<p>Final decision week, what did you tell your child in the end on choosing a school? Should I tell her to go with the school she is most excited about ? Should I tell her to consider practicalities even if she is not as excited? Love to hear your thoughts.
UNC vs. UGA for us. Scholarships basically equalize financial obligations.
Distance and academics are biggest influence to her....If she chooses closer school UGA though, she doesn't seem excited.</p>
<p>It's so hard. I have my lips buttoned at the moment. (I might add that my opinion has not been requested either. ;) ) </p>
<p>I'm so undecided myself...I just don't want to be responsible for the decision.</p>
<p>ARRGGHHH</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>i agree. i do not want to make the decision but i have given her some information to consider b/c i don't want to be accused of withholding. </p>
<p>In the end it is HER decision. I think i would be second guessing in my head either one. </p>
<p>Since i have given her when she was leaning one direction and now she is uncertain again, i do wonder if i should say knowing all you know, go with the one you are most excited about....and then go for it!!!</p>
<p>My son chose UMCP over UDel despite liking the campus and people at UDel better because he had heard from several sources that UMCP had a better department in his major (which is true). I was not certain this was the better decision, but I kept my mouth shut. He is now a junior and is happy he went to UMCP.</p>
<p>My daughter chose to apply ED to Cornell despite having an interest in a more selective college because she wanted to maximize her chances of ED admission and she liked (but did not love) Cornell. I was not certain this was the better decision, but I kept my mouth shut. She was admitted and is pleased with the result.</p>
<p>It seems that my college major is keeping my mouth shut.</p>
<p>One complication is that her older sis is at UNC and she is considering transferring out. If it was a part of her decision that sis would be there she needed to know to factor that out....so i felt like she had to know that to make a full informed decision instead of her getting there depending on sis to be there and she leaves. Uggh. I wanted to just stay out of it....although I knew that was something she had to know. I suggested they talk about this.</p>
<p>Atlmom, I've been reading your posts, and I think that you may need to take a deep breath, maybe a bubble bath, and let your D think about this for awhile.
Telling her to contact her sister was, I think, the right thing to do. If sis is thinking about leaving UNC, and D at home didn't know that, she did need to be told that, with suggestion to talk to sister directly.
Given that the 2 schools are both in driving distance, and there will be plenty of kids to carpool to UNC, then I think she's aware of the distance and logistic considerations, so I'm don't believe you have to tell her about that.
That leaves her medical issues. When she is 18, you won't have any "official" input into her medical issues, whether she's at UGA or UNC, she has to give you permission to receive any info. You will have to decide what you need to say about the med problems, but understanding that she will probably be responsible for herself wherever she goes.</p>
<p>I have a friend that did this.....One schoolday, she had her daughter "imagine" that she had accepted at school #1...she wore the school colors, looked over their course catalogue, etc. Mom woke her up with the school fight song, served dinner on plates of the school colors, etc. The next schoolday, she "imagained" that she accepted school #2 and did all the aforementioned things for that school. It seemed to clarify for her daughter which school she was most excited about attending.</p>
<p>Good luck to you and your daughter, Altmom!</p>
<p>The advice I gave at the end was choose wisely, you're about to make a four year commitment that you can't 6 months from now tell me you'e made a mistake. </p>
<p>And the simple advice "college is what YOU make it to be."</p>
<p>I would recommend that you not give her specific advice in the end. </p>
<p>If there is something important that she doesn't know but should, inform her of that. Like you did with the information about her sister.</p>
<p>Otherwise, imho, don't tell her to consider practicalities, or excitement, or anything else. She knows the issues, so imo let her make up her own mind.</p>
<p>Our son had his heart set for many years on a military academy. He was offered an appointment but eventually decided to accept an rotc scholarship elsewhere. It was very difficult for us to keep our mouths shut and watch him decline what he had wanted for so many years. But, now, two years later, it is quite clear that he made the right decision for him.</p>
<p>you know what has happened this a.m. at Va. Tech makes me realize that this is trivial....we are blessed to be able to have a choice at all and I will be supportive no matter what. THanks guys.</p>
<p>sonicmom, i love that idea, if i only knew the songs!!!</p>
<p>Advice to D:</p>
<p>Judge a guy by how he treats people he doesn't have to be nice to: waitresses, children, street people, postal clerks.</p>
<p>Cut cards.</p>
<p>Mix your pitches: fastballs up and in, sliders low and away.</p>
<p>Don't get pregnant before you're ready for that stage of life. How you accomplish that is up to you.</p>
<p>Be more cautious than I was in my youth about acquiring debt.</p>
<p>Use your heart and mind to cross-check each other.</p>
<p>Not much advice there about choosing schools. Except maybe the bit about letting heart and mind cross-check each other...it seems the OP's D may not have her heart in U/GA.</p>
<p>D was torn between two finalist schools. One week she was headed to one, the next she had decided on the other.</p>
<p>When my opinion was solicited, my response was
"It's your life. There is no way I would try to "steer" you one way or the other. That would only expose me to comments such as "I should never have listened to you" if you should regret your choice in the future."
