<p>I have hired some adcoms to review your applications to me, most of you will be denied, waitlisted, or deferred. They use a holistic approach. EA/ED applicants have a binding contract to be exclusive friends with me.</p>
<p>Can I be? C’mon. You need a black friend here and there!</p>
<p>EA isnt binding! BULLSHET!</p>
<p>Obstinate plays the race card immediately, I like that, you’re waitlisted.
Spruce, I’m making the rules here…</p>
<p>Exclusive? UHH. I’ll pass.</p>
<p>whats the m/f breakdown of your friends? i can bring some diversity your way</p>
<p>what are some good hooks?</p>
<p>I have an SAT of 2380, gotta have some smart friends…beyond 90th%-ile, at least. ;)<br>
I believe my parents knew you, and named a building after you…so I’m a legacy?</p>
<p>Waitlisted? Fine. I’m sure there’s way cooler people out there who want to be my friend 
</p>
<p><em>goes to cry in a corner</em></p>
<p>I’ll befriend you Obstinate!</p>
<p>Poseur you’re in with that attitude.
Spruce-I have 2 friends (hypothetically) and don’t know their gender, but girls are already flocking so you seem to be in the majority
Meadow-I like people that act like pirates (eyepatches, hookhands, scurvy)</p>
<p>Alright! Safety friend!</p>
<p>Oh you’re lucky, because I AM a pirate.</p>
<p>Haha meadow you look like a fool, Obstinate that comment makes you in</p>
<p>so I’m your safety. REJECTED</p>
<p>Meadow, prove your buccaneering ways…</p>
<p>hahahahahaha, way to start the dramamamamamamammamamama</p>
<p>I hate drama, you’re in Spruce</p>
<p>Wait, no you can’t do that meadow! I’ve gotta compare offers first.</p>
<p>In terms of friendship, what are the benefits of being your friend Dimitri? What about you meadow?</p>
<p>Ask what I offer, Obstinate? You’ve been reassessed and your Reasoning Score seems to be about a 240 out of 800 if you are asking me who offered you admission to my friends’ list that is more prestigious than all Ivies</p>