Uw Seattle Essay Feedback?

I need some help with the personal statement. I am applying for the fall 2016 quarter as an in-state freshman. Can someone review my rough draft and provide some general feedback? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

Of course! I’d like to help.

I’ll message you

also as an FYI, advisers, transfer coordinators or anybody really working for UW (and who is qualified) can help you with your essay. They are public servants and it is their job to help you out. My essay was reviewed twice by a main transfer coordinator guy, he was super helpful and full of tips. Don’t be shy, ask them and good luck