<p>This is another one of those relationships threads. What makes this one different, is that I don't know what I'm doing wrong when I ask girls. I can go as far back as 8th grade when I first asked a girl out and that ended up being the hardest rejection ever. Took a while to bounce back but I did ask some girls out here and there, usually some lame excuse always comes up. Met a girl last year who I met up with once and talked to on the phone. Next thing you know when I asked her out I got all these weird excuses such as "Sorry can't I have [insert random activity] to do that day." I kept trying though I mean you fall down and get back up. To no avail. At some point she just stopped answering my calls and I simply didnt care anymore either so I moved on. This year met a couple of girls as well. Got their numbers and everything. Talked to em here and there. Ask em to go get something to eat and they reply "no I'm doing [insert lame excuse]." A couple of weeks into school I met this girl I really liked. We talked a lot. One day we ended up getting somethin to eat. Eventually got her number. And asked her to get something to eat a couple of times after that. Nothing too serious. But something would always come up when I would ask her after that first time we went to get something to eat. Heck I asked her recently what she was doing over the weekend and she tells me she has some things to do. Regardless I proceed to ask her to go to an event with me. She said that she was going to be busy doing her homework (it required her to study human behavior in the streets). So I said, alright then maybe I could keep you company so you won't be as bored, etc. You figure what else could she say. 'I don't think anyone would want to be bored as I took notes, blah blah blah.' And I insisted saying I didn't mind plus it would make things go faster and its never boring when your out in the city. To no avail, she said she wasn't too sure because she might also do it before the weekend when she goes to visit her friend in the city as well and she'd be able to do the work on the way to her friend's. At that point, I just said f-this, in my head of course. Told her it's cool, the invite to the event in the weekend was still open, and to let me know if she changed her mind.</p>
<p>I know I'm being real general here but I rather not get into any more details unless something isn't really clear. Excuse my writing as well.</p>
<p>Anyways I just don't get it. I don't know what it is that I'm doing wrong. That last event I describe is the most recent turn down. I've had a bunch of others that at this point I just can't remember. I just don't get it. What could I possibly be doing wrong. I talk to this girl frequently and it just makes no sense.</p>
<p>I've been asking my friend and even he can't explain it. I mean I understand people get rejected all the time but not every time. This is just insane. Sometimes I don't even feel like asking girls out because of this crap. I'm just tired of hearing lame excuses. We can assume for a second that they aren't lame excuses, that they really do have something that's coming up, but if that is the case then I must just have the worst luck in the world when picking times to ask girls out.</p>
<p>I don't want advice on how to approach girls. I dont need advice on how to talk to them. I just want to know what the hell I'm doing wrong? What freaking gives?!?!?</p>
<p>I'm no relationship expert, but perhaps you can take all your steps even more gradually? Start out in groups and make sure you're strong friends before actually pursuing a relationship. :) Good luck!</p>
<p>Well part of the problem before was that I woul give up too soon and not continue to ask them out. So it's not like I'm all over this girl or anything like that. If I were bugging her I'd know it. If that were the case she also wouldn't even talk to me.</p>
<p>I suppose ugly all depends on the person, but it isn't like I haven't had people interested in me. I don't look like some model but I'm not an unpleasant sight to look at either. Heck I've had girls in the past say I look handsome. I'd probably put myself somewhere in the middle.</p>
<p>As far as personality, how is it possible to have a horrible personality but yet be nice at the same time? What exactly do you mean by this?</p>
<p>And I don't really know her friends, and she doesn't know mine so getting together in a group of friends would be weird although I certainly wouldn't oppose to it. Just more people I'd get to know.</p>
<p>Maybe I can try asking her and her roommate to the movie theatre. She did say that her roommate was looking to see that Jackass movie. If anything I'll get a good laugh out of it.</p>
<p>You are right about one thing - this is a mystery to me. I'd like to get this figured out. It's just frustrating.</p>
<p>The below indicate to me that you're being too aggressive. Just because you are attracted to a girl, and she talks to you on the phone doesn't mean she wants to date you.</p>
<p>If you ask her out and she gives a lame excuse, move on. If she's interested in you, but has to turn you down because of something else, she'll let you know, and she'll give you an excuse that sounds reasonable. She may offer another time that she's available or she may ask you out or suggest something that you can do together.</p>
<p>My advice is to look for clearer signs that a girl is interested in you before you ask her out. From what you've posted, you're coming across as a stalker, and also are pursuing girls who aren't romantically interested in you.</p>
<p>Since all kinds of people are able to get romantic partners, I doubt that it's your looks that are causing these problems. I think that you should just get to know girls for a longer period, and wait for some clear signals of interest before you ask them out.</p>
