<p>Just wondering for all your parents with kids going to schools not right by home. Do your kids visit a lot or just on major holidays?</p>
<p>Obviously I'm gonna be making him come home for Christmas Break and Thanksgiving and I'm sure I'm gonna want him here a lot more than he's going to want to come back. Just wondering what I should be expecting for [S*] when he starts up college next year. I know it's gonna vary between kids but just kinda curious if anything.</p>
<p>Thanks</p>
<p>How far is his college from home? Will he fly or drive?</p>
<p>My son goes to college 3000 miles away. His freshman year, he came home for Thanksgiving, winter break, spring break, and summer. Sophomore year he came home for Thanksgiving, winter break, and once in the spring for my father’s funeral. This year, Junior year, he came home for winter break, and is currently studying abroad but will be home this summer. Next year is senior year - who knows?</p>
<p>DD generally came home on the breaks in the beginning. Since there are enough of them it was fine. But starting her sophomore year she stopped coming home for all of them. Some were just too close, particularly in the fall with fall break, Thanksgiving and Christmas sometimes only a couple of weeks apart. Some she just had other plans for, like spring break 
We also went to visit her, but that was around the parent’s weekend and performances. BTW -Thanksgiving is not necessarily obvious. It was only 2 weeks before finals with papers and projects due and travel then is horrendous. She only came home 2x’s for that one. </p>
<p>So a lot depends on how far, how expensive, and what else is needs to be done. Having had 4 in college, I believe coming home too often interferes with the college experience and separation. They need to develop their own life now. Holidays and breaks are fine.</p>
<p>He would be flying since it’s about a 12 hour drive, except for in summers when he takes his car back. But thank you for both of the posts. Definitely helpful. I definitely don’t want to interfere with his college experience but it’s gonna be hard my first leaves the nest.</p>
<p>OK, so just to be devil’s advocate, why would you want to “make him come home?” I think this is a troublesome attitude, and might be worth examining. Are you making him come home for you, or because he is needed at home, or ???</p>
<p>Our DD is planning to go to school a minimum of 4 hours by plane. I want her to come home when she can, but I would never “make” her or even strongly encourage her. If you miss her or are worried about her, do what my folks did when I was going through the end of a relationship (they thought I was sad, when actually I was elated but didn’t think it would be too kind to say that directly). They flew up to the college with my approval, invited me and whomever I wanted to invite out for dinner (no shortage of volunteers, and you get to see who your kids are hanging out with) and then took me on a short cruise to Alaska to clear my head. I still talk about the “consolation cruise” and how much fun I had NOT being sad. College is a time that we need to let go at the exact speed that our kids will allow, not to hold them back. Enough soapbox now!</p>
<p>DD is only five hours away but came home twice fall freshman year, winter and spring breaks–and stayed for the summer. This year, Thanksgiving, Christmas and spring break. She will be home in a few weeks for summer.</p>
<p>First year, my daughter (2000 miles away) came home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break (in February), and pre-May Term break. She also spent the summer at home. This year, she has been home for Christmas. We’ll see her again in early June for the summer, then she’ll be overseas for 15 weeks.</p>
<p>D is 1300 miles away. Freshman year she came home Winter Break, Spring Break, End of Year. She’s now a sophomore. She came home Winter Break. For Spring Break her younger brother visited her and looked at area colleges. She’ll be home at End of Year for 2 weeks then leave for an internship in another city for about 9 weeks.</p>
<p>Thanksgiving is too expensive to fly, plus they have class on that Wednesday, plus she’s usually swamped with work. </p>
<p>Hardest stretch was her first year, first semester. We knew going in that it was a sacrifice we had to make (both for her and for us) for her to take advantage of the wonderful opportunities offered by a great school that met full need.</p>
<p>Shoot4moon,</p>
<p>I don’t mean make as in “forcing him to come home, or else.” I do however to expect to see him occasionally and those seem like the most logical times to do so. If it is rather inconvenient for him I believe I’d understand. I’m not an overprotective mother or anything, but I would like to see him a couple times a year at least while he’s away.</p>
