What did you do if you didn't get in or didn't get enough aid?

Parents Social Lounge
1

<p>In a bit of a dilemma, as we have to wait until January to find out if son is admitted to his top choice</p>

<p>Want to get some feedback from parents who have either had to deal with this or know people who have </p>

<p>Worst case scenario: your child doesn't get accepted</p>

<p>Worse case scenario: your child gets accepted, but not enough scholarship money to attend without going into major debt</p>

<p>Bad scenario: child gets accepted, but goes on a campus visit, and for some reason or other, decides doesn't want to go.</p>

<p>What do you do?</p>

<p>You've missed deadlines on applications for admissions, honors programs, scholarships at other schools, and you're left with inferior choices at costs you're rather not incur, and every parent's nightmare, you're too lae to get housing at the other options that may be available to you.</p>

<p>I guess this situation could occur at any other school that doesn't let you know if you're in or if you get the scholarship until well into the spring.</p>

<p>Signed,</p>

<p>Sleepless Nights</p>

<p>As an addendum: I know you're not supposed to apply to only one school, and I know you should visit your top choice before you fall in love with it, but even if you've done these things, emotions change, weather changes, finances change. A lot of water flows under the bridge between that fall deadline and that spring notification.</p>

<p>Any advice?</p>

<p>Thanks for any help for a first time college mom.</p>

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<p>I don’t understand. You are waiting on an early decision, right? Why can’t you also be readying RD apps to other schools? Or am I missing something?</p>

3

<p>I have never seen a scenario where there was only one acceptable choice of a college for a kid. Rejected from Georgetown? Kid could be a happy camper at BC. Rejected from BC? Kid could be a happy camper at Fairfield or Holy Cross or Villanova. Etc, etc. There are oodles of schools with better acceptance odds and/or more generous merit money for every kid who falls in love with a “lottery ticket” type school. </p>

<p>Encourage your kid to fall in love with a broad range of schools which meet his/her criteria and then you’ll get lots more sleep until the process is over.</p>

<p>The only kids doomed to disappointment are the “Yale or bust” kids. A kid who loves Yale could also love Northwestern, Brandeis, Conn College, Rice, Vanderbilt… depending on what it is about Yale that the kid loves. </p>

<p>So the hard part of parenting is now upon you. Work with your kid to find a range of acceptable/loveable choices with applications “ready to roll” on December 15 or Jan. 2 and get going!</p>

4

<p>If he doesn’t get accepted, he goes somewhere else.</p>

<p>If he gets accepted, but the bottom line cost is too much, you make the decision to either decline the offer or go into debt. This is something that should be discussed and understood before he even sends out the application.</p>

<p>If he gets accepted, but after a visit he decides that he doesn’t like it—he declines the offer.</p>

<p>If he misses deadlines for scholarships and/or applications, it’s his loss and he must deal with the consequences of his action.</p>

<p>These are not life or death situations. If finances are an issue, make sure he has at least 2 academic/financial safety schools on his application list. Honestly, how bad is the worst case scenario? He attends community college for a year or two and then transfers to a 4 year school. This is a better option than going into massive debt for an undergraduate education. Hopefully, you have discussed all of this with him. If not, have a direct talk with him tonight regarding the realities of finances and options.</p>

5

<p>If your kid is applying ED, s/he needs to also be preparing other applications in case of a rejection. Usually at least some of those applications --particularly safety, matches – are prepared and even sent in Dec. before ED decisions. If a student gets an ED acceptance, they withdraw all of the other applications</p>

<p>Waiting to apply elsewhere until Jan., when some ED decisions come out, is too late because many colleges have Jan regular decision deadlines. Colleges that are rolling admission may be filled by Jan. or may have greatly increased admission requirements as their class filled up.</p>

<p>About 2-40% of students don’t get into their first choice colleges. For students applying to places like Ivies, which accept less than 10% of applicants, the percentage of students rejected by their first choices is much higher. Most students get over rejections within 2 weeks, and happily go off to their best choice of whatever college accepted them.</p>

<p>For instance, older S didn’t get the aid he needed to attend his long standing first choice college. He ended up very happily going to his safety, which also was his second choice college. It gave him virtually a full ride.</p>

6

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<p>ED is binding. If your family cannot afford to foot the whole bill or your child is not sure they would attend, then ED is not a good choice.</p>

<p>S is apply EA to his first choice. While they are deciding, he will prepare all his applications. If the answer is “no”, then he’ll be hitting “send” later that day.</p>

7

<p>Thanks for all your responses.</p>

<p>First, some clarity. We’re not applying ED and we’re not applying to any ivies. </p>

<p>I guess from some of your responses, I should be happy to only have to wait until January.</p>

<p>There are some reaches he has in mind, which may not let him know until later, but I think he’s realistic that he has little chance of acceptance into those, and even less chance for us to afford them. As a matter of fact, he hasn’t even filled out their applications, which require essays that are a pretty major part of the acceptance decision, so I’m going to sit back and leave them to him to do, and as you said, he’ll have to suffer the consequences of not getting in.</p>

