<p>"prospective student likes spectator sports, you have ample opportunities at UPenn. " </p>
<p>Top spectator sports at Penn:</p>
<p>1.Basketball.
2. Running away from muggers.
3. Football.
4. Bowing to political correctness.
5. Laughing at the Haverford guy who somehow got into the party.
6. Trying to corral Wharton students’ smugness.
7. Lacrosse.
8. Counting how many times one can say “No, not Penn STATE” the most times in 60 seconds.
9. Counting how many times one can say “Ivy is Ivy, there are no tiers of Ivy” the most times in an hour.
10. Trying to convince Princeton people that Penn is their true rival.
11. Doodling “HYPPSM” in their notebooks.</p>