Hey guys,
I am finishing sophomore year. I go to a really small school (~1700) and have recently become very very fed up with how tiny it is. I see the same few people all the time and I really just don’t like that. I hate the campus atmosphere and just can’t see myself doing another 1.5 years there (I am graduating early). However, I have very severe depression so i am not sure how much of my hatred of the college is because of me or just because of my depression. I have applied to transfer to a larger school (same price etc.) and have until the 7th to decide. However I have really great grades and a small but close group of friends up here who I’d hate to lose. Plus I don’t know if I’d be any happier at the new school given my depression and the extra anxiety associated with transferring.
Any advice?
It’s hard to say without more details, so I looked at some of your older posts and it looks like you’ve been unhappy there since day one.
Whether this is your depression or not and you’d have been unhappy anywhere, I don’t know, but I’ll tell you I’d have been miserable at a college that small for the reasons you’ve described. In fact, I went on to grad school with a much smaller class and was fairly miserable after loving undergrad.
If you’re that unhappy, maybe it’s time to give something new a try as long as the cost is the same and it’s affordable. What have you got to lose? If you have a solid group of true friends at your current college, you won’t lose them. Consider transferring an opportunity to meet more friends in an environment you may be happier in. You know you’re not going to meet anyone new where you are, and you’ve got 1.5 to 2 years to go. Are you OK with that?
Some students get a boost by taking a semester off campus. Is it too late to go abroad for the second semester next year? Or on an exchange ssmester with another US college, or a DC semester? Not all colleges allow it, and you have to stay on track to graduate, but one of my kids did 2 different semester off campus programs.
Honestly if you only have three semesters to go, I would suggest just finishing and making the best of it. If you struggle with depression this probably won’t help but attitude really is everything. Maybe you can work with a counselor on some strategies to help you approach each day, month, semester in a positive way?
If you have a small group of friends cherish and enjoy them. The day will come when you won’t be able to see them everyday and you’ll wish you could.
My other advice is to start each day with gratitude. Be mindful of all in your life to be grateful for (friends, safety, education, family, etc.) and truly be thankful. My father always said, “If you start feeling sorry for yourself just look around at others. You won’t have to look very far to realize you have nothing to complain about.”
Good luck.
Lots of ways to be successful in life but among them I’ve found four habits that are quite important. I think these apply:
- Say Please and Thank You
- Be on time (early)
- Do what you say you are going to do
- Finish what you start
The last one particularly applies to your situation. Unless you are in serious harms way, I would finish what you started two years ago. Could you transfer? Could you still get that degree? Sure. But many who go down that path get side tracked. How do you know it would be better somewhere else anyway? Try to make the most out of your remaining time at school. If the kids aren’t your thing, connect with professors. Do research and get great recommendations. You can make this work.
No other magical school will make things better. You won’t magically get better grades there or make friends.
My advice:
- Today, go to the Counseling Center and talk to them.
- Finish the semester strong…get a tutor or go to professors office hours but finish up.
- Talk to a Psychiatrist over the summer. If you need to take a semester off to get your mental health in order, think about that. But talk to the Dean of Students about how to do that properly.
- Once you have that in order, then think about transferring or not.
- THink about what the actual issues are…what is it you want more of at a bigger college? DO you take advantage of anything now? So if you say you want more clubs or more professors to work with…do you do that now?
@bm1999 I agree that it’s important to finish what you start but I’m not sure that staying where you’re miserable is productive. When I first started college, I went to a school that was popular with my high school friends. The students there were not interested in the same things that I was and I felt like I never fit in. If I left on the weekends to go home or to visit friends at other schools, I cried the whole way back to my campus. After 3 years, I transferred. It was like a switch had flipped and my life was changed! I loved school! I never wanted to come home for the summers. I graduated with honors. (although grades were never the problem). It did take me longer to graduate but I was finally happy. It was the best decision that I ever made. Life is too short to be miserable and sometimes it’s worth it to try a new location. You are the only one who knows what’s best in your situation.
It doesn’t sound like the problem is the school. It sounds more like depression. School is very challenging and stressful, and it can create and/or flare-up existing depression regardless of which school you go to. Transferring schools is rarely a solution, unless there’s something more severe affecting your grades or ability to cope with day-to-day things. In that case, you would probably need some support from parents and family.
If it’s about school atmosphere, then transferring would probably just compound the problem. Depression always follows you around. You would not only STILL have depression, you would have the stress of moving, retaking classes, and financial aid limits to deal with.
I recommend going to the health center to get the depression treated, if it’s not already being treated. Depression is tricky, because you have to constantly find the courage to BE happy. Otherwise the illness will try to do it for you. That’s when bad things happen.
I think you’re in a good place right now and you don’t have much time left in school. You’ve got a bright career ahead of you. Keep it up. You’re doing great!
Would you be able to finish in the same amount of time if you transfer? I was just thinking that some schools require you to take a certain amount of credits there, to get a diploma from them. You wouldn’t want to lose progress.