I hear you. We received mixed messages about the funding of college for our kids from a grandparent. ending with much less than had been promised. It breeds resentment. But building our own independence financially has been a source of pride. Now, OP, you might be a much nicer person than me, but using the spending money on yourself, rather than on airfare home would send the message very clearly…i am not recommending that, it just springs to mind. What I recommend is to accept the fact that your parents have weird money habits and then move on. I don’t think you are wrong to look at this as an odd situation.
Get Dave Ramsey’s “Total Money Makeover”. It is a great step-by-step guide to managing money and getting out of debt (thankfully not you–yet–remain thankful). Part of that book is establishing an “emergency fund” (I like to think of it as a “so I can sleep at night” fund). The fund is for unexpected medical bills/repair bills. The UNEXPECTED–not tuition, going out to eat etc. It is absolutely the first step.
We have gifted many copies of this book to our own kids and friends–we make plenty of money and recognize good financial advice when we see it.
I suggest reading the book. Building your own “emergency fund”. And look forward to being financially independent.
It’s a great feeling.
You’ve gotten a huge boost through an inheritance so take advantage and be grateful.
If your parents help you later on, accept it with gratitude but with a good plan in place you won’t have to rely on them.
You posted both of these statements. Please tell which is the truth. Relative…or scholarship?
I read your explanation above…and frankly…you are much more fortunate than the vast majority of college students.
We get it–you are frustrated. Going forward, assume you will receive nothing from your parents and if they do give you some money, SURPRISE! Make the most of your summers off. If you can handle 2 jobs, do it. You also mentioned airfare home, perhaps you need to cut down on flights home. Too expensive.
.
.
First, I see how my first statement was confusing. I didn’t mention the merit aid because it seemed irrelevant at the time and confused the point. Let me explain, again… I inherited a sum of money. It would pay for 1.5 years of college or so at some schools. Thankfully I I have a scholarship that covers a significant portion of tuition, not all. When I say my college tuition is fully funded by a relative, I mean that I do not have to pay anything – no debt. No, the sum is not covering “full tuition,” but the tuition, once the scholarship covers its part, is fully paid for without a leftover payment from me. I misused the phrase “full tuition.”
I never claimed that I wasn’t lucky… I also never said I don’t have it better than most people. I’m just trying to get some feedback because my situation is unusual.
^Well, our feedback is that your situation IS unusual and you should be very thankful for it. 
You’ll be fine. Once you work out how to get through all of this, do try to start some good money habits of your own. Your parents are pretty extreme; you shouldn’t mimic their habits once you graduate and start your career.
There are lots of books and websites on financial well being. As you head into the working world, check a few out and find what works for you- hopefully not as extreme as your parents but try not to swing the opposite direction either.
Until then, work when you can. Now isn’t a bad time to be relatively poor. If your friends have expectations based on how much your parents make, well, you don’t have to live up to those expectations.
How do,your friends know how much your parents earn? Is this a subject for discussion…or an assumption based on the types of jobs they have…and where you live?
Yeah, I never would have given the subject much thought. My college roommate’s father worked for the oil industry in Houston, so I imagine he did very well, but I didn’t expect the daughter to have tons of money to spend.
I understand your frustration. I don’t think I understand all of the relevant facts.
Are the funds to pay for college in your own name in your own account or do your parents control them through a custodial account. If they are in your name, they are your funds and can be used for anything.
The difference between you and financial independence seems like a Stafford loan per year. It’s not a big loan, it’s a federal loan, enough to let you live without your parents support. You are already through some college, so your overall debt load upon graduating will not be huge.
I think your parents are right about wasting time working retail. If your internship is relevant to your post-college career, then the funds you are forgoing is an investment into that career. If it’s an opportunity of a lifetime, I can only assume that the career that you are preparing for is sufficiently lucrative to allow you to be able to afford to repay your loans.
Furthermore, being financially independent will get them off of your back. You can stop consulting them on anything financial, and you can stop telling them about anything financial. It doesn’t sound like you are getting any aid at all. What exactly is the benefit of you being their dependent. Make your relationship with your parents about other things than money.
What field is this fantastic internship in? How old are you?
A surprisingly large number of wealthy people started off fairly poor or at least working class. In many cases they remained poor for a while in their working years, and then eventually made it big (possibly the startup that they went to work for did very well, or they started a small business that did very well, or they became a recognized expert in something that was financially lucrative, or they became doctors and eventually paid off their student loans, or something). They still remember money as being something that they didn’t have, and are split somewhere between afraid that something will happen that will cause them to lose their money, and wanting to instill in their kids the same respect for how hard money is to get and keep.
However, it can be very difficult to balance “teach kids respect for money” versus “give your kids the opportunities that you want them to have”. Some parents will go too far in either direction.
There are quite a few people in the US who make about $300,000 or more per year, and yet have essentially NO assets. It is possible to spend that much. It is even possible with an income that large to spend more than your after-tax income and slowly go into debt. It might seem to someone making half of that as if it should be possible for high income people to live as if they were making 20% less and bank the difference. Of course this is possible and very much appropriate. However, a very large percentage of people in the US with high income actually save almost nothing of what they earn. Some of these people are reaching retirement age around about now and discovering “oops, we have a problem”.
