<p>As we reach the end of March, I thought I might do an unofficial poll of the parents here. How many of you have a child with a definite first choice college? How many of you have a child like my D who has not made a first choice? She is waiting until acceptances arrive before she commits. (Hopefully, this selectivity and delay in commitment will carry over to when she is looking for a husband but not too much. We do want to have grandchildren eventually.) I find myself picturing her in a different college with each day. Actually I haven't settled on a favorite myself, so she comes by it naturally.</p>
<p>" How many of you have a child like my D who has not made a first choice? She is waiting until acceptances arrive before she commits. "</p>
<p>Your D is really wise to do this. This keeps her options open in case of rejections or merit aid.</p>
<p>My son is like that, too. He has about four top choices, but is trying not to get too excited about any particular school until letters and financial aid offers come out. The good thing for him is that he has already been accepted at one good music school (although he has not received a scholarship offer yet), so he at least knows he has somewhere to go.</p>
<p>My son also is not too emotionally invested in a single college (I think). He has three or four that he thinks would suit him. ALthough this is a really reasonable attitude, I sometimes kind of with he was one of those kids who KNEW exactly what he wanted. It has been a strain to keep up everything at all schools, not to mention not knowing where to put the deposit money!</p>
<p>S is very, very excited about his choice #2, which has provided big merit $(but not full). He is waiting to hear from HYPS, but SAYs he probably won't go there even if... (see "very excited" and big$$, above). We'll see, but we feel fortunate to be in this position.</p>
<p>I have one of each. One who did not make up his mind until April 30; and one who made up his mind on Dec. 15.</p>
<p>I agree with Northstarmom. The parents who are hurting the most right now are the ones whose child had his heart set on a particular school to the point that he cannot see himself anywhere else. And now he is deferred or rejected. Those folks would move heaven and earth if they could to give their children what they so want, especially since these are truly such worth kids. It really hurts to see ones child hurting and wanting so. The waffling can be frustrating but I feel those kids generally end up finding the best in everything and do just fine where ever they may choose.</p>
<p>I definitely have the child who has her heart set on a first choice school even after an ED deferral. I have tried everything all of you great parents on CC have suggested to turn her interest to the other schools but to no avail . I have scheduled an early April visit to the Honors Weekend at a school that offered many $$$ with their acceptance in hopes to warm her up to the idea. I don't look forward to another day like we had back in December when the ED decision was posted on line. :( I am thrilled for all of you that have children who feel they would be happy at any one of their schools. You have done a great job in this process!</p>
<p>My son liked all 12, has now heard from 7 (admitted), waiting on 5. He is just not a hard charger on this subject (the "C Word" - College).</p>
<p>I have identified a first choice from the parental seat, based on all-around fit and $$$$, but I'm not pitching it to him (at least not yet). His decision process will take place after April 1 when all results are in. </p>
<p>lkf725, you are right - it is more of a stress for the parents when the student is not yet focused on the choice. This is probably a semi-conscious decision on their part, to control the process by refusing to engage, at least verbally, in discussions about criteria or choosing. The little rascals!</p>
<p>"The waffling can be frustrating but I feel those kids generally end up finding the best in everything and do just fine where ever they may choose."</p>
<p>God, I sure hope so!</p>
<p>My D is definitely not decided. She is taking the same position as Mardad's daughter, waiting until all the acceptances and financial aid come in and making a decision at that point. I am not convinced that this is a strategy, but perhaps more a way of putting off thinking about it.</p>
<p>For the record, she has been accepted to two schools each of which at one time was her "first" choice--no information on the financial aid situation there yet, however. She also has been accepted to others with significant merit awards to consider.</p>
<p>All along she had secretly been thinking that the schools would make her decision easier by sending rejection letters. While I am sure there still may be some to come, so far that hasn't happened.</p>
<p>"I am thrilled for all of you that have children who feel they would be happy at any one of their schools. You have done a great job in this process!"</p>
<p>Marylandmom, You also are doing a great job! There are so many variables in this process that we can't assume that it is only the parenting skills that are to "blame" when a kid will be happy with a few of their schools. I'll keep my fingers crossed for your D!</p>
