uva essay..help pleaseee

<p>this is a short 250 word essay but I need to know what I need to add more of. I've already changed it from the feedback I got the first time. It is also about 220 words so I can still add some if I need to.</p>

<p>any comments are great!!</p>

<p>I would really prefer parents / people already in college please!</p>