<p>Dg5052, that is a perfect example of a pet point of mine - it is very important to KNOW YOUR CHILD. CC is full of excellent advice and excellent ideas, but each reader has to sift through those suggestions to come up with the one that fits his situation. ALso, what works for your kid at one point, may not be the right solution at another point in the process.
I'm also in the hands off camp at this point, but there is always an exception, and if my D had straight out asked what my opinion was, in an adult fashion, and I had an opinion (that's a laugh, me, without an opinion!), I probably would have told her. The majority solution does not fit every problem.</p>
<p>Oh I know you didn't have to go there, TD. I just assumed you <em>would</em> have approached it that way, if necessary.</p>
<p>I also like the approach in post #19. I think we had some of these conversations too, but more indirectly. Yet being quite direct & purposeful with such discussions in the earlier stages ain't half bad.</p>
<p>My D had 6 choices, west coast, east coast, TX and Canada. Four of them were too close in $ for it to be a consideration, we were encouraging the fit we saw on the east coast school, but D was sure she wanted to west coast school- why? Because she did not want to go that far away, and, despite so many things about it which were not a fit, that was the right decision for her, for sure. She is very connected to her family, we can visit there, she can get home more and friends can visit more, because it is in a general region where people go.</p>
<p>It seemed like a weak reason to choose back then, but it has been the right choice for her, but the agonizing lasted all of April. We told her to go with her gut as to which aspect of fit was critical- each school had some areas of fit and some miss, so D had to decide what she needed and she chose wisely, for her.</p>
<p>I told my D she has two great choices. Having laid out all of the issues that I was informed about....I am allowing her to make an informed decision. I think it is very impt these freshmen, go in, realizing that these schools are not perfect despite all you hear...."oh its great" Oh you will love it there....you might not be like that person but its still a good school. Or it might take a little longer for you to fall in love. She worries that she is somewhat geeky and not a partier like most....so she won't find her type at college. That is what ECs are for....finding those like you.</p>
<p>S is down to 2 schools. One is my and hubby's alma mater. Hubby & S visited the non-alma two weeks ago, and we both went to alma-mater last week. Today son made a 1 1/2 page list of traits about both schools, and put check marks next to the "winner" on each trait. Alma Mater won, 21-13. He says he is 90% sure he will go there. It is slightly more higly rated, but also further from home and more expensive (non-alma gave him $10k/year). </p>
<p>I fear that his decision may have been influenced my our (read: MY) enthusiasm during the visit to alma mater. I told him that just because hubby and I loved it there 30 years ago doesn't mean it's the right place for him now, but I'm not sure that message got thru. It was clearly obvious that I really love alma mater when we were there.</p>
<p>Maybe I'm just doing the panicking mom thing, oh-my-gosh he's really leaving home and going 5 hours away. Alma mater is a great school and I can see S there. It's just that he was originally enthralled with non-alma and I'm afraid I may have influenced him more than he realizes, and he may not be making this decision entirely based on his own opinions.</p>
<p>So why am I (her Mom) having all these sleepless nights, she wants to go to a private college, (28 grand a year) to be a teacher??? Is it my responsibility as a parent not to let her get in over her head in debt, whne all is said and done $100,000+ to get out of school and be a 4th grade teacher! She tells me it's an investment....help, maybe i need a bottle of wine and a good night sleep...not to mention the ball dress, the limo, the cap and gown and the graduation party...help!!!!!</p>
<p>Pick a college we can afford. Sorry but that was my advice to my children.
None of them made an outrageous financial demand.</p>
<p>Rascal, I completely understand your position. I also think it's foolish to incur a lot of debt to become a teacher. Will YOU go into debt if she chooses the private? If so, you need to make your own decision about the wisdom of such an action and if you decide NO, then tell her quickly. Will your D incur debt to attend the private school? It is your responsibility to warn her about the dangers of debt she will carry for a long time, but ultimately the decision to carry the debt is hers.</p>
<p>My kid didn't take my advice ("take the scholarship"). He took Dad's.</p>
<p>In the end, my advice is always the same: Mind your manners.
Stand up straight. Look 'em in the eye. Smile. Do your best. Don't forget to write. And stay off the video games.</p>
<p>rascal--I hear you. You can just say "No" to that.</p>
<p>rascal: She won't be able to personally that much money. It will fall to you, her parents. So, it seems to me, that you have a perfect right to rule that out right now.</p>
<p>Daughter has to decide between two school in the top 20 with very little scholarship and two full rides ranked lower (one is stateU). We visited all of them twice. She sat in on classes, talked to students, visited with professors, ate their food, went to the info sessions, etc. etc. Was still undecided.</p>
<p>Then I came across a wise post from a fellow CCer. I wish I had written down the "name" of the poster, so I could give them credit. It said, "In hopes that it might be of use to those in decision quandaries, I thought I would share a decision rubric which has served me well............" I made up the chart as outlined and she filled in the "points". One school came out clearly ahead. </p>
<p>D was still worried whether said school would be too difficulty for her(?!?!?-pre college jitters??) I used a sheet provided by said school to e-mail parents of present students at the college (who agreed to be contacted) who live in smaller cities the size of ours and had kids who had attended public high schools. They extoled the wonderful education their children were receiving and all agreed D would have no problem academically (and if by chance she did, there were great tutoring services). </p>
<p>**So, in the end, we provided transportation, served as a sounding board, morale booster, kleenex provider, information seeker, and as always, her most enthuiastic supporters. As others have mentioned doing, she plans to "let the school rattle around in my subconscious for a couple of days - I'll tell myself that is my college, picture myself in class, walking on campus, and see how that makes me feel." Keeping my mouth shut is not my strong point, so I am rather pleased with myself as it has come down to the wire. I wasn't so good about it in the beginning, but I am learning.</p>
<p>Well today, I heard D ask her 14 year old brother as to which school he thought she should attend. He said that he did not think that State school and its party rep would be something she would like. She still hasn't asked for MY or MY husband's input.
Tonight we are attending a reception for accepted students at UNC, where she can see who else is going from Atlanta and give her an oppty for to mix with them.</p>
<p>A year ago my D had to decide between 2 schools. Initially she kept saying she liked them both and hadn't made up her mind -- but, with a mother's intuition, I knew she was leaning more towards one. The draw there was she could do a D1 sport that the other school didn't have as a varsity sport. (Although she was not accepted on athletics.) I kept my mouth shut; H kept asking her for decision. She went to both revisit days, back to back, and asked the same questions both places, specifically about her planned major and the support system in place for her future plans. I kept my mouth shut; H. kept asking. We bought and all read the "inside scoop" books for both schools (pretty much a waste of $) -- she was still undecided. She wore the sweatshirt for each school for a few days. I kept my mouth shut; husband kept asking. Finally, my H, the ultimate evaluator, strategical planner/thinker, made her do a list of what each school was better at, compared to the other. When it was all said and done, about the only thing on the list for the one school was the D1 sports opportunity. She's almost always been rational and mature beyond her years, and realized sports alone wasn't the reason to pick a college. So, here we are a year later -- she's extremely happy, found a completely different athletic outlet (club sport, but quite intense), and hardly remembers why she had trouble deciding. Me? I just kept my mouth shut! :)</p>