You are better off to have parents who are wise enough to save a significant part of their income. It does appear that they overdo this. For example, they really should seek out appropriate medical care when they need it. Getting the balance right really is hard, both intellectually and emotionally.
Re, friends making assumptions about my finances: They have visited me at home. I live in a very affluent area. Property is the one area my parents don’t skimp on spending.
What else is there to say? Your college costs are covered by several means. You have a job when you are in school. You won’t have any debt when you graduate from undergrad school.
I just can’t imagine what problems you are having.
You just have to be strong. When your friends want to go on spring break or out to dinner, you have to say no. Suggest staying home for game night or cooking up some muffins. When your parents want you to take an internship instead of a job, tell you they can’t afford it. Show them your budget, that you need $1000 per semester for books, groceries, travel home, and you need to make $3000 in the summer.
When I was in my last semester, it was too much for me to work my regular job (15 hours on campus during the week) and commute to my internship, and take my other classes. I told my father this and there was big silence. I said “I need you to give me $20/wk for the next 6 weeks so I can cut down on my hours.” He didn’t realize how tight my budget was but honestly, I’d never showed him either.
It is frustrating to deal with people who are sending mixed messages even if the overall gain is positive. What I would tell you is that your parents appear “consistently inconsistent.” Now that you know that about them, you can plan your life going forward. This behavior may not change; however, it may only show itself when money is the issue. You can figure that out over time.
I don’t know why your friends would make assumptions about YOUR money based on your parents’ area or whatever.
Honestly, some of my best friends in college had parents who were doctors, etc and lived in me of the nicest parts of our state. Almost all of them worked for their own spending money and cars and whatnot.
I know you’re saving up in case of medical costs, but I have to ask why. Are you not insured? Do you have a chronic illness or something that can flare at any time?
I am not judging (though I will judge your parents if they wouldn’t help even in case of illness), just asking. Asking because there might be help for you if you are uninsured or something. There are also options if you’re young and ill.
(I am only prying a little because I have a severe chronic illness and found out about some resources available to me too late to qualify for them.)
@feuervogel I can understand very well why you would be frustrated that your wealthy parents will not contribute more money to your education. I can’t imagine parents being so frugal that they would refuse to assist you a just a bit more especially with necessities such a medical costs, etc. Yes, there are lots of kids who are worse off financially, but it must be very hurtful to be treated this way. I can see the positive for you that they do have assets so you likely will not have to support them when they are older, but I can’t see that a few thousand dollars of assistance would make a difference in this regard if they have as much as you think they do.
I guess I can sympathize because when I was in college many years ago (I was paying for all the costs myself that my financial aid didn’t cover by working full time in the summer), my financial aid documents were misplaced by the FA office my second semester so I was in a real financial bind. I had to ask my Mother for some emergency money to tide me over until I got my aid. She told me that she would give me $100 dollars but to never again ask her for more money. Then the next summer, I had to sell my moped (that I bought myself) in order to pay for a required summer school program for my major and my mother said “Oh, if you’re going to sell it, I think your little brother would like it - I’ll pay you $250 for it.” My parents had some money to help me out a bit for college, but they chose to basically buy my 12 year old little brother an expensive toy instead (they sure never bought me anything worth $250 dollars).
I was like you, and able to pretty much cover the cost of my education, but it really hurt that my parents had other priorities and wouldn’t try to make things just a little easier on me. I was having to make a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter last a week, and they knew that, so it really stung when they cared more about my little brother having a cool toy than me having enough to eat.
I also had a problem with my eye while at school - I had some grit get under one of my contacts and I woke up one morning with the whites of my eye blood red. One of my professors took me aside and told me he was going to pay for me to see his personal eye doctor to get it checked out. So even my professors cared more about my well being than my parents. My parents were not neglectful or abusive. They were poor, and provided for me the best they could while I was at home, but it seemed once I was out of sight, I was out of mind.
Anyway, I graduated and had a great career and my mother and I have a good relationship now - maybe because I usually give her a nice amount of money for Christmas each year. Still after all these years, I remember being hurt by what she did.
I’ll second the recommendation to take out a small loan as you may need it for emergencies or to get established after you graduate. I ended up only needing to take out $1,500 in student loans and was able to pay it back on my low entry level salary 30 years ago. I feel like $5,000 or so would be a reasonable amount that you could handle in today’s economy that would give you some piece of mind and allow you to do a few fun things while you are in college. You seen to have a good head on your shoulders about financial matters.
Good luck to you.
Having parents tell you that they’d increase their financial support in order to compensate for you taking the unpaid internship–yeah, that’s not reasonable in my book. Regard it as a somewhat painful but useful lesson in how to treat any future offers from them of financial gifts.
The good news is that their assets will likely be sufficient to cover their retirement and any eldercare.
If you had a sudden medical or other emergency would you parents be willing to assist with that? If not, I agree that you should have a FAFSA filed so that you have ready access to a source of emergency funds, especially before you’ve had a chance to build up a bit of emergency savings from a part-time job.