentation, a lighter load might be approved quickly.

18

Can she add something really light as the 5th class?

Love this idea:

Also would see if she can follow up with this one:

quote seek approval from “disability” to take 3 credits instead of 4 in light of her depression/anxiety

[/quote]

  • if she can still graduate with 4 the rest of the semesters. My kid’s LAC (in a consortium) does allow one semester of 3 courses, 4 all the rest.
19

You might want to check the undergraduate catalog for the college to see what affect it will have to carry a light course load- does she need an extra class later, or summer school, or can use AP credit, whatever.

20

Thank you all for the kind, thoughtful and well-intentioned advice. Upon reflection on some of your comments, I see that one of the issues is that I know that my daughter will NOT always have me to assist her, due to my own very serious health issues. I’m left struggling between the thought that she really needs to learn to adjust without my assistance and the thought that I want her to know that while I was around I was willing to do anything I could to help her. The best I can conclude is that there are no fully wrong or right answers. I’ll make sure that whatever I do (or don’t do), she knows that all of it is with her best interests in mind. Despite her struggles with depression and anxiety (which likely have at least something to do with my situation), she is an amazing, brilliant, talented, caring and insightful individual. I believe she will ultimately achieve success in life; I would just like to help her experience in the near term to be as positive as possible, if I can have any influence on it.