@pizzagirl: Did; no pickup. No reply to texts - not even days later now.
I do alumni interviews, and in the past several years:
- I have ONCE had a parent arrive with their child and apparently want to sit in. I politely said “we’ll be in the meeting room” and he sat outside in the main library area and stared at us.
- On that note, I never meet anywhere where there is a lot of noise. My two favorite options are at the students’ school, in a conference room or other open office. Either the student has a study hall, can meet during lunch, or miss an elective for 30 minutes. This works very well for private school students especially if on scholarship; they might not be able to travel easily or be embarrassed about their neighborhood.
- But McDonald’s vs Starbucks vs. any other restaurant is no issue; why would that matter? Was it sketch because it was McDonald’s, or was it sketch because of the location or that particular one?
- Phoning/texting interviewee is something I avoid. We do voluntarily conduct alumni interviews. I don’t want to give my phone number out to someone who might not get in, and might think I had a role in it. Email is one thing, and I give my alumni email so if there ever was an issue, the university would know that it went through their servers for the authorities to get involved. I think that texting an interviewee is not a good idea, especially to reschedule at the last minute.
- Rescheduling - most alumni interviewers are very busy. It is rare to reschedule the same day, but it does happen. The interviewer should have said that they had an emergency and would need to reschedule. The interviewer should have offered a phone interview if the student could not do an in-person interview at a convenient time. Or Skype for that matter.
I’m feeling the parent was too helicopter, and that the applicant wasn’t into that. The applicant would have told the parent if she wanted to tell the parent about the alumni interview.
Our alumni interviewing program is pretty well controlled, but we have some older and not computer savvy folks who do alumni interviews. We also have doctors, lawyers, dentists, and CEOs who do alumni interviews, and yes, they can get busy. And I’ve got a bunch of kids, so I might have to reschedule if one gets sick.
Some alumni interviewers are weird. But rescheduling and meeting at a McDonald’s aren’t abnormal enough to say therefore the interviewer was weird. The only problem was asking to reschedule instead of saying “I am sorry I cannot meet. Are you available ?”.
A few other things:
- Alumni interviewers are NOT staff.
- Contacting the college should be BY THE APPLICANT, and should be sent to Admissions and ask “is Mr. Smith with email address smith@gmail.com an interviewer for your college?” That is completely valid to ask, and best to ask Admissions instead of the interviewer.
- The parent needs to stop. Just, stop. The parent may end up paying, but they should NOT be so involved in the process where their adult child (by this time of year) is contacted by another adult to have an alumni interview, and they feel that it is THEIR place to complain about it.
Good luck to the applicant, she will need it with such a degree of helicoptering. An abnormal and possibly damaging degree of helicoptering.
…“How would you have reacted if the interviewer had invited the kid to his house?
And as for “inconvenient” - it’s too bad your kid has a busy life, but we all do. It’s not about the convenience for you. It’s about the convenience for the interviewer, who is doing your kid / the school a favor. He gets to set the time / place (within reason). …”
I would, personally, be better with the interview at a private house, but I do understand (of course) the attraction of a public spot. McDonalds seems an odd choice because the fare there is a full meal and not snack-type beverages or the like. It’s also culturally loaded as, in fairness, would be any place, more or less. You’re right, it’s a problematic reaction, mine. And yet there it is…
The point isn’t kid’s busy life, or mine or the interviewer’s. The point is that significant concessions, with long-term consequences, were in fact made in advance with cognition of the consequence in service of the necessity of this interview and of course arranging it to the interviewer’s schedule. In return one doesn’t expect all this concession to be made in vain. It is at best, rude. And honestly, it reflects very poorly on the school. Which in itself may be unfair, but there you have it.
“I doubt very, very, very much that kids from a non-poor school would be being asked to an interview at McDonalds”
and McDonald’s is “culturally loaded”
wow!
should I laugh or cry?
I hope you are joking!
@rhandco :
…“I’m feeling the parent was too helicopter, and that the applicant wasn’t into that. The applicant would have told the parent if she wanted to tell the parent about the alumni interview…”
I think this is true! I have had no problem with kid arranging interview on their own. It was just when it became odd like this… I am trying to stay out of it! It’s retroactively I do wonder… that’s the point.
…“Good luck to the applicant, she will need it with such a degree of helicoptering. An abnormal and possibly damaging degree of helicoptering. …”
Wow.
BTW, I had no intention of arriving with child, it just all became so odd that it felt improper for me not to; I felt retroactively ashamed for not having thought about how perhaps it was my duty to be thinking about all this and wondering about the kid’s safety. This wasn’t anything that had occurred to me previously.
I drove kid to McDonalds in the end, and sat in the car; I could see into the lighted restaurant.
To another’s question: it was a little sketch, the restaurant. Kid wasn’t phased by it. Just me and as has been amply pointed out here: who cares my own personal reaction? But it underlies all the little pieces that added up just off.
Interesting point about avoiding any distribution of text/phone number. For the record, while I could of course get this from kid, I have not.
