<p>Yes, there is pot on campus, yes, your daughter will most likely be offered pot at some time during her college career, and yes, college kids are adults. But that is not what matters here. The issue is if she joins this school's team she will be spending a large amount of time with these teammates and will she be comfortable with their behavior (Isn't that what getting to know a team is all about). This is a question only she can answer - can she spend most of her college career socializing with teammates who smoke pot? The key college decision is always fit - does she fit in with these kids? (My guess is the answer is no - if she had felt comfortable with it she probably would not have told her parents!)</p>
<p>(don't know what is going on here this morning - it is putting my post before OP and saying I posted at some crazy time in the future)</p>
<p>OK I know there is a separate forum for athletics but I don’t especially want any college coaches to see this My daughter recently had a “get to know the team” overnight with several other candidates. We’d been warned there would probably be drinking, but she was also offered pot. Should I even be suprised?</p>
<p>Definetely a factor in whether we will consider the school further.</p>
<p>Well, she got to know the team. And the reality is that weed is going to kill her, and weed is not likely to be associated with sexual assault, or with hazing, but alcohol might.</p>
<p>I always try to look at the bright side of things, so here goes; mini is correct (I think there was a typo) in that weed won’t kill her. It doesn’t leave a person sloppily impaired and therefore at a higher risk for sexual assault like alcohol. I also have never heard of “butt huffing” weed to get super high really quick. Okay, maybe we have illegalized the wrong substance, but that’s for another forum.</p>
<p>I guess the question you and your DD ask yourselves is “Is this a deal breaker?”, is this really prevalent with the whole team, or is this something that she can live with knowing it is present with her team mates but she can just “say no”. I applaud the relationship you have with her; a lot of teen DD’s wouldn’t have mentioned it to their parents. I’m very curious too. What sport? I’m not looking for you to “out” a school or team, just wondering which sport.</p>
<p>Both alcohol and weed are illegal for the college freshman.</p>
<p>However, if you look at the users and effects, weed is considerably milder than alcohol. Once someone has knowledge of the effects of both, if they are willing to break the rules enough to illegally have alcohol, then there’s no question about weed. Potential legal consequences (as opposed to anything values-based) are usually the only thing holding back weed usage from those who do both.</p>
<p>In our state, the consequences for doing weed, or even being in the presence of weed or for that matter paraphenalia are MUCH greater than the consequences for underage drinking or being in the presence of drinking.</p>
<p>One of my kids was offered weed on a college overnight visit senior year. I figured this was probably the first, but not the last, time he would have to make decisions about recreational substances. I was an RA in college – I have seen plenty of what students do in the dorms. </p>
<p>I was more interested in how he reacted than in being outraged that he was offered. BTW, he and the group of kids he was hanging out with said “no thanks” and went back to their gaming. He didn’t imbibe during college, either. </p>
<p>My other son attends college in a state where pot laws are pretty lax. He said he does not partake because he doesn’t want anything to interfere with potential security clearances or reference checks down the road. I have, however, pointed out that the penalties in some states for a fake ID can be quite severe.</p>
<p>I’m just glad both guys have felt free to share and discuss with me, even if they make choices I don’t entirely agree with.</p>
<p>Countingdown, good for your kids. Lots of times kids don’t look “down the road”. They’re just seeing what’s happening now and figuring, “What’s the big deal?” Those little stupid decisions can make a big splash later on.</p>
<p>Is your concern that pot was readily available, or that the overnight wasn’t more carefully managed? I can see that the latter might be an issue. It suggests there’s may not be a lot of adult oversight when it comes to team activities. But as for any pearl clutching about the availability of pot–welcome to college.</p>
<p>College “kids” are technically adults- they shouldn’t need “adult” supervision. She, not you, needs to decide if this is a deal breaker for her. Medically speaking there are long term effects from chronic marijuana use. Also, peer pressure from the team and how serious the athletes are about their sport may be an issue for her. Be sure she is also considering the academics, college is not just to play her sport but to also successfully graduate with a meaningful degree. Is that team’s culture compatible with her lifestyle? She will have to weight the pros and cons. </p>
<p>Again, remember it is her life, not “we” going to college. Be sure to be a sounding board for her but remember to let her take the lead and be in charge, not you.</p>
<p>Welcome to life. This is going to happen at almost any place you go. Your D is a big kid now- she can decide whether or not it’s a make or break deal. She can also choose not to partake and not let it be the make or break factor.</p>
