I’m a sophomore transfer. Last year I went to a state school in a state 3.5 hours away and hated every single second. I transferred to a private college 2 hours from home. The first month I felt great and was having a good time with occasional bouts of homesickness. Now I’m 2 months in and I cry all the time. I can’t remeber a day I didn’t cry recently. I have anxiety and depression so I know this could be contributing to it. My most reoccurring thought is that I just want to go home and see my family. I am having difficulty making friends here due to a number of circumstances despite my best efforts. I thought I would be over the whole homesick thing by this time, especially since I’m at a school I love. The academics are harder but I like the challenge. However, as of the last couple weeks I have begun considering dropping out. Since this is my second college go round and things are still not settled it makes me concerned. Maybe I’m too immature to be at college on my own. I feel overwhelmed constantly by even small things like picking up tissues at the CVS 15 minutes away. I don’t know how to stop feeling like this and I’m so confused about whether I made the right decision after all. Any advice would help.
My advice is that, given that you’re only 2 hours away from home, leave on a Friday to go home for the weekend. Don’t take the fact that you’re 2 hours away from home for granted- I have friends who are 10 hours away (I can’t imagine how homesick they would be, if they even are). I’m almost 3 hours away from home and I’ve gone back home a few times for the weekend and it helped treat my homesickness. My roommate has also gone back home frequently. And if I were you, I wouldn’t drop out of college. In my opinion, I think if you do any schooling past high school, you just might as well finish it. I don’t think dropping out of college is ever a great option because, yea it’s a pain in the ass, but since you’re a sophomore already, you might as well just finish it out. Plus, your parents are probably paying a lot of money for you to go to college, so definitely try and take that into consideration. And also, what I do is facetime my parents every so often. So if you’re able to do any video chat like that, then that would definitely be the way to go. Hope this helps!
Your first consideration is your mental health.
Have you been to the mental health center on campus? That’s your first stop-- today!! They deal with this exact same situation every single day; you would be surprised to learn how many other kids are facing anxiety and depression issues.
Were you seeing a therapist back home? Have you been in touch since you left?
As opposed to “dropping out” why not consider transferring to a college near home, where you could commute? Going away to school simply isn’t for everyone. You may be one of the kids who would thrive by commuting, and there’s no shame to that. It’s not about maturity, it’s a matter of personal preference. I didn’t go away to school. My 2 older kids did; my son transferred home after the first year and is thriving; it looks like his sister will stay at her school 5 hours away.
But, again, your first stop is the mental health center. Today. Please check back in after you’ve been there and let us know what they said,OK?
A solution when feeling homesick isn’t to go home - it creates a quick fix so do it in an emergency but it’s a counter productive in the long term. You need to figure out what you like about “home” and make your room, your college, your environment more “homelike”.
Go to the counseling center ASAP. Explain that you get every day and need help. They’ll help you.
Are you getting enough sleep?
I have been going to group therapy here since the first month, but today I went in to schedule an individual appointment. I need to do a phone “interview” with them first so they have a rough understanding of who to pair me with. This will be within the next couple of days. I do see a therapist back home and we try to lightly keep in touch. I have been calling my parents a little bit more recently and for longer than I used to. They want me to wait a couple more weeks to see if the feelings I’m having right now lessen. That’s understandable so I’ll be working on that. They also said they’d be willing to either come get me on a weekend or come down to visit. I think them visiting would be a good compromise since one of you suggested I go home and someone else said it might aggravate the situation. I definitely do need to work on getting a little more sleep. I average about 7 hours a night. I’m bad at keeping routine though since mwf I have class at 9 and then tth it’s at 12 so I always push myself and say I’ll make up the sleep on those days which isn’t how sleep works. Thank you all for the help and advice and wisdom and I’ll keep checking in.
Thanks so much for checking in. It sounds like your priorities are right-- like you’re taking your mental health seriously. Kudos to you-- so many kids place it way down on the list of priorities.
I agree with your parents-- there’s no urgency to a making a decision.
And I would suggest they visit you instead of you coming home. Once you get home, it may be harder to get back into the car and make yourself return to school.
One thing I would suggest is a quick good night text to your parents each night. I honestly think it makes a difference-- it keeps you in touch without feeling like you’re being unduly needy. It’s a good routine to keep in touch.
And I’ve learned over the year that sleep really can’t be made up. You need to make a conscious effort to get enough sleep each night to stay healthy. Why not aim for a midnight bedtime for the next few school nights and see whether it makes a difference.
One more thing, and I’ve got to admit this is a “do as I say, not as I do” comment-- are you getting enough exercise? Why not spend some of those T,Th mornings in the gym getting a little exercise? It’s great for the physical and mental health.
Keep checking in, OK?
@bjkmom – all excellent advice.
OP – you are doing very well in managing this. Well done so far.
bjkmom mentioned something that’s really important – the routine that you may want to put in place (as hard as that can be sometimes!) Routines can help us feel and be more healthy in mind and body. She was right IMHO to ask not only about sleep but exercise. Though it may be hard to imagine how to fit in exercise to your busy schedule, it’s worth thinking about. Working the exercise into your daily life might be easier than setting aside time to go to the gym (though if you’re a gym rat, keep it up!) Some people might decide to walk to a class rather than taking a shuttle. Or they might get up 1/2 hour earlier to go for a walk around campus before eating breakfast. If you can manage about 1/2 or more of this kind of physical activity a day, that will help you sleep better. Some people like to use a step counter on their phone to see how many steps they take each day. It’s kind of fun. Exercise also naturally calms anxiety and lifts moods. The extra sunlight each day while you’re outside also helps with moods.
From what you posted it sounds like you’re on the right track. : )