<p>Our son is a 4.5 hour drive from home. With a heavy heavy workload, it’s not worth the drive to come home for a weekend, so he stays on campus until school breaks. One thing to consider is if you could visit your son? We often take a long weekend to drive up to the area to visit and frankly, we’d be very sad if we could not do that. We miss our son and a weekend together is rather nice. We enjoy the area, take a few kids out for meals, catch a play or concert, and visit our son. He can’t spend all his time with us as he has his own campus activities and homework, but we usually plan a visit between school breaks, to take up some items he needs, go shopping, visit, etc. And sometimes he needs the touchpoint with home…to talk things over in person, express concerns, just relax with his family and catch up on the news from home. We enjoy the weekend jaunts to the mountains and have had fun exploring the area. He shows us his favorite places, talks about what he’s been doing and we have a nice weekend together.</p>
<p>The period from the beginning of school until Thanksgiving seems very, very long their first year.</p>
<p>Many colleges have a parents’ day in October. I would recommend making plans to attend that and see your son then. I didn’t (we are 7 hours away by car), and wished I had.</p>
<p>D left continent in August, will not be home til end of May. It has been hard, but you can survive it if you have no other choice. The fact that you do have a choice makes it a little harder not to push for what you want. Try not to push too hard. </p>
<p>shoot4moon: awesome parents!</p>
<p>Some schools close the dorms during breaks while others stay open. You should check the particulars of your S’s school.</p>
<p>Our kids generally came home Thanksgiving, Winter break and Spring break. We also visit them at least once every year, sometimes once each semester. We love to see them and their friends in their own environment. One year we all met for Thanksgiving at S#2’s school and attended the football game. I think the key to a successful transition is for everyone to be flexible.</p>
<p>Our S was pretty far away and came only for major breaks (T’giving/Xmas/spring). But his first term he was 45 minutes away because of Katrina. He took his “Katrina term” at a nearby top LAC. We still followed that plan - not wanting to make it any different for him.</p>
<p>We talked about going there for Parents Day. He wasn’t interested and after reading some other parents’ thoughts, finding out that the few good restaurants in the area were booked up… we instead visited on a different weekend and took him out to dinner.</p>
<p>We loved being able to go up to our son’s school – 4 hours away – and take him and his friends out to dinner. Sometimes we would stay over and do dinner Saturday, and brunch Sunday. We enjoyed meeting his friends and spending time with them.</p>
<p>His senior year, we took all twelve lacrosse senior varsity players out for our son’s birthday. I have to say that’s one of my favorite experiences – my husband and I got all twelve of the boys to ourselves and they got an amazing dinner. Memories!</p>
<p>cnp55, I was taken out for such a senior dinner by the parents of a classmate in my singing group – and they’d flown in from Hong Kong! You don’t necessarily have to live close by to make that happen.</p>
<p>West Coast - East Coast: 2 weeks for Christmas and 10 days for summer.</p>
<p>My son is on the opposite coast and is a freshman. He came back for Winter Break (5 weeks) and will be back for the summer (a little over 3 months). He stayed on campus for Thanksgiving which was a little hard for him and went away with friends for Spring Break.</p>
<p>When son went to college, I was looking forward to seeing him over Thanksgiving break. His college is 1 hour away by plane. He did not come home then or during any other breaks unless they closed the campus for holidays. It was hard for us parents, but he enjoyed the down time with his friends, sleeping and catching up with studies.
Sophomore year we went to see him for Thanksgiving Day and had a mini vacation exploring the area where his school is. This became our new Thanksgiving tradition and we probably will continue seeing him on his turf as he is staying down in LA for summer work and grad school in the fall.</p>
<p>DD2 goes to school 2000 miles away. Freshman year she came home winter, spring and summer (T’Giving she only gets the four days and she’d end up flying on the actual day). For Turkey day DW sent a care package with some turkey soup, boxed stuffing mix, and a frozen home made pie. This year she stayed at school spring break so only winter and summer. She enjoyed her time touring the area during spring break.</p>