what about this topic?

Applying to College
1

<p>i am a chinese girl stud
and i wrote in my essay about my experience when i had my 15-day army training during the summer between grade 9 and 10. actually my essay is a descriptive one since i heard a lot that AO expects all applicants to tell not show. i dont use CLICHE ending. My essay is just a complete story about night walking during army training.</p>

<p>i guess i could represent the disiplined and careful aspect of me. what do u think this topic?</p>

<p>cliche?unique?interesting?or boring?</p>

2

<p>personally, i hate essays that try to sum up one lesson that the person has learned. Use a story that shows who you are as a person, not just one thing you learned from a specific event.</p>

<p>An army thing could be cool, but I'd kind of have to know where you were planning on going with it to give you more advice.</p>

3

<p>"i heard a lot that AO expects all applicants to tell not show."</p>

<p>it's SHOW not TELL.</p>

4

<p>i agree- show not tell is crucial to a good story and personal essay.</p>

<p>you probably just got your wording mixed up... it happens :)</p>

5

<p>i dont TELL a lesson i learnet from army training
its just a story happening during training
a story which could show me some aspects
i dont use cliches or some babbling thing, like "i learn ~~~~~"or"i understand~~~~"actually there is nothing like them in my essay. i just describe a personal story, an unusual experience i believe not everybody has ever experienced.</p>

<p>yEAH, WORDING mixed up. sorry about that</p>