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Females can sense a lack of confidence not just by what you say, but also by your body language. Once you build that self-respect, your confidence rises. It is quite amazing how many people are attracted to the confidence; the bad side is that you do not want to appear arrogant.
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There's a lot to this. I think that for a lot of guys its game-over before they've said a word, just their body language. And this is part of our everyday experience; how often have you looked at a stranger and quickly formed an impression of how sociable they are?</p>
<p>There is a great book called "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell that is about this quick impression way of knowing things. One example he cites should be pretty interesting for a college crowd. Every semester you fill out an evaluation of the prof after months of classes. Researchers wondered how long a videotape of the prof students would have to see to come to the same conclusions as the class. The clips were silent and they started with a few minutes; evaluations were dead-on. They kept cutting back, then back some more. Believe it or not, if a group of people see a clip that is just 3 seconds long they can then fill out a prof evaluation that's pretty much the same as what the real class says!</p>
<p>golly gee whillikers. I always tell myself "This is my last post ever... why do I visit this site anymore ..." etc. Then, inevitably, hilarious discussions like this one pop up and I can't tear myself away.</p>
<p>Stop now if you can't handle the truth, OP.</p>
<p>Desperation is not sexy to anyone, anywhere, ever!</p>
<p>Don't be a wuss and give in to this girl you hardly know just to go out on a date with her. You say you would watch her study. You're one step away from being an uber stalker that watches your girl study while breathing heavily with a serial killer grin plastered on your dopey face.</p>
<p>Don't let anyone walk all over you. Not only will it hurt your ego, it will make any girl lose all the respect she has for you.</p>
<p>Be a man. I've got a plan for you.</p>
<p>For the next few weeks don't speak to her, unless you say hi or such. If you still find her interesting after that tell her that you are going to go grab some grub and have a good time, and she is allowed to join you.</p>
<p>If she starts making up excuses, forget her, she's just not into you. Move on.</p>
<p>You're the one that still hasn't figured out that I didn't go to his site even though I've already posted that I haven't. </p>
<p>I was wrong about the age thing since you have a birth date in the 70s listed here, but whatever. The facebook thing's unnecessary because I really don't care that much (nor do I care enough to prove to you that I'm not fat, ugly, and a reject). </p>
<p>I just can't figure out why you care so much that I think a guy whose claim to fame is sleeping with over a thousand women is pathetic. It doesn't make me bitter, fat, ugly, or lonely, it just indicates that I don't hop into bed with any offer that comes my way (and that I don't like overly cocky guys). Anyone that looks half-way decent and isn't a complete social reject can sleep with a large number of people...that kind of thing really doesn't make you special.</p>
<p>::edit::</p>
<p>But BP, I really think that's a better attitude to have about girls. Just let the whole dating thing be more mutual instead of you doing all the work. It seems to me that a lot of girls (myself included) kind of lose interest in a guy if we get the date/attention too easily. The fun parts of dating are the chase, getting to know each other and not knowing exactly what's going to happen next. At least to me...I dunno.</p>
<p>BP- First off, This girl is SO not into you (which has already been well established in this thread.) I'd advise that you move on from her completely- Don't talk to her anymore, even if she comes to you.</p>
<p>Also, you try way to hard and you're way to available/predictable. Getting girls interested in you is all about knowing what to say to them, when to say it and how to say it to them. The typical mundane stuff doesn't cut it man, they hear this **** every single ****ing day. Get them to open up and talk about their FEELINGS (this is how you'll find out if you two really mesh or not.) Now I'm not saying pretend to be interested in what they have to talk about, you should be genuinely interested. </p>
<p>As for knowing what to say? if you listen to women closely, they give you all the answers. Ask questions that can't be answered with a one word answer. "how's it going?" ilicits a one word response, but "tell me what you did today?" requires a more elaborate answer. This isn't the greatest example, but lets says she says "I went tanning, shopping, and I'm going to the club later tonight"- She just gave you THREE things to talk about. Don't make it sound like an interview, ask her what shes likes about these things- get her to talk about how they make her feel. This is actually a tough skill to learn if you're not naturally good with conversation- so my advice to you is to talk to as many random girls as you can. This is gonna make me sound like a bigger douche bag then Tucker Max (He does know what he's talking about though) but I'd start off by talking with less attractive girls since you won't be intimidated by them. </p>
<p>Some one in this thread mentioned body language and I can't stress how important this is. Make sure that you don't slouch, always keep your head up and maintain eye contact with the chick you're talking with. Right away you'll come off as alot more confident then you are right now, and trust me, you'll feel more confident too. Also, make sure that you take care of your self and dress well. Girls notice these things (I wore a new pair of shoes the other day, the only people who noticed were female.)</p>
<p>The next time you get a girls phone number, DO NOT call her the same day. Give it a few days, make her wait. Keep inital phone conversations short, let her know that you've got other things to do which are more important then talking to her. </p>
<p>I go to Fordham Rose Hill (and am currently thinking about joining the crew team), and I must admit that it does seem hard for commuters. There is the commuter lounge though.. have you ever stepped in there on occasion?
