<p>I’ve been a lurker for awhile, but I could use some advice from parents, so I decided to join up and post.</p>
<p>Some background: I’m a newly graduated high school student (female), will be attending college in the fall. My school has a long winter vacation between semesters, and I’ve been invited to visit friends at several schools in the time period during which they have returned to school and I’m still on vacation. Although my friends and I have discussed the visits fairly frequently, I’m not sure how to broach the issue with my parents. In the past they’ve more than willingly let me travel alone, but that travel has usually resulted in me visiting family or family friends.</p>
<p>There are just a few issues that I can see arising with my parents, and I was wondering if any of the parents on this forum would be willing to give me some advice.</p>
<li><p>My parents have met all but one of the friends I would be visiting. I met the other friend though a summer program a few summers ago, and we’ve been in contact since. However, my parents have allowed me to visit him in a city near us, and we’ve spent several days doing so. (I have not met his parents, nor been to his house. Our parents have, however, spoken on the phone and each family has invited the other child to come stay with them, although logistical issues have impeded.) To me, that seems to demonstrate that they are comfortable with our friendship, even without ever having met him.</p></li>
<li><p>Several of the friends (including the one above), are guys. This raises the fairly obvious issue of where I stay. My friends and I have discussed it, and it seems like the most prudent decision would be, if their roommates are willing, for me to stay in their room. That removes the neccessity of having to find someone else to room with, which could be a bit awkward. None of us smoke, drink, are sexually active, etc, so personally I don’t really see it being an issue… but I know parents might raise some objections.</p></li>
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<p>So, I guess I’m looking for other points that you might raise if your college freshman were to suggest such a trip, and possible ideas/compromises that could assuage those fears. Thanks!</p>
<p>having once been an 18-year-old college guy, let me assure you that regardless of how platonic your friendship with these guys has been in the past at least of few of them are going to be thinking "girl coming to visit me at college" equals "we'll have sex if things work out right". If that isn't your point of view, its worth making it clear BEFORE you visit so there's no mixed signals.</p>
<p>Agreed with above- ask where you can sleep and see what the guys say. If he says you can have my bed, ask where he's going to sleep. If he says in my bed, that's a red flag. If he says on the floor, then things are good- more power to him for being a very gracious host!</p>
<p>I was supposed to spend a night with a guyfriend at Princeton last spring but plans fell through. I remember asking about his roommates (he's in a triple)- he said that he'd make sure that they'd be out of the room, offered to sleep on the floor while I sleep on the bed (as my questions were hinting that I didn't want sex!)... I know his personality and how he treats his girls- like a gentleman. When my mother said to me, "He knows that you're there just to VISIT, right....?" I told her exactly what the arrangements were going to be. She was a little nervous but she had met him and trusted him.</p>
<p>Definitely make it clear. Especially with the roommate.</p>
<p>my daughter has had friends stay with her since she was a freshman- they don't sleep in her bed- she had a pad they sleep on and she has extra pillows and blankets.</p>
<p>My 15 yr old daughter and her friends also visit- and while it might be a little more work scrounging up bedding for more than one extra it hasn't been a problem.</p>
<p>D is actually rooming with a young man on campus this fall- she will be a senior- so sister and friends visiting may be a little more crowded.
The common room of the dorm was fairly spacious- but the living room of the apartment is fairly teeny.</p>
<p>I obviously don't have a problem with college friends visiting each other- but it is good to get the details out of the way beforehand, particulary when roommates are involved</p>
<p>I would recommend tabling the whole issue until you've been away at college. It is difficult to look at a "college" issue through "high school" eyes, both for parents and offspring.</p>
<p>When my daughter made plans to fly to another college to visit friends during a break last year, I was just so happy that she wasn't going to Daytona Beach for "Spring Break" and filming an episode of "Girls Gone Wild" that I really didn't care where she slept.</p>
<p>I've offered to sleep on the floor, but he's pretty consistently insisted that I sleep in his bed and that he'll sleep on the floor. Somehow I don't really see that being much of an issue with my parents or any other involved parties (perhaps I'm being shortsighted, though). I would have thought the more pressing issue is that they've never met him.</p>
<p>I spend nights at guys houses all the time and my parent's don't have a problem with it. I probably slept at my best friends house (whom is a guy) more times during the last two weeks of school than i did at my own apartment. Sometimes i'd take the bed and he'd take the couch, or he'd take the bed and i'd take the couch.. or i'd just pass out on the floor. other years and other friends same thing.. i slept at my boyfriends house too with no problem. just talk to your parents about it.</p>