<p>I have a lot lower standards than most of you here on CC, but I am also a very proud person. I would feel like I failed my son if I left it to him and all he was left with was a community college. But I have also already been chastised by my son for going on line to apply to one of those nice easy app colleges, with low application fee, no essay, send in the scores, and we’d be able to afford with the guaranteed merit aid and not massive debt. Some debt, but just have to eat red beans for a few years. Those of you from the south know what I’m talking about.</p>

<p>I’m wondering, do any of you make any of these deals with your kids that I’ve seen some parents around here do? They say, go to the cheap school, and we’ll pay for your medical school. Well, I won’t have medical school to pay for, but there will be graduate school probably. But I also don’t want to have son living on my couch for another 30 years, either, so it’s in my best interest to do a little work to make sure he gets a good education.</p>

<p>I really have to laugh at everyone’s suggestion that he will have to suffer the consequences. Oh, if that were only true. Sure, they do suffer the consequences, but we as parents suffer as well. I know there are a lot of hardhearted people out there that tell their kids, Live with it, but sorry, I wasn’t raised that way. I brought this child into the world, and I’ve got to do my best to give him the best education I can.</p>

8

<p>60-80% of the students in this country are accepted to their first choice colleges (I had a typo on my previous post. I meant to say only 20-40% of students don’t get into their first college). Most students apply to colleges that are match or safety schools.</p>

<p>Most colleges accept the vast majority of their applicants, and when it comes to most colleges except the tippy top and some flagship state colleges and out of state public universities, one can virtually figure out if one’s student will be accepted by comparing their gpa/test scores to those of admitted students, something that one can easily do by paying $15 to access the U.S. news college website until next Aug.</p>

<p>Unless one’s student has a 2.0 or lower average, as long as you can afford a 4-year public or private college, you can find some 4-year college for them to attend.</p>

<p>My sons had unweighted 2.9 and 2.7 gpas in rigorous curricula. They also had high test scores, but as you see, mediocre grades. Those kind of students aren’t very appealing to colleges because colleges rightly view them as lazy. Older S applied to 5 schools, was rejected to one, an Ivy that I unrealistically forced him to apply to. He chose a second tier out of state public school that gave him a full ride.</p>

<p>Younger S applied to 2 schools – both 2nd tier schools, and was accepted to both. </p>

<p>With the exception of students applying to places like Harvard, virtually all of the students I know got into their first choice colleges. Their first choice colleges were 2nd tier private colleges or public colleges at the bottom of the first tier. </p>

<p>The only students I know who attended community college were students whose parents made them go to community college because the students had goofed around so much in high school. This included students who had gotten admitted to some 2nd tier colleges.</p>

9

<p>“But I have also already been chastised by my son for going on line to apply to one of those nice easy app colleges, with low application fee, no essay, send in the scores, and we’d be able to afford with the guaranteed merit aid and not massive debt.”</p>

<p>I’m sorry, I’m confused-- did you apply to a college for your son?</p>

10

<p>If your son’s stats are good enough to be able to go to a college with guaranteed merit aid, he’s good enough to at least go to an in-state 4-year public that you can afford. Stop worrying.</p>

11

<p>The process doesn’t stop once the top choice app is submitted and there really is no excuse to miss any deadlines. Until the final decision is made and the enrollment deposit is paid, the student should continue to submit all required materials to all the schools on his list on time. For RD schools he can probably wait until shortly before the deadline in case he hears from top choice and it would alter his list, but the apps should be ready to go. Students should really get rolling apps in early. You may waste a few app fees if he gets in to top choice and the finances fall into place, but it really is in his best interest to submit the apps early. There will be many schools that will send an admission offer where merit/FA info will follow much later. Some rolling schools that recommend early housing deposits to hold a spot will refund the housing deposit if the student changes their mind before May 1st, read the fine print on each offer.</p>

<p>Bottom line-don’t let him halt the process waiting on one decision and count on the process extending into the spring. If the pieces fall into place sooner, consider it a bonus. Good luck.</p>

12

<p>I think she did.</p>

<p>My sister sent my nephew’s common app to JHU at the last minute because she thought he didn’t have enough schools. But she did ask him if it was ok. He didn’t care. A month into it, he is very happy at JHU. She figured if he got accepted he could still turn them down (she wouldn’t have made him go if he didn’t want to). It’s a good thing she did because he did get turned down by a lot of schools.</p>

13

<p>Every student needs a “financial safety” on their college list, preferably two.</p>

<p>I financial safety is a college that (a) the student is sure to be accepted to; (b) the family can definitely afford; and (c) the kid is willing to attend. This very often is an in-state public college, but it may be a private college that guarantees significant scholarship money to students meeting certain criteria. </p>

