<p>Could someone read my college essay and provide some good criticism? This essay is for the UC schools.
Prompt : Describe the world you come from for example, your family, community or school and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>
<p>ESSAY:
I've grown up to watching Disney and Nickelodeon's 'happy endings', which obviously, are quite the opposite from where I come from especially considering the fact that I was born into a Hindu family in a predominantly Muslim society. I am referring to the country, Pakistan. I was born and raised in Karachi, Pakistan. A place of tremendous potential ruined by corruption, sectarianism and extremism. I was born in, what one could call, a well off home, I was provided with all the necessities of life and everything else that I desired. But all of this, did not come easy, my parents had to overcome a lot of hardships and bigotry, since it was tough surviving in such a hostile atmosphere where they were victims of bullying and unfair treatment. And the prejudice did not need to take physical form. It still had its effect, as my parents could feel they were alienated. They could feel that as a minority, they were simply not welcomed. Since they had put up with all of this, they taught me to be a survivor. They taught me that no matter how much the rest of the world puts you down, I should not let their words and actions get to me, that I should stay focused on what I intend to achieve. They also told me that there is light in the darkest of times, that there exist benevolent people even amongst the malicious ones.
I am still haunted by the time when I was bullied in third grade, as, I stood in the corner while four children of my age ridiculed me and made a laughing stock out of me- based on the fact that I was a Hindu. I close my eyes and the blatant words are always thrown in front of me, as an insult, as I recall them say "Look at him, he's a Hindu!" - I did not utter a word, I did what I was told by my parents and I took their insults like a rock. While I was standing there being ridiculed by them, my Muslim friend stepped in, with courage and anger in his heart, he blasted So what if hes Hindu? Hes still better than the rest of you and at that moment, the words of wisdom of my parents clicked in my head. I suddenly realized how wonderful the World and its people can really be, that truly, there is light in the darkest times.
The availability of the technology brought me in touch with the outside world and allowed me to interact with people of various cultures and personalities. I remember laughing at one of the comments of a foreigner who asked me questions such as There is internet in Pakistan? How do you speak such well English? Are your homes really made of mud? . It goes to show how technology can not only make life easier, but overall make a society better by widening the horizons of their minds and opening them up to the wider world. Not only that, but the evergreen wisdom of my parents coupled with the unabated inspiration of my friends, have all contributed their worthy shares and turned me into a person who I could today, gladly label as open minded
The majority of the people of my country lack awareness of the cultures of the outside world. They think that technology will ruin their religious and cultural traditions. I hope to one day broaden their mindsets, I hope to show them that technology not only makes our lives much easier but it can shape us into being better human beings; I hope to prove to them one day that broken countries do not produce broken people, they sustain strength and promote patience.</p>