<p>I slept without wearing contact lenses in classes all the time in college.</p>
<p>"caring adults who frequent message boards? Where does all this fear for our children doing the same come from?"</p>
<p>Speaking only for myself, I lost a sibling in childhood which has made me forever aware that not every child grows up to be an adult who frequents message boards. Which is why I'm so grateful for ZG's compassion, sense and good humor!</p>
<p>
[quote]
We are all adults. Probably most of us went to college, and all of us have lived through our teen years, and twenties. Did you never stray from the garden path in school? Did you never do things you might not want to sit down and discuss with your parents?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I never did anything I wouldn't have told my parents. But they would have found my life so boring that I didn't bother telling them. I was such a nerd. ):</p>
<p>
[quote]
She also has a great sense of humor about it -- she'll call me from the beach and say "Mom, I'm in the sun with no sunblock (not really) and there's nothing you can do about it!"
[/quote]
My son calls me and says, "Hi Mom, I'm alive. Love you, By!" He knows me so well! ;)</p>
<p>"My question is this: did we not all live through our adolescent years and emerge as competent, caring adults who frequent message boards? Where does all this fear for our children doing the same come from?"</p>
<p>It comes from remembering that I and my friends once swam in the
Pacific Ocean, at night, drunk, with a 5 foot waves rolling in. I cannot
believe the stupidity of my youth.</p>
<p>Fortunately, my kids have 100 times the sense that I did. I hardly
worry about them at all.</p>
<p>However, even though I feel that I am on the low-worry end of the
spectrum, it really rubs me the wrong way to be lectured by college
administrators on the nature of my relationship with my children.
Using terms like "helicopter parent" and "tank" come off as making
fun of the customer - generally not considered a good business practice.</p>
<p>geomom,
We used to do the same thing, except in the Atlantic. Some times in the year there would be phosphorescence (anyone know how that phenomena comes about?) and we'd all go down to the beach at midnight and frolic in the surf to see ourselves "glow". (Theme from "Jaws" running through my head...)</p>
<p>Maybe as educators they are trying to teach you a lesson--like let the F go. If my parents tried to call me every day I would have cut my phone service off. They came to my campus twice--the first day to drop me off and on graduation. That was perfect. No wonder today's kids are so messed up.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Maybe as educators they are trying to teach you a lesson
[/quote]
</p>
<p>barrons, I suspect you're right -- as "educators," they've come to think of themselves as smarter than their audience. Perhaps that works some of the time. It does not work so well when they're lecturing the customers. We've raised those kids and know them far better than, for example, a dean of student affairs barely out of her teens who has never been responsible 24/7 for another human being.</p>
<p>You are not customers, you are potential members of a special club who may go elsewhere if you don't like the methods used to determine full eventual membership. There are ten to take your place.</p>
<p>Judging from the amount of glossy college marketing dross stuffing
my mailbox (and all the other parents' mailboxes here), I would say
it's pretty clear that we are the customers and the colleges are sniffing
for dollars.</p>
<p>Not really at the better schools. You apply and are selected after a difficult process. Now maybe at 3rd Tier Private you can act like a customer. At any good school you can be replaced. You think Eton worries about what parents think??</p>
<p>Kids today are raised differently.</p>
<p>I totally respected my parents, but they did not have the personal insight into my every waking hour's activities. They set parameters- be home by such and such time (if you miss cutoff by even 10 min, you're toast), make such and such GPA, behave like this around the house and at dinner table, etc- and the rest was up to us.</p>
<p>My social life (like swimming in the ocean at night)...they had no idea, and I'm not sure it would have bothered them as long as we weren't having sex or doing drugs/alcohol. As long as I wasn't in trouble, they were more or less respectful of my privacy. Which gave me a HUGE incentive to NOT get into trouble. You get into trouble...WATCH OUT. So you don't, right? Very understandable strategy.</p>
<p>Fast forward...parents now are involved in more personal matters. So the division between "take care of yourself and keep out of trouble" and "I don't know my a$$ from a hole in the ground so I'll do something stupid and ruin my whole freakin life" gets murky.</p>
<p>Except for the most ridiculous stuff...like my mom can get her nose in a snuff because I don't like the same "Yankee Candle" flavor as she does! :)</p>
<p>barrons - Well, yes, it's clear that there are plenty of applicants,
but also the colleges work pretty hard to get them to apply. I'm
not sure why they would then want to alienate the parents by
chastizing them at orientation. </p>
<p>Maybe they should just put another essay on the application:
Please describe the nature of your relationship with your parents?
They they could screen out those annoying helicopters right
from the git-go.</p>
<p>geomom,
Great idea!! But...who's going to proof the essay? :eek:</p>
<p>You call it alienate I call educate. The good news is the pendulum always swings back.</p>
<p>We aren't part of the orientation sessions, so I didn't hear the full talk given by the Dean of Students, but I thought I'd share my take on the "tank parent" term. </p>
<p>Having been in student affairs earlier in my career, I know that part of the job is to make sure students get the benefit of overcoming the hurdles that come with collegiate life (part of “student development”). Sometimes, students are unsure of themselves and resist those challenges. They need their parents and advisors to support them and push them in those cases. Perhaps the worry is that the "tank parent" won't just offer words of encouragement, but will swoop down and take care of problems, great and small, thinking they are helping.</p>
<p>By the way, no one in my office uses that term (or "helicopter" for that matter). I think other parents and students might witness more of this behavior than we do. Most of the parents I encounter demonstrate a healthy interest in the college search and application process. Only a few stick out in my memory as being overbearing.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
a dean of student affairs barely out of her teens who has never been responsible 24/7 for another human being.
[/QUOTE]
Pat's</a> not in her 20s. She had two teenagers.</p>
<p>DeanJ. -- We are on the same team (well not yet, but if DS goes to UVa we will be.)</p>
<p>"By the way, no one in my office uses that term (or "helicopter" for that matter)."</p>
<p>Thank you, but somebody does: "The UVa officials call them “tank parents.”</p>
<p>Maybe you can influence the unnamed "officials" in the article a bit, you
seem like a classy guy.</p>
<p>I think the reporter was talking about student life officials, who might witness more acts of this style (for lack of a better word) of parenting than we do in the Office of Admission. Maybe in a few years, you'll see more administrators using it, but I don't hear it very often.
[QUOTE]
She had two teenagers.
[/QUOTE]
Pardon the typo. Pat has two teenagers. It's late.</p>