About the housing, I'm sure something will open up as many people transfer etc. If this makes you feel any better, I live in New Rochelle, NY (10 min away from rose hill) and I'm dorming. Something will definitely open up.
There are so many clubs and activities at Fordham-- there has to be SOMETHING you enjoy. Like to write at all? Join the paper- always in need of a few writers and you can write as frequently or infrequently as you want. There are music clubs-- its not all politics and religion.. guitar club.. hip-hop.. anything you want, really.
As for the girls, I can understand. I must admit that I have seen my fair share of materialistic girls that rely on daddy for everything and its disappointing, but I did have a very nice relationship last yr., freshman yr, (we broke up 'cause of distance over the summer etc). Am I ugly? No. Am I outgoing? Not incredibly. So how did I get a date? I made TIME to be with her and things eventually got going. Yes, commuting may take up a large chunk of this time but I've been incredibly busy between classes and running home to take care of personal issues etc. and yet I still managed to have a great relationship. Like everyone else said, don't be too agressive in trying to find someone-- introduce youself etc. etc., and then let time run its course.. let her call you.. she will if she's interested.
Again, how do you meet this girl? The answer is simple. Join a club. The clubs really are flexible and will most likely work with your schedule. Also, the workload at Fordham is demanding but any intelligent person can manage a decent GPA while having jobs and good social life. It's all very possible... things will fall into place... you just have to #1- relax and #2 take action.</p>
<p>"no i'm not fat. if you would have read you would have known that between commuting, classes, and work i have no breaks. that's at least 8-10 hrs sometimes without anything to eat. you try going an entire day like that. you're going to want to eat."</p>
<p>This should be obvious: Bring food and eat it between classes and while you're commuting. You yourself said that you have a one-hour commute each way. That's the perfect time to eat, particularly since you're commuting by public transportation.</p>
<p>What continues to come through loud and clear in your posts is a negative attitude along with a "poor me" one. That's a turnoff for prospective friends and romantic partners.</p>
<p>as obvious as that may sound it's not as easy to do. my backpack is filled. the couple of times I've brought food and put it in my backpack it's been squished. (and before you say then it's obvious i have to take books out, i've already tried that. i take the minimal amount of books to class and my laptop but it's still full.) normally what I do, aside from drinking like 2 bottles of water, i'll bring a nutrition bar and depending on how much money i have (i just can't buy something everyday it's $$$ i don't have) i'll buy something as soon as i get out of work or on some ocassions (rarely) my boss will let me order food from outside. even when i order from outside i don't have nearly as much time to eat it because my boss is on my case. i had some secretary yell at me last week when i ordered food from outside. felt like slapping that old rag. btw in some classes my teachers don't like students eating.
my one-hr commute is sleep time for me. it's something i've trained myself to do to avoid getting up for people and seeing/hearing all the people on the bus. even when i'm on full rest i sleep on the bus (or at the very least pretend I am so no bothers me). unless i go inside the bus say with a slice and soda i'll be sleeping right away. either way when i do get on that bus i know once i get home i'll be able to eat so there's really no point in eating in the bus when i have a meal waiting for me at home.
and yes i try to eat breakfast when i get the chance. not always but sometimes.</p>
<p>aselig1: i have stepped into the commuter lounge a couple of times. i don't spend much time there though.
I don't like to write. Only do it when I have to for class. I lost interest in music a while back - rarely listen to it even when I'm home. A couple of years back I did take some piano classes. Those were fun because I always wanted to learn how to play the piano. I wish I could still take them but everywhere I see the private classes are pretty damn expensive.
