Very Rough Draft BU Admin. Essay

Colleges & Universities A-Z Boston University
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<p>Hey guys if you could be so kind to please read through my essay and critique. Remember it is a very rough draft but don’t be afraid to be brutally honest. Is it good enough to get into BU? I know I have some grammatical errors but how is the subject matter? Interesting, boring, etc. Please let me know! I know it’s long just skim through it if need be.</p>

<p>It is not a single moment that defines a person or even a single trait that makes them unique, but rather, a series of events and moments that mold and shape the ideas on which character and “uniqueness” are built upon. I sat thinking for hours what it was that set me apart from the rest and quickly came to the conclusion that there was no one particular thing. In my everyday life I am very much like everyone else, it’s what I do outside the realm of day-to-day 9:00-5:00 work that I shine.<br>
You see, describing what makes me “special” is no easy feat, primarily because what I do and who I am are so deeply ingrained within that generally I do not take notice, it’s simply what I do. I’ve come to learn to separate the two and look at myself through the eyes of another and now I see. I am a young woman who has certainly been put through the grinder and has prevailed. You will read only a snapshot of my life and may come to know me quite well, however, the only way to really know whether or not I will be an asset to your school would be to take a chance on me and see what I can and will accomplish. I hope this essay encourages you to put your faith behind me and let me prove what I am capable of.
I am a martial artist and have been for 10 years, it is my strength and my haven. I don’t do martial arts-I live it- the arts have given me the means to do what I love, to help others. I bleed for humanity and only wish to aid those in need. I have helped hundreds of women abused by husbands, assaulted by thieves, and taken by rapists overcome their fears and take control of their lives giving them strength simply by teaching the arts, arming them with the will, mindset, and physical capability to defend. Up until now this was my only way of helping society, yet I yearned to do more.
In June of 2012 my father was diagnosed with stage 3 large cell lymphoma, he is a survivor and has since been well. I was with him each step of the way, the hardest part was not being able to do anything; I couldn’t help him and had no knowledge of what to do, and there he was on deaths door and I, his only daughter, couldn’t do a damn thing. That moment standing next to him while he lay in the hospital bed I knew- I would never just watch someone so sick without being able to do something. I knew I would be a doctor.
Martial arts was but a window offering me a glimpse of what my heart so desired to do, it was my stepping stone and as awful as it was my father’s illness was what propelled me into action. I have researched many schools but BU is where I belong, where I fit. It is time to move to a new city and offer my services, to expand my horizons, and to be given the opportunity of a lifetime and attend this school. I assure you, you will not be disappointed by my academic performance and will see my aspirations take life. I am meant for this school and I will do great things.</p>

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<p>It is neither a single moment, nor a single trait that defines a person and makes them unique; rather, it is a series of events and moments that mold and shape the ideas upon which character and “uniqueness” are built. I sat for hours, trying to come up with what it is that sets me apart from everyone else, and quickly came to the conclusion that there is no one specific thing. In my everyday life, I am very much like everyone else. It’s what I do outside the realm of day-to-day 9:00-5:00 work, that makes me shine.
You see, describing what makes me “special” is no easy feat, primarily because the combination of what I do and who I am, is so deeply ingrained within me, that I generally do not notice, as it’s simply what I do. I’ve come to learn to separate the two, and look at myself through the eyes of another. I am a young woman who has certainly been put through the grinder, yet I have prevailed. You will read only a snapshot of my life and may come to know me quite well, however, the only way to really know whether or not I will be an asset to your school would be to see what I can, and will, accomplish.
I am a martial artist and have been for 10 years; it is my strength, and my safehaven. I don’t do martial arts - I live it. Martial arts have given me the means to do what I love - helping others. I bleed for humanity and only wish to aid those in need. I have helped hundreds of abuse, assault, and rape victims overcome their fears and take control of their lives. I have given them strength through the arts, I have armed them with willpower, given them a strong mindset, and prepared them with physical capability to defend themselves. Up until recently, this was my only way of helping society, but I yearned to do more.
In June of 2012, my father was diagnosed with stage 3 large cell lymphoma. He has since gone through many treatments, and is now a survivor. I was with him each step of the way; the hardest part was not being able to do anything. I couldn’t help him, and had no knowledge of what to do. There he was on deaths door, and I, his only daughter, couldn’t do a damn thing. That moment standing next to him while he lay in the hospital bed, I knew - I could never just watch someone become so weak, without being able to do something. At that moment, I knew I wanted to be a doctor.
Martial arts was a window, which offered me a glimpse of what my heart desired. It was my stepping stone, and as awful as it was, my father’s illness was what propelled me to action. I have researched many schools, but BU is where I belong. It is time to move to a new city and offer my services, to expand my horizons, and to be given the opportunity of a lifetime - attending Boston University.</p>

<p>^ just my version of an edit!
overall, i think it’s great!
& good luck - i’m going to BU this fall as well - accepted early decision!!</p>

<p>if you need anything else, or any other advice, feel free to ask.(:</p>

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<p>How can you still apply to BU? Isn’t it waaay past the deadline?</p>

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<p>Thank you so much for the revision! It was wonderful!! I’m so nervous about not getting in! How did you do it?!! Do you have outstanding test scores? And do you think their decision weighs heavily on the essay? I didn’t take an SAT or ACT my university didn’t require it but I have a 3.5 gpa and my high school transcript is excellent, also I did and do a lot of extracurricular activities.</p>

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<p>Ram0276 I’m applying for fall admissions deadline isn’t until April.</p>

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<p>@anboyer
i was so nervous! it was my top choice, hence my early decision application.
my GPA is around a 3.7(?) maybe… my school doesn’t do GPA though, so it’s hard to estimate. out of 100, my HS average so far is a 93.
my SAT was low for BU’s average (i got a 1930), but surprisingly, i got a very high ACT score compared to their average (i got a 32). i do have a lot of ECs, though.</p>

<p>i think the essays weigh pretty heavily, because i don’t think i would have gotten in with just my test scores & GPA alone; the essays are super important, and i made sure mine were perfect. i have never stressed so much over essays, haha.</p>

<p>& just a side note… do you mean you’re applying for fall of 2013? because the deadline for that was january 1st, i believe…</p>

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<p>The transfer deadline is 4/1.</p>

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<p>Maskingtaped, how soon after applying did you find out whether or not you were accepted? I am applying for Fall 2013 but as a transfer so yeah deadline is 4/1, sorry didn’t clarify. </p>

<p>Ugh I’ve never been so stressed about a damn essay I’ve written 3 all with different subjects this one was my favorite. Is it good enough? Granted, it needs tweaking of course but does it seem to sort of stand out? Do you recommend anything else I should maybe add on my application? I’m getting several recommendation letter from my professors at my current university and one from the director of my high school, I was also top 10% and valedictorian should I even add that in my application and where would I put it? Lol sorry for all the questions I’m really anxious. I go to University of Texas at El Paso and they accept literally everyone so it was breeze getting in and this is the first time I actually have to try lol.</p>

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<p>@anboyer;
i applied ED, and all of us applicants got our decisions on december 14 (they said BY the 15th… we’d been waiting for weeks! haha).
& i’m not sure about anything transfer-related (so i have no idea whether or not you should write about your high school record or not).
as for the essay, i think it’s pretty good. not extremely unique, but it’s different enough, because you essentially cover multiple topics (martial arts → your father → your dreams).
what was the topic you were supposed to write about?</p>

<p>i remember for one essay, in which i had to describe something that has impacted me, i wrote about how (after my little brother passed away a year ago) my town and community helped enormously, and how supportive and important a close-knit community is… i must have done something right! haha.</p>