I don’t think that’s weird at all. When I had my alumni interview, it was in a small coffee shop and was very informal. I don’t know what you expected the interviewer to do. It sucks that they had to cancel at the last second, but things like that happen when you’re a professional.
@twogirls - thanks. I guess some of the problem is I honestly didn’t know people conducted interviews in these public chain restaurants. I just don’t go to them and I’m really pretty out of it I guess.
I more than understand that people have lives. The problem was (a) interviewer did not ever contact kid to say “I can’t make it”. Kid contacted interviewer to confirm, who responded back “would it be possible to reschedule” and this happened (b) one hour before appointed time. It was too late to reschedule and too late to avoid the pretzeling that had happened for the initial interview. Which, BTW, had been arranged by the interviewer who had been instructed by the school to contact kid (not other way around). Kid immediately tried to phone upon receiving the “can we reschedule” text, but received no answer and no subsequent response to any texts.
Perhaps I have explained the oddness insufficiently.
And yes, you’re right my feelings about McDonlds are probably irrelevant. In the context of all the rest it felt odd. But again, I am perhaps just out-of-it with regard to all these restaurants; I never go to any of them.
I do not think at all it is sketch to meet the kid “alone”. That’s right and proper and what I would have anticipated. I think arranging a nighttime meeting at a creepy restaurant (yes, I guess I do think these McDonalds are kind of sketch around here, but I’m loathe to admit this because again, I’m mostly ignorant of this). But again, retroactively the arrangements felt odd if indeed they had been off. Proactively it seems fine, but if it had been edgy, in retrospect this all felt like it could have been odd.
…“I would have had your daughter email the school to tell them that she had an interview scheduled, the interviewer sent her a vague text asking if it was possible to meet at a different time, and then did not keep the appointment at McDonalds even though it was not technically cancelled…”
No time for this, it was late on a Saturday, and we were leaving town then. Office of school was long-closed. And honestly, this all feels like total “helicoptering” to me – I wasn’t making prescriptions to kid. I was just doing what was asked of me, when it was asked of me. Kid called me in when and only after, receiving one-hour-prior text saying “could we reschedule”… we were already on our way back from the meet at that point. I was simply told “I’m scratching”, I didn’t argue, didn’t complain, didn’t question; just said, inside: “OK, kid’s decided this is more important”. And I also cancelled what I needed to do in order to get kid back in time for interview, no interaction, no interference, no conversation: just did it. It is retroactively, for this to have happened that it all feels untoward.
You are not bad/neglecting/helicoptering, etc…we are all doing the best we can. Darn Teens don’t come with instructions!!
I think the interviewer would have been ok with, “I would be missing a swim meet final at that time, how about…” They don’t expect you to drop everything and anything. It’s ok to negotiate the time that fits both. Your D will learn that.
There is nothing wrong w driving her there. Period. Even if it hadn’t been weird. As parents, we drive them. As the commercial says, it’s what we do:)
But drop the email at this point for sure. Unless they call to ask you questions, and then be brief. (If it had to be written, you should have D do it.)
Cultural, sounds like you view McD as being lower class, or some other culturally significance and presuming they suggested it thinking your D was such. But I doubt that entered their mind. Just a convenient spot.
It was indeed rude to cancel with no reschedule. But what can you do…Good luck!!
@rhandco …"- The interviewer should have said that they had an emergency and would need to reschedule. The interviewer should have offered a phone interview if the student could not do an in-person interview at a convenient time. Or Skype for that matter. …"
The interviewer never did contact the interviewee; it was only upon confirmation-attempt that the interviewer confessed to having forgotten about the interview and wondering about rescheduling-possibilities. Kid wanted to phone or skype and requested as much via return-text, but again, no response. Certainly no such offer was made, therefore.
There is way too much drama. “Significant concessions”? The interviewer offered up his schedule; your kid met it. Did you think that the interviewer should have worked around your kid - perhaps canceling his own personal or professional obligations? I get that your kid’s swim schedule may run your house, but why should it run the interviewer’s house.
I don’t eat at McD either, but there is no conceptual difference between ordering a coffee at Starbucks and settling in to meet, and ordering a Coke at McD and settling in to meet. This “culturally loaded” is in your head, and nowhere else. And I think there’s a little much pride being taken on your part that you’re “unfamiliar with chain restaurants” and just wouldn’t have a clue what they are like.
You would think you’d never had someone cancel something on you before. It happens. People are busy. I have a job where I have clients around the globe. If I planned to meet a student at 8 pm, then found out I needed to talk with my client in India at that time, guess what? I’d cancel. I agree the interviewer should have been clearer about canceling, but the drama on your end and the irrelevant McD digression and the “inconvenience” is just over the top.
…"when two people go on a first date for coffee at Starbucks is that not an interview? do you think that McD’s or, a coffee shop minds people grabbing food and talking at their establishment?.. good point, zobroward, and rebeccar (and others, too). Thanks. You’re right; that’s sort of a tangential reason these places exist. Definitely should get over myself about that then! And you’re right, all the other alternatives are worse, probably, for one reason or another. I suppose these places really function primarily as this sort of an informal, public “office” in many ways. They’re not a restaurant being coopted as meeting place, they’re a tit-for-tat meeting place financed by food-offerings.