<p>Then get your kid used to the idea that the financial safety is the default option. Anything else is icing on the cake, but certainly can’t be the basis for planning until after the admission letters and financial aid awards are received and can be evaluated.</p>

14

<p>They DO face the consequences of their actions. We had to “make” our gifted son apply to our good flagship U in January after he would only apply to two extremely elite schools- now he is hopefully applying to more grad schools than he did 4 years ago for undergrad.</p>

<p>Always remember that it is your son’s life. Start letting go. The most you can do as a parent is to give advice, you can’t do his job of appying for him. Your pride has nothing to do with his decisions and he may rebel against you.</p>

<p>It is a very frustrating time for some parents. You can encourage him to discuss options with his HS guidance counselor and hope he follows their likely advice about applying to some colleges he can both be accepted to and afford.</p>

15

<p>Oldfort, I’m guilty of pushing that “extra” application as well. I just wouldn’t do it without son or daughter’s permission/approval. </p>

<p>Last year D applied to 2 rolling and 2 EA schools. Accepted at rolling, deferred at EA. Applied to 5 more schools, including one at the very last minute- yes, that I pushed. That’s the school she’s attending, quite happily. Wasn’t an admissions safety, but a financial safety; she had full tuition at Pitt which wouldn’t have been ideal but if it came down to it she could have lived with it.</p>

16

<p>College is the biggest decision most high school students ever have made. If they make a mistake, the consequences are low, which is unlike other major decisions they’ll be faced with later. At worst, they always can take a gap year or if they don’t like the college they attend, they can transfer. </p>

<p>The lessons they can learn if we don’t shield them from possible mistakes are lessons that will serve them well for their lives when the stakes are much higher such as when they have a family depending on them.</p>

<p>Younger S didn’t get around to applying to college as a senior. I’d taken him to colleges. One college even flew him in for a weekend. S claimed to be working on apps, but actually probably was daydreaming and doing video games. He missed all of the deadlines for colleges that interested him.</p>

<p>At that point, on his own, he applied to and was accepted to Americorps, something that I’d suggested earlier since he was in doubt about what to major in and what kind of college he preferred. When I originally suggested it, however, he wasn’t interested in applying. </p>

<p>He had an excellent post high school year volunteering for Americorps, living at home (His choice) and paying rent (H and my house rule for grown kids who aren’t full-time students). S also figured out what kind of college he was interested in, and applied to two completely on his own. He was accepted to both.</p>

<p>He went to the college of his choice and has taken full advantage of academics and productive ECs. After his year in the adult world, he appreciates college and also has more appreciation of his own talents and interests.</p>

17

<p>Oh ho ho…all the dirty little secrets come out LOL. My son actually got an app via e-mail yesterday that required only a transcript and ACT or SAT scores. It was completely filled out, no essays or recommendation required and it was a “private” school not a public and the language basically guaranteed a “scholarship.” I was quite surprised. My son and I joked about who would “push the button” but he won’t and I won’t. The economy is fiercely impacting some of those schools I fear.</p>

18

<p>I feel for the OP. I think all first time college parents go through anxiety. I went through the same thing last year and gosh have I learned alot. Last year was truly a blood bath at alot of the top 50 schools. Alot of kids were rejected by their first choice. However, now that school has been in session about a month, it seems, that even though these kids didn’t get into their top chioce, they are happy where they are. I will handle things differently with my sophmore. More schools visits and talking to the kids on campus and less rankings and printed information. If your son does not get into his first choice - he will be devestated - my son was. That lasted about a week and then he moved on and focused heavily on his other apps. </p>

<p>As far as the money goes, that’s a whole other ball game. You will not know if you can afford a college until you get their FA package - then it will be decision time. You should tell your child - this is how much we can afford - even if you get accepted, if we don’t get X number of dollars, you can’t go. Plan and simple.</p>

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<p>Isn’t that interesting! My daughter is also very happy at a school she didn’t think she would go and a school I asked her to apply to. Sometimes I think it’s fate, or there is more than just one “IT” for anyone.</p>

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<p>“You’ve missed deadlines on applications for admissions, honors programs, scholarships at other schools, and you’re left with inferior choices at costs you’re rather not incur, and every parent’s nightmare, you’re too lae to get housing at the other options that may be available to you.”</p>

<p>This is a situation you can take care of right now by having the student increase the size of the list by adding few schools that he also likes a lot and being sure the student understands that even if these additional schools are not the very, very top choice, they could turn out to be excellent alternatives. If the current list is just a couple of iffy (academic or financial) reach schools followed by other schools that the student identifies as “inferior choices,” you have an avoidable problem. It’s extra work, but the applications for viable honors programs and scholarships have to be filled out – even while the student is pining away for the one true love school and cannot even imagine going anywhere else. (This also alleviates the potential problem of having the student visit the one true love school after EA or RD acceptance and going whoopsie.)</p>