I was motivated purely by self-protection LOL.</p>
<p>She ended up going with her heart, and I actually think it was a good decision from the mind perspective as well. None of us had any regrets.</p>
<p>I like TheDad's first piece of advice but would not limit it to the evaluation of guys. Makes sense for women as well.</p>
<p>we set the financial parameters junior year and left all the rest up to our son. it worked out great.</p>
<p>When my daughter was trying to make her final selection two years ago and she was absolutely torn between two schools, I asked her to imagine herself ten years in the future and to think about which choice she would regret most not having made. </p>
<p>That was all it took to help her decide. She selected the "reach" school instead of the "safety" that she had been leaning towards. And it turned out to be the right choice for her and one she has never regretted. </p>
<p>It may not work for anyone else, but perhaps it is worth the try.</p>
<p>I titled my last book based on it, and had it painted on a set of coffee mugs I gave her:</p>
<p>the essay ends with the words:</p>
<p>Have Fun.
Learn Stuff.
Grow.</p>
<p>I agree with all the others who prefer to stay out of the decision as much as possible. However, if she <em>had</em> been internally divided and <em>had</em> turned to me for guidance, the kind of guidance I would have offered would be to help her clarifiy her own priorities, and to probe her own perceptions about the pros and cons.<br>
("What is it that you like about __<strong><em>?" What do you prefer about _</em></strong>")</p>
<p>It would be to help her sort out the reasons for her conflicting views & help her describe the differences. Often discussions like that get people to emote more strongly one way or another.</p>
<p>If she still ended up evenly divided, I would take something similar to TheDad's approach. (Since it's your decision, and since they both look equal, no decision will be the wrong decision.)</p>
<p>Epiphany, I like your approach but really didn't have to go there. Giving them questions to answer for themselves is a great idea. Ditto LP75's "imagine yourself ten years from now."</p>
<p>For us, it was all about having lots of discussions prior to the choosing and application stages. We sorted out the financial stuff first... "If we pay full sticker price, you'd have to be your own for grad school," you know the drill! </p>
<p>Then S and we (as a team) researched and visited tons of schools, finally honing it down to six which we as parents were willing to pay for and at which S believed he would be happy and would thrive for four years. That included the safeties, so that whichever S ultimately chose, we'd all be okiedokie with his decision. <em>His</em> decision.</p>
<p>Turns out he got accepted into all the schools to which he applied and was awarded merit money from most. Accepted student day cinched the deal <em>not</em> for the reach school with the higher car sticker and teeshirt prestige, but the school that he believed was the best fit <em>for him.</em> He didn't ask for our opinion and we didn't offer it, except we hugged him and told him we respected his decision and were excited for him. (If only the relatives and some of his status-seeking peers would do the same.)</p>
<p>Yeah, TheDad always has the best advice, and I agree that the choice comes down to using one's heart and mind to cross-check each other. But it's not my heart and mind, it's my S's. I honestly believe that pushing him one way or another with this critical decision would undermine the letting go process that all of us need to work our way through.</p>
<p>So, choose the schools wisely and at the end of the day, you really can't go wrong. :)</p>
<p>4 years ago, our son was absolutely at a loss in choosing between his safety and his reach--he liked the kids and the atmosphere, very much at both, but he was afraid that he "wouldn't have enough fun" at the reach. He really looked to us--and asked us directly--which school he should attend. We were so clear that the reach would be a better choice that we told him he would be crazy not to go, and would regret it if he chose the safety, even though we were sure he would be happy there, too. Now he's about to graduate from the reach and he has had a WONDERFUL 4 years--including PLENTY of fun.</p>