I think some of what you’re frustrated by is that this interview affected your home life (that things had to be cancelled, rearranged, etc.), and that’s valid, but I think you’re projejecting that onto the motives of the interviewer. There may very well be time constraints on the interviewer’s end (their job picks up and they can’t interview in the new year, there is a college-imposed deadline, they prefer to schedule one at a time and there are other interviewees coming…). Regardless, some of the ‘offness’ seems to be problematic cultural connotations of a McDonald’s (that you’ve admitted to) but are particular to you, and some of the ‘offness’ seems to be frustration over how it affected your family-- which is valid, but shouldn’t contribute to the ‘offness’ of the interviewer.
Yes, it sucks that the interview was missed, but people have to (unfortunately) reschedule things (on both ends) all the time. What would have been appropriate is for the student to follow up after the interview was missed (via email, so there’s a written record) saying “I’m sorry I missed you on XX day. I would still like to meet and talk about XX College. For the holidays, I’m going out of town. Are there times XX week, either at the McDonald’s or the XX Starbucks that would be convenient for you?”
If there was no response, it might be then appropriate to forward the whole shebang to Admissions (I can’t contact my interviewer, this is what happened, is there another alum interviewer in the area?)
But I agree with others that the parent should not have been involved, and that things like this happen.
“I drove kid to McDonalds in the end, and sat in the car; I could see into the lighted restaurant.”
What safety issue were you worried about in a public place? Is it normal for people who are up to no good to invite people to McD to molest them in public?
If your kid is going to U of Chicago (congrats!) she’d better get used to feeling comfortable in environments which aren’t sanitized suburbia.
"And I also cancelled what I needed to do in order to get kid back in time for interview, no interaction, no interference, no conversation: just did it. "
We all inconvenience ourselves for our kids. We don’t need medals for it.
"Bottom line is, there was inconvenience and trust from this end, and disrespect from the other. I get it we all have lives, but that goes all around. This event instilled problems in our family’s schedule "
This is what I mean by drama. You had a freaking appointment somewhere. I schlepped my kids an hour each way downtown several times for interviews when public transport wasn’t available or convenient. I didn’t describe it as “installing problems in our family’s schedule” because having appointments, etc is just part of life. The interviewers were in the drivers’ seat. Not my kids.
McDonald’s is not the equivalent of a sit down restaurant. It is very much a place where you are free to order as much or as little food as you would like. And just getting a drink there is quite acceptable.
I interview for an Ivy. We are instructed to meet in a public place. That’s SOP. Cancelling an hour before the seems like bad form to me short of an emergency but it happens. As for a scam–what possible benefit would there be. That said I don’t think the letter will make any difference to anyone–neither to your kid’s admission chances nor to the alumni interviewer.
I agree the interviewer should have been clear in canceling and should be following up to reschedule. (And while we will probably never know the reason I might even say it was rude depending on why he canceled). If you can’t reach the interviewer then reach out to the school to see if there is someone else’s. (Or rather your D should reach out)
But really the whole hangup with McDonald’s is odd to me. It was a perfectly valid location for an interview.
Not the OP, but both my kids had interviews at the interviewers’ houses (Harvard and MIT), one at an office (Brown), the rest were all at Starbucks. I once overheard an entire interview at a public library. I was in the room first and didn’t feel like leaving my comfortable arm chair, but it did not strike me as an ideal location. You can order just a drink at McDonald’s. No biggie.
My kids didn’t have driving licenses when they were in high school, so I often drove them to interviewer and at the house ones, I went to the door and asked when I should come back. (Cell phones weren’t ubiquitous when the older applied.)
Thanks, HRSMom - dropped it is. I don’t even think the rudeness is from the reschedule. It was from forgetting and not herself contacting the kid, and it was from interviewer’s failing to respond to kid’s attempts to address the problem, that is responses to her “oh, sorry, I forgot…”.
OTOH as many have noted, life happens and for all I know, it is a true 5-alarm emergency and she can’t respond, even after this time (4 days). So I’ll endeavor to get more understanding and patience. Thanks.
And BTW - in the delve-into-one’s-inner-feelings department, it’s not that I think McD’s is “low class” and that, say, I/we are not - it’s the feeling that there’s a presumption that low-income kids must be. So zobroward, no, I’m not joking. But I might be out-of-line at that. But if so, I believe the McDs in the part of town where the private schools are, are less sketch (actually, I suspect they simply don’t exist there)? All the same, I’m willing to believe I’m just totally off-base on that too. That’s the thing about being out-of-it; you don’t realize when and how much the world has changed. I’m not more proud of this stance, pizzagirl, than any of us is about any of our essential personality-bits; but it has perhaps underlain a misunderstanding that I didn’t really quite comprehend was even there. So while much of this discussion strikes me as needlessly mean, it is helpful nonetheless and I appreciate it. (e.g., it felt to me like McD’s was being taken advantage of for its low-end place on the “restaurant” spectrum (‘they’ll never know and what do they care’?), but actually I guess I see that’s really not the case.)