Was I being unreasonable as a roommate?

Student Lounge College Life
1

One time my roommate cooked ramen noodles, and I saw that there were pieces of dry noodles on the ground. I texted her, 'Hey, were you cooking noodles? There are things on the floor that look like dry noodles. Could you sweep those as we don’t want to attract rodents?" She just sent me a thumbs up button, and a big later I heard her outside my room sweeping the floor. Sometimes she leaves her dishes for a long time, but I didn’t mention it.

My roommates and I assigned ourselves laundry days so we won’t get in each other’s way. One time I forgot to take my laundry out of the dryer and the same roommate posted in our group me: 'Hey let’s remember our laundry days, that way we won’t get in each other’s way." (Tbh there was one time before this when I left my laundry in on her day and she asked me if we were keeping our laundry days the same. I said, “Yes, I just forgot to take them out of the dryer.”)

I responded to her in the group me: “Are there clothes in there?” Her: “Yes the dryer” Me: “Lol. You could’ve just said that. Thanks. You can put them on the couch. Also, those dishes have been there a while. Could you do those as we don’t want to attract rodents?”

A week later she posted in group me

“Hey, there’s underwear in the kitchen sink. Could someone remove it?”

I text her individually: “Hey I will remove my stuff when I get home. They’re clean. I just spilled something on them and I washed out the stain”

Her: “Ok in the future could you do that in the bathroom sink or tub?”

Me: “It’s not your side of the sink”

Her: “It’s the kitchen…”

Me: “It’s not your side of the sink”

Me- Look, I’m not trying to go back and forth with you. Okay sure, if that bothers you then I won’t do it again. But I while we’re on the topic, can you not leave your dishes in the sink for longer than two days. That’s gross. Also, you use the kitchen too so it wouldn’t hurt to sweep sometimes. I also mentioned that to ( the other roommate)"

Her- That’s fine. I’ll do that. But I’m also taking out the trash 95% of the time. So maybe we could alternate. And I shouldn’t have to remind people to not leave their laundry sitting. Either set a timer and get it on time, or don’t get annoyed about where I move it.

Me- First of all, nobody is trying to make this a competition, so you can not get smart. I don’t touch your stuff so don’t touch mine. That doesn’t have anything to do with what we were talking about. We already established what to do with our laundry, so don’t try to tell me what to do. thanks. This conversation is redundant and I’m not trying to be those roommates that hate each other. If you have a problem just state that to me and leave it at that. No need to try and tell me what to do, you can ask me politely though

A few weeks later during finals week (before Christmas break), I was doing my laundry on a Sunday (one of her laundry days I will admit.) I forgot to take my stuff out of the dryer and I heard someone open the dryer. I left my room and saw her throwing my laundry into the washer.
I said, “No, I’ll get those. Excuse me.”

Later I knocked on her door and asked her if she was done with laundry. She responded with an attitude: “No.”

Me: …Um ok. I noticed you have this major chip on your shoulder and Idk what this attitude is, but none of this is a big deal.

Her: Can you let me do my laundry on my assigned days???

Me: I never said you couldn’t.

Her: And you’re the one who tried to start a fight when I messaged you about underwear in the sink!

Me: Hold up. Hold up.

Her: No! Don’t tell me what to do! I have a lot going on and I’m not dealing with this! Go away.
Me: I don’t care what you’re dealing with.
Her: Just go away.
Me: Ok…I don’t care what you’re dealing with!
She sends a long message saying I’m being rude about laundry and that the 3 of us need to have a meeting after break.

As I left my apartment I said (in person), “If you raise your voice at me again, you’re going to regret it. Just letting you know.”

4 weeks later she sends me a text: There was a full trash bag sitting next to the trashcan. Idk who left it, but when you change trash, please take it to the dumpster. I’m also mentioning this to (other roommate).

Me: Whose mom are you??? Oh, that’s right. NO ONE’S. Stop talking to me. I tried to be civil with you, but I can see you don’t know what civil is. Don’t tell me what to do. I do what I want. You weren’t even supposed to live where we live. It was an accident and now we’re stuck living with you so act accordingly. I’m blocking you, so whatever you have to say, save it because the message won’t go through. :slight_smile:

2

Wasn’t a situation quite similar to this posted a few months ago? When did all of this happen?