<p>I have recently talked to two parents whose kids play D1 sports. BOth told me that their teams take an honor pledge during their seasons to stay clean - no drinking/drugs etc. and the teams take this seriously. SO there are different standards for different teams. Not surprised about the presence of pot on campus, but how readily its used by the team should factor into your decision, if that matters to you.</p>
<p>“College “kids” are technically adults- they shouldn’t need “adult” supervision. She, not you, needs to decide if this is a deal breaker for her.”</p>
<p>Yes, but this was the OPs D’s senior year in high school. She was still a minor. I sent my kids to college overnights when they were minors - but they were VERY controlled for this reason.</p>
<p>I’m kind of surprised that there was even alcohol on this particular weekend. I guess it might be common in some areas, or maybe in some athletic circles - but we didn’t have any experience like that sending a hs kid to a college overnight.</p>
<p>Surfcity - that’s pretty cool. I would be much more apt to contribute to a college education in that environment than the one that OPs describing (just on the surface).</p>
<p>Thanks, that was an interesting variety of responses. Full disclosure time:</p>
<p>I actually think pot should be legal. This is not to say I approve, but the reality is people have been using mind-altering substances since we first came down from the trees and its never going to change. HOWEVER, I also live in a state where alcohol gets the shrug “kids wil be kids” but weed is something else altogether. An older friend of D’s, now 19 cost her parents very serious $$$$ in legal bills for being pulled over with weeks and kids under 18 in the car. Which brings me back to kids over 18, offering high school students they just met dope at a school-sponsored event with parents hovering in the vicinity waiting to pick them up the next morning and ask how was the visit? For at least one of these girls, it was actually the first time she had ever drank so I wonder how obvious the hangover was to the parents. Its a mindblowing lack of good judgement IMO and I wonder if any of them stopped to think of the bad position they might put their coach in. Although for all I know she is their dealer.</p>
<p>I’m with cromette. Sure, D is about to be an “adult” whatever that means, but I will be paying some tuition (she is overall a good kid and would get substantial merit aid at this school) as well as room and board. I think it is reasonable for that money to come with some strings attached: get decent grades, get an internship, don’t get in legal trouble. She has 3 D1 visits coming up and it will be an interesting contrast. Maybe the “team activity” on the schedule at the one for Saturday night is roasting smores and having a sing along?</p>
<p>@Saltwater, the sport is swimming. Suprised? The funny thing is I really can’t tell if it affects their times or not. The two fastest guys on her club team are wasted half the time as legend has it.</p>
<p>MommaJ: “pearl clutching” My new favorite phrase!</p>
<p>It never ceases to amaze me that people accept that underage kids are going to drink alcohol, which can and does actually KILL them on a regular basis, not to mention leading to all kinds of risky and damaging behavior, most notably the drunken hook-up, yet they are bent out of shape about smoking pot, the worst effect of which is probably going to be the munchies.</p>
<p>I agree that pot should be legalized. (Actually, I am strongly opposed to blue laws in general, but that’s another thread.)</p>
<p>It does seem rather unwise for team members to offer booze and pot to HS kids who are on an official recruiting trip and who will be picked up by their parents the next morning. For one thing, any of the kids might tell their parents, and any of the parents might complain to the coach…</p>
<p>Now, if your D found out that steroid use was rampant on the team, THAT would be something to really worry about.</p>
<p>“I was more interested in how he reacted than in being outraged that he was offered.”</p>
<p>Concur 100% with the above statement. I think most, if not all parents, accept the fact that their children will be confronted with these types of situations in college and high school. While I think offering weed during an “official visit” is misguided, in the end our children must decide for themselves what choice to make. At this point in time, I focus on making sure my children fully understand the consequences of being caught with illegal substances. It can be a real game changer for a high achieving student with a clean track record.</p>
<p>If it’s a D1 NCAA sport, there’s mandatory drug testing. There won’t be weed in-season for the simple reason that it takes longer than 24 hours (the notice you get for drug testing) to exit your system. Drinking is a different story. </p>
<p>I think swim teams are also big enough to have different social groups, though – so one visit may not be indicative of the whole team vibe.</p>
<p>My friend was at orientation at Chicago about nine years ago and actually had a pre-frosh in her class hospitalized after using cocaine.</p>
My daughter recently had a “get to know the team” overnight with several other candidates. We’d been warned there would probably be drinking, but she was also offered pot. Should I even be suprised?</p>
My new favorite phrase!</p>