I’m overweight. Fat kid. All that. I’m clean and I wear nice clothes but I’m overweight. Will I be bullied if I go to BS?
I know it’s stupid but my dad’s worried about it. He thinks I won’t fit in because I’m chubby. When we visited, we didn’t see any other chubby kids so he was like… absurdly self-conscious. Is this an absurd worry?
Depends on the school. Look for a school with a deliberate culture of kindness and avoid ones that attract kids and families who are primarily concerned with status, prestige, and appearances.
What grade are you in? Are you bullied in your current school?
No way to predict. Some kids with traits that are typical targets of bullying have such great social skills that the trait is ignored. Some fit, great-looking, smart kids have terrible social skills and are bullied. There’s no way to predict.
In any case, does your extra weight have to be a permanent condition? Are you motivated to lose weight and get in shape—whether you go to BS or not?
Will you find a group with whom you can connect? Yes. Will all the social interactions at any BS be full of rainbows and unicorns? No. Will you be physically pummeled? Doubtful. But the classmates are all teenagers, with the same insecurities as those in the LPS. BS does not magically make its students mature and self-aware
@brantly It is not- I’ve been losing weight, slowly but steadily. But it’s kinda hard. I think I have good social skills and I’m not bullied at my current school but my dad’s sort of a worrier and he’s just worrying I’ll be out of my realm.
@skieurope Thank you for the comment, my dad’s just worried because the environment will be different than one of a low income school in Indiana- although I personally don’t think it won’t be all that different.
So this is more your dad’s worry than yours? Way to go, dad! /sarcasm.
Tell dad you’d like him to have more faith in you.
@brantly Trust me, I have. He’s just the stereotypical overprotective dad. Lol
It won’t be all that different.
I’ll also suggest, if you have not already, that you view any of the thousands of “It Gets Better” videos, because, trust me, it does get better.
https://www.youtube.com/user/itgetsbetterproject/featured
Also, if you attend a school that requires athletics you might actually end up fitter than you were previously. I did not say skinnier intentionally since being fit is more important. It’s too bad you Dad has it an issue. That said, I have seen kids of all frames at all the visits we went on. Many were fit but there were definitely kids who were not as well. What’s important is being healthy inside and out.
@randoomccuser21 That is not true. Kids put on their best face when they apply to boarding schools. There have been several instances of hazing and bullying at some of the best-regarded boarding schools. That is just one of the reasons why some of us parents urge applicants to look beyond prestige and try to understand school cultures, approaches to discipline and advising, etc.
@CaliMex Agreed, when I toured Choate and Loomis and Hotchkiss they all seemed they’d be fine but you can never know. I’ve always heard schools like Deerfield are a little more… traditional? if that makes sense, so I knew I wouldn’t be a great fit there.
I remember my son remarking once that a much lower percentage of students were overweight at his boarding school than at the local high school. But the percentage wasn’t zero, and teenage years being what they are, some kids gained or lost notable amounts of weight during high school. I’m sure they were not bullied because of it. As others have said, there is very little bullying at schools with a real culture of kindness. That doesn’t mean no one is ever nasty (again, teenage years being what they are) but you should be fine if you are at a school with a healthy and supportive culture.
@twinsmama That sounds good. I figured I’d be one of the only ones cause, and I don’t mean to be offensive in any way, but being overweight is more likely in lower class families like my own because of convenience and cheapness of foods while boarding schools generally have higher income and stuff, if that makes sense? Idk.
You’re right; socioeconomic and cultural factors are undoubtedly most of the cause for the difference. At one time, being overweight was a sign of wealth, in that it showed you could afford plenty of food. Nowadays, as you said, it’s often the reverse, because cheaper foods these days are more likely to make people fat. Also, poorer kids in some circumstances are less likely to get enough physical activity. However, if you go to boarding school, you will have healthy, fresh food and a physical activity requirement (and don’t worry, there are always some low-pressure options). Good luck!
You sound like a great kid! Be yourself. My guess is that if you are doing fine socially now, you will be just fine wherever you go.
Thank you everyone! I’m looking forward to boarding school just for that, honestly.
From what I’ve witnessed, I’m inclined to agree with those who have provided a generally positive image of what you’re likely to encounter. I think it’s fair to say that most top schools try to filter for positive personality characteristics to at least some degree, and that filtering (as imperfect as any filter is likely to be) can only work to your benefit. From the outside looking in, I’ve seen kids of every size, color, gender, and sexual orientation who appear to be very popular, and I think students make some effort to police one another about any truly boorish behavior. But, as others have said, I would not expect any dramatic shift in how you are currently treated by peers. While I think the schools are generally populated with good kids, it’s still high school, and no school is perfect.
I almost never surf the cafe, and I see this thread has been dormant a while, but I’ll add my anecdote as additional encouragement for @CavsFan2003 and anyone else who reads this thread with the same concern.
ChoatieKid was pudgy when he enter BS. He had zero athletics prior. He worried about the sports requirement because, not only had he never played a sport or thrown a ball, he never watched sports or had any interest. When he had to choose an activity at BS, he looked at the physiques of the rowers and thought, “I want to look like that!” Believe me, he had a long way to go but, by the end of freshman year, we hardly recognized the kid we’d dropped off in September. He stuck with rowing and made the varsity team his junior year. He got that physique. Then, he chose the military for college and has had to pass the Army Physical Fitness Test (APFT) multiple times a year. Fail it twice in row, you get separated; fail before graduation, you don’t graduate. Fitness is an ingrained part of his life now.
The point I want to make, @CavsFan2003, is that not all kids at BS are fit but BS will give you the opportunity and encouragement to work on that if it’s important to you and you are determined. I think it took courage for our formerly bullied out-of-shape son to show up for crew, but he said that no one made fun of him or made him feel unwelcome. In fact, the experienced rowers were very patient with him, and it was their kindness and encouragement that helped him stick with it. We were so impressed by their inclusiveness, but I don’t believe this ethic is unique to crew. I have said many times on this board that rowing was the greatest thing our son got from boarding school. Given how transformative it was for him, it trumped the academics by far. He didn’t have to work anywhere near as hard on his schoolwork as he did on his body, and his teammates encouraged him every step of the way.
One other point I’ll make is that the years from 14 to 18 cover a lot of physical growth, especially for boys. Coupled with even moderate activity and good diet, those extra inches can give you a big boost.
Good luck, @CavsFan2003. I hope you reach all your goals.
@ChoatieMom Thank you for the comment! I really appreciated it. Tell ChoatieKid I say good job lol (or don’t, but I’m hoping I make a transformation like him lol)
I’m definitely excited about the healthy food and sports factor of BS. I participate in sports but none that make me super cut and healthy food is an issue at home. My dad was just laid off so we’re in broke mode, so dinner’s been Kraft macaroni and cheese and Hamburger Helper—good enough to eat, but can’t say it’s healthy lol but having the resources (and being forced to at BS) sounds like it’d make me a lot healthier
I’m waiting for the growth spurt, lol, hopefully it’ll come. Rowing seems like an awesome sport! I love kayaking and boating, whenever I go camping I always make sure to rent a kayak or a canoe and I spend a few hours on the lake/river. I definitely won’t say I’m good enough to compete but I do enjoy rowing boats casually!
Again thank you very much, I really appreciated your anecdote. 
@ChoatieMom what a great story! I am hoping that the schools my daughter is applying to have kids like that.