Anyway all of this seems quite simple. First, talk to each other in person without making threats. Second, if there is laundry in your way, move it to a basket or counter and do your laundry. Third, empty the trash or leave it. Four, don’t put underwear in a kitchen sink.

If you can’t communicate in a civil manner at all, by phone or by text, then honestly your choices are to work around or ignore your roommates’ stuff (laundry, trash, noodles) or to take care of it yourself.

3

You have your hang-ups, she has hers. Sounds like you need to sit down together and work out a contractual chore schedule. The one who doesn’t comply buys the pizza on Friday night.

4

Maybe you should compare notes with this poster:

http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2162993-i-offended-my-roommates-am-i-being-unreasonable-p1.html

5

all of that gave me a headache…it seems likes you are both a little inconsiderate of each-other…and underwear in the sink is nasty!

also it seems that neither of you think you are doing anything wrong/annoying.

i would say when the year is over (which it should be if your in a dorm) go separate ways.

6

Sorry, seeing someone else’s underwear in the kitchen sink is kind of repulsive, whether it’s clean or not, or your side or not.

Making a mistake once is one thing, but leaving your stuff in the dryer for someone else to deal with again and again is annoying. Not ever taking out the trash is just as annoying as never sweeping. Saying that you don’t care what someone else is dealing with is pretty rude since you also seem to have excuses for the inconsiderate stuff you do.

Things won’t get better if you both don’t cut the snark, really listen to each other. and then try to do the right thing. Sometimes someone has to be the bigger person to get the ball rolling. If you forget, apologize. Say “I’m really sorry you had to deal with that.” And mean it. If you keep trying your best but she doesn’t reciprocate maybe then you will have room to complain. But try to be the grownup in the room the way you respond.

I once had two other housemates. We divided the house chores into three more-or less equal divisions and rotated who did what every week so no one had to be stuck with the same chores. Maybe you could do something like that with the sweeping and the trash. And whoever forgets her job that week has to buy the other roommate dinner (or whatever you decide). But really, nothing will work if you both want to act like jerks with each other.

I halfway think this is a joke thread. Is this real? Or are college students this immature?

7

And yeah, if you do leave your laundry in the dryer on her day to do laundry, she does have the right to move it out of the dryer to any available surface. So if you’re going to be forgetful and want to keep your laundry clean at least leave a laundry basket for her to put it in (which she should not have to do, btw). And then buy her that pizza for her trouble.

8

To answer your original question, yes, you were being unreasonable. If you aren’t going to 100% adhere to agreements, it is unreasonable to expect your roommates to offer you the flexibility that you seem unwilling to extend to them in kind. And underwear in the sink is really not cool, unless you live alone. Maybe you should find your own place?

9

What an unpleasant way to live.

First thing I’d do is exit group texts.

10

So you want to complain about cleanliness when they forget a chore but if they message you something about your dirty ways you get upset?
Yes, having double standards is unreasonable.

Threatening her with possible violence (you’ll regret it sounds very threatening) was totally uncalled for and I would likely block you as well. You sound super immature.

11

I’m glad there wasn’t texting when I was in college.

Texting is the lowest form of communication. Most of your problems would go away if the two of you just spoke to one another rather than sending snarky text messages.

12

If you look at the two threads even quickly like I did you see their almost identical even with the underwear in the sink… So most likely not a real thread. But for those that think it’s real… Put down your phones. Talk. Come up with a schedule. Stick to it. Be considerate if changes come up.

Maybe it’s time to move back home with the parents if one can’t figure out how to behave with another human being.

13

To be completely honest, you both seem very childish. And I have to side with her on that one part, underwear in the sink is gross regardless.

14

I didn’t read the whole thing, but since you’re the one writing one or possibly more walls of text about it to strangers on the internet I’d say it’s likely you’re the one being unreasonable.