<p>I've also heard that many teens and college students now prefer to do activities in co-ed groups instead of going on dates. Many feel that takes the pressure off of feeling obligated to have sex or to pursue a romance when they don't know a person that well.</p>
<p>"Met a girl last year who I met up with once and talked to on the phone. Next thing you know when I asked her out I got all these weird excuses such as "Sorry can't I have [insert random activity] to do that day." I kept trying though I mean you fall down and get back up. To no avail. At some point she just stopped answering my calls and I simply didnt care anymore either so I moved on."</p>
<p>"A couple of weeks into school I met this girl I really liked. We talked a lot. One day we ended up getting somethin to eat. Eventually got her number. And asked her to get something to eat a couple of times after that. Nothing too serious. But something would always come up when I would ask her after that first time we went to get something to eat. Heck I asked her recently what she was doing over the weekend and she tells me she has some things to do."</p>
<p>You may have a valid point. Maybe I am being too aggressive although if anything I've always thought I was never aggressive enough just from seeing fmy friends get with girls.</p>
<p>I do want you to realize though that a lot of time did pass on before I even made an attempt to ask some of these girls out. This girl that I recently met though I may have pulled the trigger too soon though. I'll just look for someone else.</p>
<p>And if you don't mind me asking, what exactly are the clearer signs I should be looking out for? Sometimes I think I'm getting the signs and then other times I feel like I'm not. So what signs should I be looking out for? What do they indicate?</p>
<p>I will take your advice though and not ask a girl out. Now should I be waiting til the girl asks me out? Or should I wait a couple of months before I make any attempt to even ask her out? (Although if it's the latter by that time I may have lost interest in her or she would already see me as a 'friend' which means the relationship goes nowhere.)</p>
<p>If they'll go out with you once, but not again, something turned them off during the first experience. Think about what you're saying or doing. It could be too naggressive, you could be nervous and not great at keeping a conversation going, or any number of things. </p>
<p>The ugly theory would not result in getting phone numbers. Something is happening later.</p>
<p>do you hog the conversation
do you not talk enough
do you talk with your mouth open- no joke, bad table manners is a big turnoff
are you too pushy- you talk about relationships going no where - when there is no relationship
what do you talk about when together- what are your interests? what are the lady's?
are you a gentleman on the date?</p>
<p>tell us what happens when you go out, and we can give you more insight</p>
<p>do you have any girls that are just friends? what do they say?</p>
<p>You probably seem unconfident and akward. Maybe you even somehow project that you've been rejected a lot.
This is a girl's perspective, and you wouldn't be getting numbers if you were ugly or had a bad personality.
Or you seem needy/clingy</p>
<p>woah, dude, you need to calm down. If I were that girl, I'd be seriously freaked out. Now I know what they mean when they say men and women really are from different planets. </p>
<p>Let me say this, if a girl is interested in you, she'll make time. Likewise for guys. I'm sure you'll meet someone decent eventually.</p>
<p>Are you creepy? Often guys are too pushy and hang around too much... just plain being creepy. Take a step back, make the girl want you instead of actively pursuing her.</p>
<p>OP, go to your college counseling center and see what workshops they offer. Most colleges have a workshop in relationship skills (or something approximating that; names may differ). Take it. You'll have a chance to role-play asking girls out, being on a date, etc. and you'll get feedback about what other people think of what you're saying & doing. Out here, from your descriptions, it's going to be difficult to figure out what's going on, but when you do the workshops you'll get honest feedback from people who see what's happening.</p>
<p>Think about the conversation. Do you subconsciously brag in order to try to impress her? Do you sound insincere? Desperate? Just be yourself.</p>
<p>Also, don't think too much about 'pursuing' the girl or the potential relationship between you and her. Just try to get to know her better without any motives. If you end up together--great!, if you end up as friends--still good. If you never even get to talk to her again, then it was still worth it for the experience and just for practice.</p>
<p>Try asking one of your female friends why you get rejected so often, since girls pick up on a lot of stuff that guys normally wouldn't care to notice.</p>
<p>bobby100: i probably should have mentioned that with this girl when we first ate we almost got something to eat the next week as well. i kind of blew that one though and it was entirely my fault. but no luck since.</p>
<p>as far as conversation goes, i keep it going as far as it can reasonably go. i make sure that the girl is the one mostly talking but that at the same time she doesn't feel like she's doing all the talking if that makes any sense. so yes i do talk as well. it's not like there is not any conversation going on.</p>
<p>Nervous, perhaps. But I never felt more relaxed talking to a girl and asking them to go eat something than before. The initial asking out part may have been the point where I got the most nervous but that's it. I felt mostly comfortable.</p>
<p>Maybe something did turn them off that first time. I wouldn't know what though. I wish I could. :/</p>