<p>Mardad, can we join your Wafflers Club? My daughter too is sitting on the fence on several acceptances, and waiting until April 1 to really put serious thought into it. But it looks like she will be happy no matter what, and it looks like your D has the same happy attitude.</p>
<p>I have rephrased this as the "Resilient Club". Being in marketing I can't help but try to spin it. D was deferred from Harvard. Huge tailspin for 2 days, on both our parts. She got over it. Got accepted into UCs - and invited for merit scholarships. Loved Cal campus. Hadn't even thought about it before. I am finding this process of not getting the first choice up front is actually leading to a more aware definition of what matters in a school. That said, should Harvard change their mind April 1, I imagine she might now remember why it was her first choice.</p>
<p>So I agree, having a first choice has its merits, having none has merits. I guess the real moment will come once the opinion about the first choice has to become the decision. This is my first time around, so there I will know more later....</p>
<p>My son was initially very happy with all 8 of the schools he applied to. His one EA school, which he didn't expect to go through, accepted him! And it's been an interesting road since then. I think at this point, it's between two schools (the EA school and one we'll hear from tomorrow): the other 6 have sort of faded to a distant third (although he's had acceptances from 2 of those already and says, "Hmm, that <em>was</em> a nice place, I'd do fine there, huh." ... not quite convincingly enough for me to think he's still considering them, though).</p>
<p>So no, there is truly no decision yet, and there won't be until after the EA school's pre-frosh weekend in April. Who knows, though... if one of the other 4 not-yet-heard-from schools suddenly makes some offer he couldn't refuse.... What a roller coaster, LOL! :)</p>
<p>S was a waffler. He liked several. But once April came around it was interesting to see the change. </p>
<p>What 6 or 8 months previously had been a sleepwalk through 10 college visits and info sessions was now the real deal with a sense of urgency. He scheduled nearly back to back sleepovers (accepted student days) in early April at his 2 finalists and 2 schools that he just both "liked" now had a clear winner and a clear loser. That May 1 deadline has the power to make even the worst procrastinators take note. But I remember last year on cc kids posting well into the afternoon of April 30..."Where should I go?".</p>
<p>S, along with my H and me, are all waffling. S was accepted EA to a wonderful school and we are awaiting possible merit aid in the next couple of weeks. He got into a safety school last week with a nice scholarship, but knows that he would rather go to the EA school. Then there's the dream school that would knock off the EA school if it happened, but that one also depends on merit aid from the EA school. With enough merit aid, the dream school could probably be waved goodbye to. Confused? So are we. He's got four decisions coming in the next 11 days and I still don't know where he would go if they all come through. Each school fits him (and our checkbook) in different and wonderful ways. It's going to be interesting to see what happens; I sincerely hope it does not come down to the wee hours of the night on April 30!</p>
<p>Argh! My S is still waiting here. He would like nothing more than to have a top choice, but he has all RD decisions.</p>
<p>It was interesting the first time around to see how our d shuffled and reshuffled her options as each letter came in. She wound up choosing what had initially been her #4 school (had been accepted at 7, waitlisted at another), and it has proven to be a wonderful choice. Btw, I felt strongly the first time we saw the school that it would be perfect for her, but was smart/lucky enough to keep my mouth shut until the deposit check was in the mail.</p>
<p>My current senior hasn't waffled about much in her life and currently has a detailed plan (if I get into C and D, it's D; if I get into D and E, it's E, etc.). She's been accepted at several schools she really likes, including her top realistic choice, but if either of her big reaches comes through, she just might waffle. </p>
<p>I didn't have the same sense of "knowing" that her current #1 was the perfect school for her as I did the first time around, and her sister, who is quite familiar with it, has her doubts. But it was the school where I disgraced myself in d2's eyes during the tour by dabbing at my eyes a bit when I realized how soon she'd be leaving the nest. Maybe that means something? (probably that I am not telepathic, just pathetic.)</p>
<p>Son has a first choice. I heard him talking to a friend. But he got a financial aid package with merit awards today from another fine school and I want to jump around and do a jig. This whole thing is doable! What a horrible process but all the hard work was worth it for this one package if nothing else. Now I will rest more easily and he can still hope that first choice comes through financially as well.</p>