Btw as for that GPA I think I just screwed up a couple of my midterms (I know I failed one for sure) which make up 25-35% of my final grades (I've heard I'm lucky compared to other students that have the midterm count for more towards their final grade). I find it ridiculous but I guess that's college.</p>
<p>btw good luck if you do end up joining the crew team.</p>
<p>i didnt read anything except the first page of the post, so idk what we're currently talking about, but the funniest excuse for a girl to use to reject someone is (and probably the most hurtful for a guy, I nvr got this line though, but its been used b4) is "oh sorry, im shampooing my hair that day".</p>
<p>i just wanted to update this thread because a couple of months have since passed by. so what has changed? somehow me and that girl are now friends. i'm also living on campus now. so what do i do? i'm working like I used to, but now I also volunteer 4 hrs a week at a local middle school to tutor, i go to a dance class once or twice a week, and i'm going to the gym 3-4 times a week. i might also start baseball again but that's yet to be determined. things seem a bit more stable for me. although personally i don't think i've made huge strides when it comes to relationships and girls. i'm also still adjusting to meeting people because just about everyone already has their group of friends from the first semester. heck i only know one guy on my floor aside from the RD and RA and my roommates. i was actually coming out of work and i passed by the middle of the campus (grassy area called eddie's parade) and all these students are there playing ultimate frisby, catch, or just laying and relaxing with other friends. i wish i could be doing that. it looks real nice. i am more content now that there's more stability in my life though. i plan on looking for more activities to keep me busy on weekends as well.</p>
<p>Hey, sorry about your problem. I read what a few people suggested, but not all of them so if I repeat anything you already know sorry. Definately do group things first. Invite her to a party that your roomates/friends and you throw or some other event. Also wait before you ask her out to that. Just talk to her throughout a couple weeks and casually bring it up. If she still refuses then just move on. Especially since it seems you will be staying busy, it should not bother you. If you do want to try and invite her to something else, do it after a week or two. Not the next day, and inviting yourself to something is bad! You could offer her company, but if she seems uninterested then dont push it. I hope this is somewhat helpful.</p>
<p>BP-TheGuy88, have you thought about the fact that not everybody has to get into a romantic relationship while at college? I recommending getting friends (of either gender) that you can trust and rely on, bringing "romance" into a relationship only turns it unstable and adds a lot of extra, unnecessary stress, hence all the "breaking up" that goes on around anywhere.</p>
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i am more content now that there's more stability in my life though.
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</p>
<p>See? Keep that stability by remaining friends with the girl and making new ones, you don't have to concern yourself with the added stress and uncertainty that pursuing a romantic relationship with her or anyone else would cause.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Hey, sorry about your problem. I read what a few people suggested, but not all of them so if I repeat anything you already know sorry. Definately do group things first. Invite her to a party that your roomates/friends and you throw or some other event. Also wait before you ask her out to that. Just talk to her throughout a couple weeks and casually bring it up. If she still refuses then just move on. Especially since it seems you will be staying busy, it should not bother you. If you do want to try and invite her to something else, do it after a week or two. Not the next day, and inviting yourself to something is bad! You could offer her company, but if she seems uninterested then dont push it. I hope this is somewhat helpful.
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well this may have helped if i were interested in her but like i said i just let the issue go. we're just friends now. thanks for the advice anyways.</p>
<p>
[quote]
BP-TheGuy88, have you thought about the fact that not everybody has to get into a romantic relationship while at college? I recommending getting friends (of either gender) that you can trust and rely on, bringing "romance" into a relationship only turns it unstable and adds a lot of extra, unnecessary stress, hence all the "breaking up" that goes on around anywhere.</p>
<p>See? Keep that stability by remaining friends with the girl and making new ones, you don't have to concern yourself with the added stress and uncertainty that pursuing a romantic relationship with her or anyone else would cause.
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well i've definitely learned one thing over the last couple of months, some people have it naturally, and others don't. i most likely won't be getting into any relationships in college, but not by choice. the bright side i guess is that there is less stress involved, but i'd only be fooling myself if that's the excuse i use for the next 3 years.</p>
<p>yea i like my stability. on a scale out of 10 my mood is usually a 5. it's just neutral or average. not exciting happens, but i'm usually occupied so i can't really get bored.</p>
<p>BP, Get a bit tipsy at a party, see if your advances arent anymore successful. If so, emulate them when your straight. If not, eh...</p>
<p>Approach girls like its their lucky day, not like another self-loathing stalkerish person.
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i don't drink much. i haven't been to a party since college started and usually i don't go to parties. idk i just don't party much. i'm not too sure on that approaching girls like it's their lucky day tip. idk what you mean by that.</p>